Today is a new day. I'm mostly out of the fog. I'm still fighting it in ways, but I've been keeping myself busy all day. I've been a cleaning fool! I've taken some steps to help my depression and made myself call on that job. Oh, and I'm even going to wash my hair today :) I'm pretty fucking proud of myself. Although fighting depression is sometimes not an option, when it's really, really bad, at other times you can control how much it takes over your life. I'm thankful to have some control today. I'm also thankful for you guys. Thanks for talking me off the ledge. Love ya.
So, yesterday was an extremely tough day for me. I've been really worried about someone and feel so helpless. On top of that, the stress of waiting for the phone call about the job (which I still haven't rec'd, but I do have a call into them.) It's all just too much. It seems like I haven't been able to deal with things real well the past year or so. Before the past year, I had no idea what true depression was. Now, I knew profound sadness, but clinical depression is a whole different thing. I've really been struggling with it. Yesterday it swallowed me whole. If you've ever really experienced it, than you know what it means. I couldn't get out of bed, etc. My head goes to the worst places. I absolutely HATE it. I wish to God, I'd never, ever experienced it. In my situation yesterday, I even ate meat. I think it was a way of punishing myself even more. I betrayed the one thing that I cherish most about myself: vegetarianism. Not a smart move. Let's just say, along w/ the emotional scars from it, come the potty scars. lol And it's not all done.... I did a number on my system. Anyway, it's over, and I'm not going to let it dictate any of my further eating habits.
Today is a new day. I'm mostly out of the fog. I'm still fighting it in ways, but I've been keeping myself busy all day. I've been a cleaning fool! I've taken some steps to help my depression and made myself call on that job. Oh, and I'm even going to wash my hair today :) I'm pretty fucking proud of myself. Although fighting depression is sometimes not an option, when it's really, really bad, at other times you can control how much it takes over your life. I'm thankful to have some control today. I'm also thankful for you guys. Thanks for talking me off the ledge. Love ya.
2 Comments
Le Ann
11/8/2011 04:40:35 am
oh Jen, so sorry to hear that you are so upset. Keep busy, Go outside in the sun, even if it's butt all cold, EXERCISE to get the endorphins flowing, develop a routine that requires you to get out of bed and shower (ie: drive the kids to school even if you don't have to, just to get your morning started), put your anxieties into prayer and give those worries to God to take them off your chest, crank your fave tunes, dance!, take matters into your own hands :-) , and if you don't see improvement in the next few days then make a dr. appointment for yourself. Just my two cents...some ideas for you to consider. It's not always as easy as it sounds to " just cheer up" or "get over it". I feel for you. Remember that you are LOVED! :-)
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Jen
11/9/2011 11:50:20 am
Le Ann,
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