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Diariesofafatass.com

IV

9/7/2012

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The timing must be great for me to start today’s entry.  As soon as I got on here, Settle Down came on Pandora.  This song is still my mantra.  It probably always be.  I’m constantly having to remind myself to settle down, where it be my nerves, anger, overall bouncing off the wall, what have you, but most
importantly relating to my weight.  I know I put the lyrics on here once before, but I’ll do it again.  This song speaks to my mental well being.  Of course, it doesn’t hurt that Gwen sings it.  Ah Gwen….  Did you see No Doubt play before the Cowboys/Giants game the other night?  I’ll admit that they’ve sounded better, but I love their energy.  I was a little disappointed that Gwen wasn’t doing her kicks during the song, though. I always picture her doing them when I hear this song.  Doesn’t everyone?  I’ve got to see them on tour next year.  Maybe I’ll see her do it then.  No Doubt always puts on a killer show.

It’s hard to imagine that this is only day 4 of changing my eating habits.  It
feels like I’m a couple of weeks into it for some reason. Each day has gotten a little easier, although I was really craving some chocolate yesterday.  I think Aunt Flow is wanting to make an early visit this month. I’m proud of myself for sticking to my rules, though.  Tomorrow will be a little tougher, though.  We’ve promised to take the boys to the Chinese buffet, after Ryno’s out of town game. The game is here (in Rochelle, where I work), and Brian has mentioned to them about this buffet before.  The boys apparently never forgot about it.  Haha.  It’ll be fun, though.  I just need to load up on salad and fruit before I eat anything else.

So, “Pops” was just in my office telling me how he’d seen on t.v. that stick figure models were no longer in.  So, I asked if he thought that meant I’d be able to model once I lost some weight.  I was laughing so hard.  A true gentleman, of course, he said why not?  Then he said, “you are tall.”  LMFAO 
That’s some funny stuff….a model….hahaha.  The one thing I know, is that even
after I lose the weight, I still won’t be attractive. It is what it is.  I know the weight isn’t going to change that.  But if I can have some nice looking abs….enough so I can pierce my belly button: I’ll fucking take it and love it!  I’ve also never been a big fan of tattoos.  It’s always kind of fun to think of what I’d get if I ever got one, but I know that I probably never will.  I also don’t like it when my friends get them, but I always smile and tell them how great it looks.  And in some cases, they really aren’t that bad.  But in this midlife crisis-ee-type-thing, I’ve decided that if I get my weight where I want it; I’m going to get a tattoo of the state of Alaska on me.  I’ve seen some really cool ones, and it’s something that holds so much meaning to me for various reasons.  I imagine I’ll get it on my right shoulder, and have it cover up a scar I have from a mole I had removed several years ago.  Small scar my ass….  Anyway, when I envision
being thinner, I always picture myself wearing a tank top or a no sleeve shirt.  I really do want great arms.  I can actually see it….better keep my shit together, huh?  And then if you see me w/ a tank on and my new awesome tattoo, you’d
better tell me how good it looks.  I don’t care if you’re lying to me, it seems that I need confirmation from others at every turn.  I wish I didn’t, but I do.

Oh, I should tell you about my morning.  I woke up late (as per usual).  Our power went out a couple nights ago, and I only set the time for Brian to get up, not me. So, I slept like crap last night, which means my hardest sleep comes in
the morning.  Cal came in to wake me up.  He crawled into bed with me and started telling me about this great dream he had last night.  (The poor kid has nightmares all the time…he’s afraid of everything…it’s terrible).  He told me his dream of a Truck race and how a girl won, but it didn’t make any sense because it was a ½ mile track, etc. He was so excited.  He said he didn’t even wake up until after the race was over.  He got to see the whole thing!  Even though I knew I was going to be late, I just laid in there with him and he was going on and on about everything.  I loved it. One of those things that I tried to take a mental picture of.  Later in the morning it was kind of funny, though.  I walked in the bathroom, when he was supposed to be brushing his teeth. He was smelling Brian’s deodorant (the kid is obsessed with smells).  His eyes got big like saucers, like he’d been caught doing something bad. I just said, when you’re done with that, you need to brush your teeth.  Also, along the lines of
deodorant…Ryne asked if we can buy him some this weekend. I can’t believe it.  He’s getting so grown up!

I hope this day finds you all well, really, really well.  It’s Friday!

Much Love,

Jen

Food:
7:00  Smoothie (soy milk-to help mask the strong taste of the kale, flax seed, frozen blueberries, banana, kale)
8:00  20 oz Diet Coke
9:30  Carrot w/ single hummus packet

"Settle Down"
Get get get in line, and settle down
Get in line, and settle
down

What's your twenty? (Do you copy?)
Where's your brain? (Do you
copy?)
Checking in to check you out
Concerned about your whereabouts

Copy that, you're acting strange
So tell me what is going on
So heavy I
bet

I'm fine (and nothing's gonna knock this girl down)
I'm hella
positive for real, I'm all good no
I'm fine (and nothing's gonna knock this
girl down)
It's kinda complicated that's for sure

But you can see it
my eyes, you can read on my lips
I'm trying to get a hold on this
And I
really mean it this time
And you know it's such a trip
Don't get me
started
I'm trying to get a hold on this

Get get get in line, and
settle down
Get in line, and settle down

No big deal (I can handle
it)
It'll bounce off me (I can handle it)
Been around the block before,
doesn't matter anymore
Here we go again (Are you kidding me?)
Are you
insane? (Are you kidding me?)
We're underneath the avalanche so heavy
again

I'm fine (and nothing's gonna knock this girl down)
I'm hella
positive for real, I'm all good no
I'm fine (and nothing's gonna knock this
girl down)
It's kinda complicated that's for sure

But you can see it
my eyes, you can read on my lips
I'm trying to get a hold on this
And I
really mean it this time
And you know it's such a trip
Don't get me
started
I'm trying to get a hold on this

Get get get in line, and
settle down
Get in line, and settle down

I'm a rough and tough, i'm a
rough and tough
And nothing's gonna knock this girl down
I'm a rough and
tough, I'm a rough and tough
And nothing's gonna knock this girl down
I'm
a rough and tough, I'm a rough and tough
And nothing's gonna knock this girl
down
I'm a rough and tough, I'm a rough and tough

But you can see it
my eyes, you can read on my lips
I'm trying to get a hold on this
And I
really mean it this time
And you know it's such a trip
Don't get me
started
I'm trying to get a hold on this

Gotta get a hold on this

Trying to get a hold on this
Don't get me started
Gotta get a hold on
this

Get get get in line, and settle down
Get in line, and settle
down

Get get get in line, and settle down
Get in line, and settle
down

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    Jen

    Age 47
    Married 24 years
    2 boys, 18 & 15
    email: diariesofafatass@gmail.com


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