Well, this has officially been one of the longest weeks of my life. Losing Junior on Monday really has affected the way the whole week has gone in one way or another. I've never quite recovered from the emotional toll that it took on my body. I'm still tired. The puffiness in my eyes has finally started to reduce, but they're still my eyes, so they still look like big bags of shit. I think I kinda slept walked through the first few days, with work and everything. It didn't feel quite real. This morning though, I really, really missed him. I, of course, woke up before everyone else, and that was our time. It's when I'd have time to let him stroll around the yard without having to rush him so I could go to work. It got me outside in the early mornings. Today I just laid here, so I wouldn't wake anyone up. We had a late night at a friend's house for bbq and fireworks. So, the boys (inc. a boy Ryne had sleep over) all slept in fairly late. Man, I wish I could still sleep in. Going back to work has really ruined it for me. Anyway, I was really in a funk this morning, so thankfully Brian drug my ass out of the house and we went on a walk. It's the first time since Mon. that we'd actually talked about the loss of Junior. We both think we hear him sometimes, and Brian keeps looking for him on the bathroom floor. I know it was Jr's time...probably even past when we should've done anything, but in the end, it hasn't helped with the grieving. He was our first baby.... It's such a weird feeling now, to not have pets. The black kitten was a great distraction, though. She let me rock her back and forth while holding her like a baby. Yes, I'm a nut case. Everyone wanted her, and I asked the new landlord, but she said absolutely not. I've been looking for a home for her, but now I haven't seen her since yesterday morning. It's a bit of a concern, since she never wandered away from here very far. She had some marks that were starting to heal up, where something had already gotten her around the neck, before I found her. If she doesn't come back, I'll just tell myself that some nice, old lady found her and took her into her home.... Sometimes denial is your best option.
One last thing on Junior, I must say....I'm so grateful for the friends I have in my life. For those who went out of their way this week to distract me, or to show me how much they love and care. It made me feel good to think that ppl thought Junior was lucky to have us. It definitely went both ways though (yes, I know I said "both ways."
Having the 4th of July holiday in the middle of the week, was really weird. In Wrangell it doesn't matter, since the whole time you're there you don't know what day it is anyway, but here you really felt it. It was nice to have a day off in the middle of the week, but too weird to come back on Thursday and work 2 days. Anyway, my niece Jaynee ran for 4th of July queen up in Wrangell. Running for queen is A LOT of work. Jaynee and another gal sold 28k plus tix. I think 3rd place was at 24k.... It was a new record. Not bad for an island of 2k ppl, huh? Jaynee ended up losing by 98 tickets. 98 FUCKING TICKETS. Can you imagine? My plan all along had been to buy 150, but with the move and Junior, I only had Mom pick me up 25. Now, don't I feel like an asshole...but there were a million last second things that didn't go their way, and Mom was taking it kind of hard. It was the first time any of us had ever run, and I guess she's the last. Too bad. Now we all know how to do it better. I am so freaking proud of Jaynee and my sister Dawn, though. You can't go into anything like that lightly. They really busted their asses. Our family really all gave it 100% up there. So great to see.
So, my friend Lisa text me again today...wanting to see if I wanted to get together. Man, do I feel like an a-hole. I really just dropped off the face of the earth with her and the church. That was a shitty thing to do, considering she was my closest friend out here. This time I did text back, and hopefully after the move we can meet up.
We've been packing all weekend long. Boy, let me tell you I feel it in my back. It seems like we've gotten a good portion of it done, though. Although, with packing it always is a bigger job than you expected going into it. So, this week, not only do I need to finish packing and cleaning (as we start moving on Friday), but of course....it's time for the plant shut down. This means that they actually shut the plant down and do the big time maintenance. Nobody is allowed to take vacation this week. I'll be working a boat load of hours.... Plus, the boys have baseball games every night M-Th. Also, Sandy and Melinda get into Chicago on Thurs and stay through the weekend. We initially had big plans, but now I can't take time off work, and we have to move over the weekend. I don't know how I'm going to make it work, but I somehow must make it to Chicago to see them. It's crazy, as we never have anything going on and it's all hitting at once here. So, in saying all of this, I'm not sure how much time I'll be able to devote to the blog this week. If I were really kicking ass, and following a vegan plan, I'd make myself make the time. But since, NOBODY should eat the way I have been (or drinking caffeine and sometimes alcohol) this week, I'm probably doing a service by not being on here. I'm really trying not beat myself up, given the week I've just had. In fact, I really ready to move on, and start fresh, but I know the hell this week is going to be. I know I'd just be setting myself up for failure. So, I'll do what I can do this week, and hopefully next week, be ready to pull my head out of my ass.
Hope you all have a fantastic week.
Much love,
Jen
One last thing on Junior, I must say....I'm so grateful for the friends I have in my life. For those who went out of their way this week to distract me, or to show me how much they love and care. It made me feel good to think that ppl thought Junior was lucky to have us. It definitely went both ways though (yes, I know I said "both ways."
Having the 4th of July holiday in the middle of the week, was really weird. In Wrangell it doesn't matter, since the whole time you're there you don't know what day it is anyway, but here you really felt it. It was nice to have a day off in the middle of the week, but too weird to come back on Thursday and work 2 days. Anyway, my niece Jaynee ran for 4th of July queen up in Wrangell. Running for queen is A LOT of work. Jaynee and another gal sold 28k plus tix. I think 3rd place was at 24k.... It was a new record. Not bad for an island of 2k ppl, huh? Jaynee ended up losing by 98 tickets. 98 FUCKING TICKETS. Can you imagine? My plan all along had been to buy 150, but with the move and Junior, I only had Mom pick me up 25. Now, don't I feel like an asshole...but there were a million last second things that didn't go their way, and Mom was taking it kind of hard. It was the first time any of us had ever run, and I guess she's the last. Too bad. Now we all know how to do it better. I am so freaking proud of Jaynee and my sister Dawn, though. You can't go into anything like that lightly. They really busted their asses. Our family really all gave it 100% up there. So great to see.
So, my friend Lisa text me again today...wanting to see if I wanted to get together. Man, do I feel like an a-hole. I really just dropped off the face of the earth with her and the church. That was a shitty thing to do, considering she was my closest friend out here. This time I did text back, and hopefully after the move we can meet up.
We've been packing all weekend long. Boy, let me tell you I feel it in my back. It seems like we've gotten a good portion of it done, though. Although, with packing it always is a bigger job than you expected going into it. So, this week, not only do I need to finish packing and cleaning (as we start moving on Friday), but of course....it's time for the plant shut down. This means that they actually shut the plant down and do the big time maintenance. Nobody is allowed to take vacation this week. I'll be working a boat load of hours.... Plus, the boys have baseball games every night M-Th. Also, Sandy and Melinda get into Chicago on Thurs and stay through the weekend. We initially had big plans, but now I can't take time off work, and we have to move over the weekend. I don't know how I'm going to make it work, but I somehow must make it to Chicago to see them. It's crazy, as we never have anything going on and it's all hitting at once here. So, in saying all of this, I'm not sure how much time I'll be able to devote to the blog this week. If I were really kicking ass, and following a vegan plan, I'd make myself make the time. But since, NOBODY should eat the way I have been (or drinking caffeine and sometimes alcohol) this week, I'm probably doing a service by not being on here. I'm really trying not beat myself up, given the week I've just had. In fact, I really ready to move on, and start fresh, but I know the hell this week is going to be. I know I'd just be setting myself up for failure. So, I'll do what I can do this week, and hopefully next week, be ready to pull my head out of my ass.
Hope you all have a fantastic week.
Much love,
Jen
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