This week, in terms of weight loss was an exceptionally tough one. I put my body to the test. Thursday was the first day of March Madness, so Brian and I went to a sports bar to watch Saint Mary's play (my friend Dale's son, starts for them). We have a newer sports bar here in town, and we really couldn't ask for a better set up. I had a chicken sandwich. I can't remember the last time I ate something fried and this sucker was big-and delish. I washed it down with a bottle of wine...I mean...it's March Madness. I was worried about my stomach not tolerating beer, plus, I love wine. Friday, was St. Patrick's day. Of course, this meant incorporating corned beef into my day. I had corned beef hash with two eggs and toast for lunch. Okay, that's forgivable, but then I met a friend for dinner. I had some Thai food and a bottle of wine.... Big sigh, I know, not a good couple of days. Oh, if I'd only stopped there. Saturday started good, with buying some new workout stuff and bras. I've gone down over a cup size. I miss my boobs already, but I must confess-it's great to have bras that fit. I could probably even go to the half size, but I'll wait a month or so on that. My friend met me for shopping and then we had lunch plans. We had a wonderful lunch with some smart choices (kale salad included) and shared a bottle of wine... That should've been the end of it, but we were having such a great time, we decided to go to a bar to watch the Zags play. Honestly, even though we were right in front of a t.v., we were mostly just chatting and drinking...wine.... Before I knew it, she said, I bet we end up at that Miranda Lambert concert tonight. Sure as shit, we did. The drinking continued, including hard alcohol. We drank like we were in Vegas or something. I honestly can't remember the last time I drank that much. My rule of thumb is to not eat past 6:00. Saturday, we were at Old Chicago eating nachos and some bread thing filled with cheese and sausage-at midnight. I can't even imagine how many calories I consumed that day. Thank God, I at least got some walking in that morning. Saturday was certainly not a smart move. I love a little buzz, but I hate to be drunk. I truly do. But I think I needed that day. Actually, we both did. It was a really fun day, and I'm glad we got stuff out of our system.
I woke up Sunday morning feeling God awful about all of the excess of the day before, but I held my commitment to go hiking with a friend that morning. I felt like dung and when we set out, I wasn't convinced I wouldn't shit my pants-but thankfully it all worked out. The hike and conversation were great, but when we were done, I knew my back wasn't right. It got worse as the day went on and now is the reason I'm writing, while I should be at aqua aerobics class. It's killing me to miss it...
I'm in my third week of physical therapy for my back. It had been feeling better until the hike. My back was too messed up to do much in p/t yesterday, but his goal for the day was to try and get the knots out of my back and calm down the muscles. I messed up the two largest muscles in the body this time, so I'm hurting from my butt up to my upper back/shoulder. The p/t hooked up this pulsating thing they do to relax the muscles and then said he was going to try and work out the knots. It wasn't massage, but similar in a crazy painful kind of way. It was a bit weird in that I wouldn't expect a p/t to be massaging my butt. He was respectful, but it all felt so off. He would tell me what he was doing, and I'm someone who isn't really even bothered by pap smears, so I told him I was okay. The pain went up the my back and while he was working on the back, he unbuttoned my bra-without telling me first. That freaked me out.... When he finished he hooked the bra back up, which I didn't understand, as I'm capable of hooking my own bra. He made a comment about sorry for his fumbling he was "no Arthur Fonzarelli." Now, I was officially freaked out. There were a couple other unnerving things, but that's the worst of it. I'm sure it was all on the up and up, but I've never had that this isn't right feeling before in a medical setting. The good news is, my back felt better for a few hours after. The bad new is, my back is still in bad shape, so it will probably be more of the same at p/t tomorrow. I probably wouldn't have thought much about it if it were a woman, which I know isn't fair. I haven't ruled out asking for another p/t, though. There is a woman in the office. I started with her, but they have an open schedule, so I never know which one I'm going to get. Ugh.
I've worked hard to undo the damage I did over those three days. I haven't actually counted calories in an official way since my second month on this, but I have a good estimate in my head of what I do eat. I just got too crazy about the actual numbers, that it wasn't a healthy thing for me to focus on. I know how to eat right, and that's what I try to stick to. I'm sure I was under my calorie allowance Sun-today, though. (which is 1400-1500 cals/day). I weighed in today with a 1 pound 2 oz loss. I'll take it, with a smile! I worked for that...because God knows what kind of calorie intake I had on Sat. These next twenty pounds are going to be big for me. I would like to lose 50 from where I'm at now, but I know my body should make some huge changes with this 20. I'm looking forward to it.
Oh, when I bought the bras, I also bought a new swimsuit. It was nice to just buy an XL, and not have to go to a special section to buy it. As I was looking at them, this woman commented how great this particular one looked on. I took her advice, tried it on and liked it, too. The top was tied was too tight when I tried it on, though. I loosened it up for my class on Monday (I shouldn't have done the class-but thought it would help loosen my back-bad call), and this suit is split in between the boobs. I looked like fucking J Lo at the Grammys in that suit. Fuck. I didn't realize it until I was already at the class. It would open up with every movement. My friend told me you couldn't see anything, but I don't know. I was so uncomfortable the whole class. I'm not happy about paying that much for a suit I won't ever wear to the class again, but maybe it can be a hot tub thing at home (I think I have the hubby talked into getting a hot tub this summer). I tell you what, it's a shock I show up to the class 2x a week. I embarrass the shit out of myself with something new every time, whether it be the split sweatshirt, not thinking and bending over when I was naked in the locker room in front of someone, etc. Dude, it seriously is something every class. I wouldn't be surprised if they think I'm a challenged individual.
I'll leave you with a couple of rules I've tried to live by the last several months: no eating after 6 (unless fucked up), no mayo, try to have a salad every day-even if not focus of meal, and remembering that I'm human. I make tons of poor decisions, but I give myself a break-a completely foreign concept to me. I mean, I did have a meltdown in therapy last week and look up to find my therapist crying. Nobody can be harder on me, than me. Just wanted to pass along a few things that help keep me on track.
I'll leave you with a song that someone close to me sent me today. Listening to the lyrics, I don't know if it's because she related to it, thought I could or both. I do like it. I think you will, too.
Once again, happy Hump Day all.