Oh, the weight. Holy fucking shit...the weight. I've always had my issues with weight. I think we know that, but this is a whole new level. I've never, ever felt this out of control with my weight demons. I'm at the heaviest of my life. Yes, I'm heavier than the tremendous weight gain that came with my son's Autism diagnosis. That, I can look back on, and appreciate why it happened. But these fucking moves. Really? I've outeaten the worst and most stressful time of my life? That truly makes me feel like a Grade A loser. I feel completely defeated. I've even been thinking about surgery. How fucked up is that? I so don't even believe in it....The complications that come with it are so horrific, but that's how desperate I feel right now. A work friend and I were talking about weight issues the other day. I told her how when I walk up the stairs to our morning production meeting, that I imagine everyone up there, playing "guess the fatty" by the heavy footsteps. And then when I get up there, I imagine them thinking, nailed it. I could go on and on about how I think nobody can love and respect me at this weight. Oh man. I'm so in my head. God dammit I need out of it. I soooo do. Anyway, my work friend looked at me and was like... Dude you've got some issues. Yes, this work friend had weight loss surgery....and sees somebody with worse issues than what drove them to surgery. Scary shit.
New topic. One of the things that drew me to my new job was the incredible growth they had last year and the stability they've always enjoyed. Fast forward four months to the aftermath of the falling oil prices, which affects one of our lines (pretty much has decimated it), and there you have...the biggest layoff in company history. We had a company meeting on Tuesday where they announced they were going to have to cut the work force, and that resulted in over 10% of the company being laid off. It's a pretty good size cut for our little company. We are told there may be more. This is a scary situation for someone who has only been there 4 months. A guy that was hired the day after me, lost his job. I'm thankful that they recognize the job I'm doing and have kept me on, but if things keep up the way they are, who the hell knows. If the money isn't there, it isn't there. So, I'll keep doing what I do and continue to take pride in putting forth a good effort and let the chips fall where they may. It's always hard to see people lose their jobs, though. One gal had just put an offer on a house and had to rescind. Yesterday the weld supervisor had some very nice words for me and today so did the Production Manager, which makes me feel good. I'll take that. Although this isn't what I want to do forever (I feel like I'm on this life long hamster wheel), I need a paycheck. True story.
Well, I better go make dinner and try to keep Cal calm from the tornado warnings that are in effect for another 5 hours. It's that time again, I guess. God Love the Midwest.
Wishing you a wonderful night.