It's nearly 11 P.M. Everyone is asleep. Cal wormed his way into sleeping in my room tonight. He watched "Jingle All the Way" with Brian and I in here, and then acted as if he were so tired he couldn't possibly move. It's his move. He probably had it planned all night. So, I'm in here typing this in the dark, with ITunes on low, while Cal sleeps next to me. Brian is asleep on the couch. I don't know why I didn't go in Cal's room to work on this. Quite frankly it didn't occur to me until after I had the laptop and music going on in here. The damn battery won't charge, so I have to use it plugged in. And at this point, I'm too lazy to go through the whole setup again in his room. I've already spent some time cleaning. I turned my phone off a couple of hours ago. And I'm just here...really wanting a glass of wine or something, but that would be ridiculous at this time of night. I've actually done pretty good lately with the drinking. The 2 weeks leading up to Friday night, I'd only had one beer during that time. Not too shabby for me. But my mind is trying to fuck with me tonight, and let me tell you: it's pissing me off....
Last I wrote, I was going to visit my good friend H.P. and to see my sisters. I had the loser cruiser all ready to go and was picking up the kids from school when my sister got a hold of me telling me that the weather had really turned over there. The highway I would be taking had a 10 car pileup with fatalities. Really awful. So, of course I made the decision for us to stay home. It's hard to swallow when the weather here was fine. It really had been quite the week, and I was so looking forward to getting over there. The boys were super bummed, too. So, Fri. I had Brian take me to the brewery for my 2 beers (I've learned that any more than 2 is way too much :) I got home and Walt and Julie had invited me to go meet them. Brian was going to take me to them, but H.P. called and I ended up talking to her forever. We were so very bummed we didn't get to see each other, but we had a great talk. OMG talk about laughing until you cry. We come up with the most obscure games. We talked for quite a while, so by the time I'd gotten off the phone I had a bunch of texts accusing me of flaking out (flakiness is a trait that I can't stand) but in a nice way. I said, if you want to hang out, you have to come pick me up. And low and behold, Walt and Julie came and got me. We went back to their house to hang out and have some drinks. We also had to call our really good friend Caity, as it was her birthday. It was a total crackup. We were all about on the same playing field as far as the buzz we were all riding. Anyway, hanging out with Walt and Julie is just so nice. I can talk about anything with them, and we pretty much talked about anything and everything from all things Alaska to our spiritual beliefs. It was the 90 day anniversary of Walt's sweet Mom's passing. It's so hard to see someone going through that pain, but Walt is so wonderful about balancing all of the good with the pain associated with his loss. I don't think I got home until 1:30 or 2 A.M. I can't even remember the last time I stayed out that late. It was probably the NY trip in March.
I paid dearly for the sins of the night come Sat. morning. I had a giant headache, and then Aunt Flow came with a vengeance at the same time. I pretty much lost the whole morning to feeling hungover, bloated, cramping, etc. I finally made myself get going early afternoon, though, so we could see the boys to see Santa. As any 12 year old would be, Ryne was none to impressed. Cal got a kick out of it, though. Cal will be 10 years old on Sat. He still believes in Santa, but it's not as though he's not hearing from his friends that he doesn't exist. I love the innocence that Cal possesses, though. And Ryne has been really good about never saying anything about it to him. As I tell Ryne, "those who don't believe, don't receive." He always grins widely while claiming over and over again to believe. I have to imagine that this is the last year that Cal will totally believe, though. I'll have to really take that in. It makes me sad that this will probably be it.
Tomorrow we will be spending the day in Leavenworth. It's a Bavarian style town that is totally done up for Christmas. It's a couple hour drive from here. I'm really hoping it gets me in the spirit. Brian asked me today if I was getting excited for Christmas, before I could think about my reply, I said: no. I can explain the reasoning for some of it, but really not for most of it. It's so weird. I walked out into the living room earlier, and I had the lights on the tree on. For the first time, it struck me: the beauty of the tree. The tree has been up for a while, and the house has been decorated, but it's like it's not real. It's hard to explain. I stood there looking at the tree for a while, and it really bummed me out because by the time I get into it, it will probably be time to take everything down. My indifference to this season is just so...weird.
