This cartoon reminds me of the book, Eat, Pray, Love where Elizabeth Gilbert wrote about trying to quiet her mind while meditating. Here she was in the middle of nowhere....the place where everyone claims to find the inner peace, and her mind was screaming at her. I could/and can related all too well. I've tried so hard to quiet my mind, that I think my brain just scoffs at me each time, oh you're trying this again... For quite some time, my brain would leave me alone in the middle of the night, but for whatever reason, it has decided that's when it will now be most awake. Even in my space, my church-hiking, my brain will sometimes be the loudest thing in the forest. Why now? I don't know, but maybe the key is to quit fighting it. Maybe it will just go away if I don't acknowledge this voice, that tries to solve issues in which I have no control, or dwells on the injustices of the world and haunts my thoughts. I wish I were the only one with this issue, but I know many of you can relate as well.
All that said, the last blog was heavy. It was something I wish I never felt a need to write about. I don't regret it, though. If this blog has taught me anything, is that even when I feel completely alone in some of these thoughts-I'm not. This platform has allowed me to really get to know some of you. I'm grateful for it.
I'm proud of myself making myself go on the trip to CO. I knew I was down a hole, and I was doing what I could to climb out of it. Going to CO was the best thing I could've done. It was a short quick, but as always, we made the most of it. We got some serious hiking in, and it was really wonderful to share my new passion with Amy. As I think back on our many trips, visits, I don't think they've ever centered around being physically active. She is very athletic, so I'm sure I was the reason we didn't get out and do things like hiking before. I must say, we have always been on the go, though. Anyway, it was a fantastic feeling to plan our days around being active. We always like to try new "firsts" and this weekend was full of many firsts for me. I'm really blessed to have someone like her in my life, who stands beside me, even when I don't feel deserving of that kind of unconditional friendship.
I was quite frustrated to gain weight on this trip. I think it's around 1 1/2-2 pounds. We climbed the shit out of some big, red rocks, and really didn't eat too much. Admittedly, there were a lot of extra calories with drinking, but I did limit it to Michelob Ultra and red wine. More than anything, when I change up my diet, my body fights me in a big way. If I go off my routine, the pooping schedule gets all screwed up. I'm still dealing with it.
You would think this weight gain, would have forced my ass to get in gear. I crushed it yesterday, but today we had a work luncheon. I ate a brat. I didn't eat any of the cookies, but a brat was not a good choice, although better than a giant burger, I knew. If that was it, I wouldn't beat myself up too much. Ah, but I had therapy after work, and knew I wouldn't have time to cook dinner for the boys before their activities tonight. This led me to pick up KFC for the boys. I didn't plan on having any, but you know...I had a plate. I wish I could trust myself to know I will turn it around tomorrow and the next day and the next day, but they are already going to be tough days with previous commitments. Food, drink will be everywhere. I'm feeling the pressure, because next Wed is my one year anniversary of starting the place I weigh in at. I do not want to go into next week having gained...esp two weeks in a row, since I haven't done that in the past year. I feel a real responsibility to myself to make this next week great, and I know it's going to be a tough one.
In my head, I've written all sorts of things about how much I love Tom Petty. I'm forever bummed, that I had stupid inventory at work and couldn't go see him at Wrigley Field this summer. It pissed me off then, and even more now. I cried when I heard the news and again when listening to one of his promos on the Tom Petty Sirius channel the next morning. On Facebook, I've seen so many posts about their fave TP song. I really can't pick one. I guess it would be a tie for about 7 or so. So many songs speak to me in the most intimate of ways. He could make you laugh, feel angry, heartbroken, empowered, resentful. The list goes on and on. I had dinner with a friend the other night, who was one of the people who text me when he died. I told her, I learned my lesson about missing out on shows and I'd decided I wasn't going to miss Bob Seger in Chicago. She asked when it was, so I googled it, only to find Bob had cancelled the remainder of his tour just two hours earlier, due to vertebrae issues. She insisted I put down my phone and not try to go to anymore concerts. Ha! All I can say, is I hope someone is looking out for Chris Stapleton tomorrow night. j/k -he's probably fine since I've had the ticket for a while. Anyway, I'll leave you with a song I love not only for the brilliant lyrics that cut you from one side to the other (which TP wrote) but for the fact that he reluctantly agreed to give it to Stevie for her album. The two together is a special kind of magic.
BTW, I have had the house to myself for an hour now (but not much longer). I needed this and am unapologetic to the 100 cals worth of red wine I'm drinking right now. Cheers! I hope the day/week find you doing the things that get you where you want to be.
