It’s 4th of July week. This week is either my very favorite week of the year, or my least favorite. It all depends on if I go home or not. At this very moment, I have friends and family that are posting pictures of getting on jets or getting off of jets going home, or they’re posting their partying pictures from last night, or pictures of all of the kids playing together. I see pictures of fishing, glaciers, toasting, people I miss every single day, including my family. This year, my sisters all made it up. I’m the only one that couldn’t go. Yeah, pretty much a dagger to my soul. There was a brief time that I thought about it….when they announced plant shut down for this week, and I was going to be forced to take the week off. But as soon as I made mention of the thought of it, my boss decided we were going to do inventory (6/29), which was mandatory. What a long fucking day yesterday was. I’m so not a morning person, so just starting an hour earlier than normal (6:30), kicked my ass. Not to mention, I woke up to my period. Yay me! I guess it makes sense I was on it when I was in Alaska last year for the 4th. It was also then optional if we worked, noting we’d have to have at least two people on staff every day. So, there it was…thoughts of going home doused. (As it is, I’m now -8 vaca hours after the funeral). Plus, it was probably always just going to be a pipe dream. My next trip home, I’d really love for Brian and the boys to go. At nearly $1,000 a ticket, that’s rough. And if I’m totally honest with myself, I was never going home at this weight. I thought it couldn’t be any worse than last year…when I was at my heaviest…but now I’m even much heavier than that… Of course, I didn’t share any of that with the people that tried to get me to go home. Deep down, I know they love me, no matter what size I am. But truly, I am not comfortable in my own skin like this.
So, what you ask could bring any more anxiety to this week? Well, it takes all I have to work at a desk all day, so I need to be busy. I love to be so busy that my head spins. We’re on shut down this week, so we have no production working. I buy parts for production…. It’s going to be a long ass week! I’m already going crazy, and I’ve been here less than three hours. Thank God we have the 3rd of July off for holiday.
We don’t have many plans for this weekend, so I hope to really get a lot done on the book. I took some much needed time away from it, and I’m so glad I did. I read it again, and I have a whole new love for the project. I’m really happy with the flow and where it is right now. I know I need to be more descriptive in my writing, which is what the editor wants to see, but that’s not a natural process for me, so after this next round of writing (I’m going to add a couple of chapters), I’m just going to pay her to do that part for me. I’ve worked way too long on this project and the thought of trying to rewrite the chapters is just too overwhelming for me. My laptop is getting fixed right now (the boys downloaded a game which caused many viruses), so in order to read my book, I had to put it on my kindle. Who knew you could do that? So glad for my editor to walk me through such things. It was so cool to read my book like that. It gave me a feel for reading the finished product. Last week, I also wrote my first submission for my editor’s book. No pressure there! I haven’t been able to send it to her, because my laptop is in the shitter, but my laptop is supposed to be ready tomorrow. Anyway, I think the submission is good, but it’s a different kind of writing than I’m used to. We’ll see, but it’s really encouraging that she asked me to write for her. Like really encouraging.
Last Friday sure was a huge day. The Supreme Court decision to legalize gay marriage really made my heart smile. I am so very happy for so many people I know. I’ve seen the crap my cousin has had to go through all of these years. It’s unbelievable. So, to know that we are in the place we are now, as a nation, is really huge. My cousin and her wife are two of the best parents I know. I know I can’t compare myself to them, because they make us all look like amateurs. I’m also really happy for my favorite person to flirt with, Ed, and his husband Arby (he looks like Tom Selleck-ahhhh). I know, weird right, but he is a good flirt, and he makes me believe his flirting. I love that guy. Anyway, just happy for lots of people I love and care about. Just happy for the many people who won’t have to know all of the suffering those people have had to go through their whole lives, just because of their sexual preference. Love is love. There is no doubt. Hell, I’m just Brian leaving me, and Gwen Stefani proposing to me away from gay marriage myself. Or, should I just say second marriage. Marriage is now marriage. How beautiful is that?