Well, it's fantasy football playoff time. I'm in one big money league. It's my former work league, and it's all guys with the exception of me. I was a 50 point favorite to win the first week of the playoffs against the 8 seed. I lost in a total heartbreaker. It's sad to me, the way all of that ended. I was the #1 rank for the season, by quite a bit. Not one of the guys congratulated me on the season. I used to hear from some of them quite a bit. It's now been a while, since I've heard from any of them. Today was the last game of the playoffs. I won the consolation bracket by a mile, but unfortunately that doesn't pay anything. But more than anything, to me, it feels like the end of that connection I had with some of my old friends from back in IL. The first couple of months, there was not need for an excuse for us to talk, and then talk kind of just turned to fantasy football every once in a while. Now that excuse is gone. I played for the championship in my cousin's, wife's family league. I played my cousin's wife, and she beat me by 24 points. We were only separated by 9 points for the whole season, and the only other time we played, we tied. But today wasn't my day. And truth be told, I think she had a better team than me. So, hat's off to her. I'm in one other money league, and I'll play for the championship next week. It's an all girl league. It's the first time I've been in one of those. It's been fun. I think I was my only cheerleader, though. Kind of a weird. Maybe it's because we are all competitive people. Anyway, the Seahawks lost today, too. Boo :( Hopefully they got it out of their system. I firmly believe they are the best team in football. Here's hoping that we get to the Superbowl! This football season seemed to go by so fast. I'll be really sad to see it end.
Well, I think this blog has been a good distraction tonight. I was trying to keep myself from going to a lonely place, and I think it worked. There's no reason for me to feel that way. My son is sleeping beside me. My oldest boy is snoring away in his room. My dog is hogging my leg room. And Brian and I had a really nice weekend together. The feeling just sneaks up on me sometimes and usually in the oddest of times. Maybe I'm just too tired. I haven't been sleeping well, and this is the period from hell. It's making me feel like puking even as I type. Pamprin hasn't helped worth a damn. I'm sure it's just my hormones. Damn hormones, anyway.
Alright, I should do a few things, and then try to sleep. Tomorrow is going to be a long, busy day.
Much Love,
Jen
Last I wrote, I was going to visit my good friend H.P. and to see my sisters. I had the loser cruiser all ready to go and was picking up the kids from school when my sister got a hold of me telling me that the weather had really turned over there. The highway I would be taking had a 10 car pileup with fatalities. Really awful. So, of course I made the decision for us to stay home. It's hard to swallow when the weather here was fine. It really had been quite the week, and I was so looking forward to getting over there. The boys were super bummed, too. So, Fri. I had Brian take me to the brewery for my 2 beers (I've learned that any more than 2 is way too much :) I got home and Walt and Julie had invited me to go meet them. Brian was going to take me to them, but H.P. called and I ended up talking to her forever. We were so very bummed we didn't get to see each other, but we had a great talk. OMG talk about laughing until you cry. We come up with the most obscure games. We talked for quite a while, so by the time I'd gotten off the phone I had a bunch of texts accusing me of flaking out (flakiness is a trait that I can't stand) but in a nice way. I said, if you want to hang out, you have to come pick me up. And low and behold, Walt and Julie came and got me. We went back to their house to hang out and have some drinks. We also had to call our really good friend Caity, as it was her birthday. It was a total crackup. We were all about on the same playing field as far as the buzz we were all riding. Anyway, hanging out with Walt and Julie is just so nice. I can talk about anything with them, and we pretty much talked about anything and everything from all things Alaska to our spiritual beliefs. It was the 90 day anniversary of Walt's sweet Mom's passing. It's so hard to see someone going through that pain, but Walt is so wonderful about balancing all of the good with the pain associated with his loss. I don't think I got home until 1:30 or 2 A.M. I can't even remember the last time I stayed out that late. It was probably the NY trip in March.