Oh- I did want to mention, my cousin called me a couple of weeks ago. It was out of the blue, while I was at work. She called to tell me she loved and missed me and was thinking of me. It really was the sweetest call, and it really made my day. Be that person-be the one who makes that gesture. It goes a long way.
~Jen
And why do food and drinks have to have calories? Such bullshit.
All that said, the last blog was heavy. It was something I wish I never felt a need to write about. I don't regret it, though. If this blog has taught me anything, is that even when I feel completely alone in some of these thoughts-I'm not. This platform has allowed me to really get to know some of you. I'm grateful for it.
I'm proud of myself making myself go on the trip to CO. I knew I was down a hole, and I was doing what I could to climb out of it. Going to CO was the best thing I could've done. It was a short quick, but as always, we made the most of it. We got some serious hiking in, and it was really wonderful to share my new passion with Amy. As I think back on our many trips, visits, I don't think they've ever centered around being physically active. She is very athletic, so I'm sure I was the reason we didn't get out and do things like hiking before. I must say, we have always been on the go, though. Anyway, it was a fantastic feeling to plan our days around being active. We always like to try new "firsts" and this weekend was full of many firsts for me. I'm really blessed to have someone like her in my life, who stands beside me, even when I don't feel deserving of that kind of unconditional friendship.
I was quite frustrated to gain weight on this trip. I think it's around 1 1/2-2 pounds. We climbed the shit out of some big, red rocks, and really didn't eat too much. Admittedly, there were a lot of extra calories with drinking, but I did limit it to Michelob Ultra and red wine. More than anything, when I change up my diet, my body fights me in a big way. If I go off my routine, the pooping schedule gets all screwed up. I'm still dealing with it.
You would think this weight gain, would have forced my ass to get in gear. I crushed it yesterday, but today we had a work luncheon. I ate a brat. I didn't eat any of the cookies, but a brat was not a good choice, although better than a giant burger, I knew. If that was it, I wouldn't beat myself up too much. Ah, but I had therapy after work, and knew I wouldn't have time to cook dinner for the boys before their activities tonight. This led me to pick up KFC for the boys. I didn't plan on having any, but you know...I had a plate. I wish I could trust myself to know I will turn it around tomorrow and the next day and the next day, but they are already going to be tough days with previous commitments. Food, drink will be everywhere. I'm feeling the pressure, because next Wed is my one year anniversary of starting the place I weigh in at. I do not want to go into next week having gained...esp two weeks in a row, since I haven't done that in the past year. I feel a real responsibility to myself to make this next week great, and I know it's going to be a tough one.
In my head, I've written all sorts of things about how much I love Tom Petty. I'm forever bummed, that I had stupid inventory at work and couldn't go see him at Wrigley Field this summer. It pissed me off then, and even more now. I cried when I heard the news and again when listening to one of his promos on the Tom Petty Sirius channel the next morning. On Facebook, I've seen so many posts about their fave TP song. I really can't pick one. I guess it would be a tie for about 7 or so. So many songs speak to me in the most intimate of ways. He could make you laugh, feel angry, heartbroken, empowered, resentful. The list goes on and on. I had dinner with a friend the other night, who was one of the people who text me when he died. I told her, I learned my lesson about missing out on shows and I'd decided I wasn't going to miss Bob Seger in Chicago. She asked when it was, so I googled it, only to find Bob had cancelled the remainder of his tour just two hours earlier, due to vertebrae issues. She insisted I put down my phone and not try to go to anymore concerts. Ha! All I can say, is I hope someone is looking out for Chris Stapleton tomorrow night. j/k -he's probably fine since I've had the ticket for a while. Anyway, I'll leave you with a song I love not only for the brilliant lyrics that cut you from one side to the other (which TP wrote) but for the fact that he reluctantly agreed to give it to Stevie for her album. The two together is a special kind of magic.
BTW, I have had the house to myself for an hour now (but not much longer). I needed this and am unapologetic to the 100 cals worth of red wine I'm drinking right now. Cheers! I hope the day/week find you doing the things that get you where you want to be.
Oh- I did want to mention, my cousin called me a couple of weeks ago. It was out of the blue, while I was at work. She called to tell me she loved and missed me and was thinking of me. It really was the sweetest call, and it really made my day. Be that person-be the one who makes that gesture. It goes a long way.
~Jen
And why do food and drinks have to have calories? Such bullshit.
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