I've been trying suuuupppper hard to keep it all together lately. Can't you tell? Truth is 90% of the time, I've been completely overwhelmed and disappointed. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm having a pity party. But as my therapist says, "it's well deserved." While the past month has had some really positive things, which is what I try to focus on, I've really taken some big blows. I've taken blows from those I never would've thought I'd take them from (friends and family). I'm left wondering how to move forward within these relationships. That saying keeps going over and over in my head: don't cross oceans for those who wouldn't cross a puddle for you. I know this sounds very self indulgent, and I agree: it is. But really, I think I'm attracted to selfish people. I've realized this for quite some time, but lately it's really caught up with me. Of course, I'm not talking about all of the people in my life, but I am referring to some people who have played big parts in my life. I know right now is not the best time to make any permanent decisions, as I'm hella overwhelmed and sad right now. But, moving forward, I hope I do remember how I've felt lately and adjust accordingly. How's that?.... Yep. I'm trying to put myself first. Tired of feeling like this.
The moving truck arrived today. We have it until Wed. We'll then have a nearly 1 1/2 weeks without our stuff. The timing of the truck is really kind of messy. We had to take it a week earlier than we planned to have it get there, for the first of the month. This caught us off-guard and our whole plan kinda went to hell and a hand basket. Because we'll be without our belongings for so long, I think we are going over to Spokane to spend a few days with my sisters on our way out to IL. It's on the way. I think we might also stop by and see my friend Kara. She's living in MT, but is just about to move to Anchorage. It would be nice to stay a night with her family. Kara really does have the greatest family. GD I love her husband, Phil. We have always gotten along so well. I just saw them over the 4th, and it had been way too long. So, hopefully we'll be able to get some nice visits in on our way out there. The move is simply too expensive to take the kids to any big events on our way out. Plus, I won't be working....again.... To say that I'm stressed about the finances of it all, is an understatement. I'm not sure if I mentioned that we finally got a house. It's a much, much bigger house than we wanted, but literally, it was all there was. We were actually lucky, as numerous people wanted to rent it, and he chose us. So, I'm glad we have a place, but at the same time, I really didn't want to spend that kind of money on something we really don't need. It's even on an acre. Taking care of that place, is going to keep us very busy....
Life is a roller coaster. I know this. When I get to feeling so down, it's so hard to see out of. I've been trying, though. The Vancouver trip was a nice distraction. I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel right now, but I know it's there. And trust me, I know if could always be worse. I even get guilt for being down, because I'm well aware that there's real things out there that are unimaginable. I have a healthy family, and I'm so very grateful for that. I'm not sure if I've ever put the song, She Keeps Me Warm on here. The end when she sings about, "I'm Not Crying on Sundays" is real. She's manic...and I love that she has tried to make this rule for herself. I think it's a beautiful love song, but what gets me is that ending. I've made it to this point of the day without of having a breakdown...so for that I'm proud. Today, there's no crying on Friday's. Well, until later after my friend Julie and I have drank up my expensive wine (because I don't want to keep moving it). Yep, we'll be drinking the wine out of Red Solo cup, I'm sure. She'll make me sad about moving, and I'll end up crying. Sounds like fun, huh?! But she's helping me pack, which is awesome...and so appreciated... It will be fun and productive, until it isn't. haha.
Oh, I must mention something that made me cry happy tears yesterday. My friend Misty text me, without knowing anything about how the move is coming or my state of mind, and said to let her know if I wanted help moving. She said she'd take a day off of work. At a point, where it felt as if nobody cared, she was a bright light. It's a reminder of the power that we can have on people. Being nice to someone is easy for us, and it can impact them more than we know. Misty made my heart smile in the midst of a couple of days of horrible pain. Thank God for her and people like that in this world.
Have a wonderful weekend!
Jen
"She Keeps Me Warm"
She
says I smell like safety and home
I named both of her eyes “Forever” and
“Please don’t go”
I could be a morning sunrise all the time, all the time
yeah
This could be good, this could be good
And I can’t change, even
if I tried
Even if I wanted to
And I can’t change, even if I tried
Even if I wanted to
My love, my love, my love, my love
She keeps me
warm, she keeps me warm
What’s your middle name?
Do you hate your
job?
Do you fall in love too easily?
What’s your favorite word?
You
like kissing girls?
Can I call you baby?