I paid dearly for the sins of the night come Sat. morning. I had a giant headache, and then Aunt Flow came with a vengeance at the same time. I pretty much lost the whole morning to feeling hungover, bloated, cramping, etc. I finally made myself get going early afternoon, though, so we could see the boys to see Santa. As any 12 year old would be, Ryne was none to impressed. Cal got a kick out of it, though. Cal will be 10 years old on Sat. He still believes in Santa, but it's not as though he's not hearing from his friends that he doesn't exist. I love the innocence that Cal possesses, though. And Ryne has been really good about never saying anything about it to him. As I tell Ryne, "those who don't believe, don't receive." He always grins widely while claiming over and over again to believe. I have to imagine that this is the last year that Cal will totally believe, though. I'll have to really take that in. It makes me sad that this will probably be it.
Tomorrow we will be spending the day in Leavenworth. It's a Bavarian style town that is totally done up for Christmas. It's a couple hour drive from here. I'm really hoping it gets me in the spirit. Brian asked me today if I was getting excited for Christmas, before I could think about my reply, I said: no. I can explain the reasoning for some of it, but really not for most of it. It's so weird. I walked out into the living room earlier, and I had the lights on the tree on. For the first time, it struck me: the beauty of the tree. The tree has been up for a while, and the house has been decorated, but it's like it's not real. It's hard to explain. I stood there looking at the tree for a while, and it really bummed me out because by the time I get into it, it will probably be time to take everything down. My indifference to this season is just so...weird.
Well, it's fantasy football playoff time. I'm in one big money league. It's my former work league, and it's all guys with the exception of me. I was a 50 point favorite to win the first week of the playoffs against the 8 seed. I lost in a total heartbreaker. It's sad to me, the way all of that ended. I was the #1 rank for the season, by quite a bit. Not one of the guys congratulated me on the season. I used to hear from some of them quite a bit. It's now been a while, since I've heard from any of them. Today was the last game of the playoffs. I won the consolation bracket by a mile, but unfortunately that doesn't pay anything. But more than anything, to me, it feels like the end of that connection I had with some of my old friends from back in IL. The first couple of months, there was not need for an excuse for us to talk, and then talk kind of just turned to fantasy football every once in a while. Now that excuse is gone. I played for the championship in my cousin's, wife's family league. I played my cousin's wife, and she beat me by 24 points. We were only separated by 9 points for the whole season, and the only other time we played, we tied. But today wasn't my day. And truth be told, I think she had a better team than me. So, hat's off to her. I'm in one other money league, and I'll play for the championship next week. It's an all girl league. It's the first time I've been in one of those. It's been fun. I think I was my only cheerleader, though. Kind of a weird. Maybe it's because we are all competitive people. Anyway, the Seahawks lost today, too. Boo :( Hopefully they got it out of their system. I firmly believe they are the best team in football. Here's hoping that we get to the Superbowl! This football season seemed to go by so fast. I'll be really sad to see it end.
Well, I think this blog has been a good distraction tonight. I was trying to keep myself from going to a lonely place, and I think it worked. There's no reason for me to feel that way. My son is sleeping beside me. My oldest boy is snoring away in his room. My dog is hogging my leg room. And Brian and I had a really nice weekend together. The feeling just sneaks up on me sometimes and usually in the oddest of times. Maybe I'm just too tired. I haven't been sleeping well, and this is the period from hell. It's making me feel like puking even as I type. Pamprin hasn't helped worth a damn. I'm sure it's just my hormones. Damn hormones, anyway.
Alright, I should do a few things, and then try to sleep. Tomorrow is going to be a long, busy day.
Much Love,
Jen
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