I’ll try to wrap things up here. I could seriously write for hours today. In a nutshell, other than the bad stuff that comes with my period, things are good. The boys have been loving baseball, Brian likes his new job, I’m gearing up to get my shit together-in anticipation of my girls trip to Vegas-and the rest of my life. I’ve also been meeting more people lately. There are a couple of baseball moms that I seem to connect with pretty good. One of which, is one of Caleb’s friend’s mom. She’s pretty bad ass. She was pregnant with her youngest, when she found out her other son had Autism, and during that same time, she found out she had M.S. Let me tell you something…she handles it. She handles it like a baller. I enjoy being around her. She’s good people and a true inspiration.
I’ll leave you with the video for Just the Way You Are. I need to watch it, too. I’ve never seen it, but I love the song. The song is the center of my favorite scene in my book. I know I wrote it, but I get choked up every time I read or work on that scene. Hope you love the song, too.
Enjoy your day!
Jen
So, what you ask could bring any more anxiety to this week? Well, it takes all I have to work at a desk all day, so I need to be busy. I love to be so busy that my head spins. We’re on shut down this week, so we have no production working. I buy parts for production…. It’s going to be a long ass week! I’m already going crazy, and I’ve been here less than three hours. Thank God we have the 3rd of July off for holiday.
We don’t have many plans for this weekend, so I hope to really get a lot done on the book. I took some much needed time away from it, and I’m so glad I did. I read it again, and I have a whole new love for the project. I’m really happy with the flow and where it is right now. I know I need to be more descriptive in my writing, which is what the editor wants to see, but that’s not a natural process for me, so after this next round of writing (I’m going to add a couple of chapters), I’m just going to pay her to do that part for me. I’ve worked way too long on this project and the thought of trying to rewrite the chapters is just too overwhelming for me. My laptop is getting fixed right now (the boys downloaded a game which caused many viruses), so in order to read my book, I had to put it on my kindle. Who knew you could do that? So glad for my editor to walk me through such things. It was so cool to read my book like that. It gave me a feel for reading the finished product. Last week, I also wrote my first submission for my editor’s book. No pressure there! I haven’t been able to send it to her, because my laptop is in the shitter, but my laptop is supposed to be ready tomorrow. Anyway, I think the submission is good, but it’s a different kind of writing than I’m used to. We’ll see, but it’s really encouraging that she asked me to write for her. Like really encouraging.
Last Friday sure was a huge day. The Supreme Court decision to legalize gay marriage really made my heart smile. I am so very happy for so many people I know. I’ve seen the crap my cousin has had to go through all of these years. It’s unbelievable. So, to know that we are in the place we are now, as a nation, is really huge. My cousin and her wife are two of the best parents I know. I know I can’t compare myself to them, because they make us all look like amateurs. I’m also really happy for my favorite person to flirt with, Ed, and his husband Arby (he looks like Tom Selleck-ahhhh). I know, weird right, but he is a good flirt, and he makes me believe his flirting. I love that guy. Anyway, just happy for lots of people I love and care about. Just happy for the many people who won’t have to know all of the suffering those people have had to go through their whole lives, just because of their sexual preference. Love is love. There is no doubt. Hell, I’m just Brian leaving me, and Gwen Stefani proposing to me away from gay marriage myself. Or, should I just say second marriage. Marriage is now marriage. How beautiful is that?
I’ll try to wrap things up here. I could seriously write for hours today. In a nutshell, other than the bad stuff that comes with my period, things are good. The boys have been loving baseball, Brian likes his new job, I’m gearing up to get my shit together-in anticipation of my girls trip to Vegas-and the rest of my life. I’ve also been meeting more people lately. There are a couple of baseball moms that I seem to connect with pretty good. One of which, is one of Caleb’s friend’s mom. She’s pretty bad ass. She was pregnant with her youngest, when she found out her other son had Autism, and during that same time, she found out she had M.S. Let me tell you something…she handles it. She handles it like a baller. I enjoy being around her. She’s good people and a true inspiration.
I’ll leave you with the video for Just the Way You Are. I need to watch it, too. I’ve never seen it, but I love the song. The song is the center of my favorite scene in my book. I know I wrote it, but I get choked up every time I read or work on that scene. Hope you love the song, too.
Enjoy your day!
Jen
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