Yeah, yeah
She says
that people stare ‘cuz we look so good together
Yeah, yeah, yeah
And
I can’t change, even if I tried
Even if I wanted to
And I can’t change,
even if I tried
Even if I wanted to
My love, my love, my love, my
love
She keeps me warm, she keeps me warm [x2]
I’m not crying
on Sundays, I’m not crying on Sundays [x2]
Love is patient, love is
kind [x4]
My love, my love, my love, my love
She keeps me warm,
she keeps me warm
The moving truck arrived today. We have it until Wed. We'll then have a nearly 1 1/2 weeks without our stuff. The timing of the truck is really kind of messy. We had to take it a week earlier than we planned to have it get there, for the first of the month. This caught us off-guard and our whole plan kinda went to hell and a hand basket. Because we'll be without our belongings for so long, I think we are going over to Spokane to spend a few days with my sisters on our way out to IL. It's on the way. I think we might also stop by and see my friend Kara. She's living in MT, but is just about to move to Anchorage. It would be nice to stay a night with her family. Kara really does have the greatest family. GD I love her husband, Phil. We have always gotten along so well. I just saw them over the 4th, and it had been way too long. So, hopefully we'll be able to get some nice visits in on our way out there. The move is simply too expensive to take the kids to any big events on our way out. Plus, I won't be working....again.... To say that I'm stressed about the finances of it all, is an understatement. I'm not sure if I mentioned that we finally got a house. It's a much, much bigger house than we wanted, but literally, it was all there was. We were actually lucky, as numerous people wanted to rent it, and he chose us. So, I'm glad we have a place, but at the same time, I really didn't want to spend that kind of money on something we really don't need. It's even on an acre. Taking care of that place, is going to keep us very busy....
Life is a roller coaster. I know this. When I get to feeling so down, it's so hard to see out of. I've been trying, though. The Vancouver trip was a nice distraction. I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel right now, but I know it's there. And trust me, I know if could always be worse. I even get guilt for being down, because I'm well aware that there's real things out there that are unimaginable. I have a healthy family, and I'm so very grateful for that. I'm not sure if I've ever put the song, She Keeps Me Warm on here. The end when she sings about, "I'm Not Crying on Sundays" is real. She's manic...and I love that she has tried to make this rule for herself. I think it's a beautiful love song, but what gets me is that ending. I've made it to this point of the day without of having a breakdown...so for that I'm proud. Today, there's no crying on Friday's. Well, until later after my friend Julie and I have drank up my expensive wine (because I don't want to keep moving it). Yep, we'll be drinking the wine out of Red Solo cup, I'm sure. She'll make me sad about moving, and I'll end up crying. Sounds like fun, huh?! But she's helping me pack, which is awesome...and so appreciated... It will be fun and productive, until it isn't. haha.
Oh, I must mention something that made me cry happy tears yesterday. My friend Misty text me, without knowing anything about how the move is coming or my state of mind, and said to let her know if I wanted help moving. She said she'd take a day off of work. At a point, where it felt as if nobody cared, she was a bright light. It's a reminder of the power that we can have on people. Being nice to someone is easy for us, and it can impact them more than we know. Misty made my heart smile in the midst of a couple of days of horrible pain. Thank God for her and people like that in this world.
Have a wonderful weekend!
Jen
"She Keeps Me Warm"
She
says I smell like safety and home
I named both of her eyes “Forever” and
“Please don’t go”
I could be a morning sunrise all the time, all the time
yeah
This could be good, this could be good
And I can’t change, even
if I tried
Even if I wanted to
And I can’t change, even if I tried
Even if I wanted to
My love, my love, my love, my love
She keeps me
warm, she keeps me warm
What’s your middle name?
Do you hate your
job?
Do you fall in love too easily?
What’s your favorite word?
You
like kissing girls?
Can I call you baby?
Yeah, yeah
She says
that people stare ‘cuz we look so good together
Yeah, yeah, yeah
And
I can’t change, even if I tried
Even if I wanted to
And I can’t change,
even if I tried
Even if I wanted to
My love, my love, my love, my
love
She keeps me warm, she keeps me warm [x2]
I’m not crying
on Sundays, I’m not crying on Sundays [x2]
Love is patient, love is
kind [x4]
My love, my love, my love, my love
She keeps me warm,
she keeps me warm
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