I first heard the line, “One is one too many, one more is never enough…” in the song, You and Tequila Make Me Crazy by Kenny Chesney. I totally identified with that line. It’s me and food. It’s me, the majority of time with alcohol. It’s me w/ being social. Basically everything in excess. Geneen Roth wrote about that phrase yesterday when talking about a guy she’d met at one of her retreats. The man was talking about his relationship with food. Geneen said, “how can you get filled up by something you don’t even want?” That made total sense to me. Lately all of my eating hasn’t been about enjoying the experience of eating or meeting up with friends to have a meal. It’s been literally about
stuffing my face. I’m stuffing my face with just about anything that’s bad for me. I heard some radio d.j.’s talking about the death of the Twinkie yesterday.
They were asking when is the last time you actually had one? They were saying it’s been years. Like when our parents used to sometimes put those individual ones in our lunch pails. But sadly, I’d rediscovered the Susie Q about a year ago. I couldn’t get enough of those fucking things. Talk about a chemical shit
storm. I’m so adult in so many ways, but I eat like a child who solely thinks of taste. I literally don’t seem “satisfied” from eating until I feel sick. How fucked up is that? Of course, then I’m like why did I do that? Until the next time I do the EXACT same thing. The only thing I’ve had any sort of control over lately is Pepsi. I did have a Coke on Sat., but really it was because of an awful hangover…. But all I think about all day is Pepsi. I want one so bad, but I know it’s like the saying goes: One is one too many, one more is never enough…..
So, my friend Amy got me a book called, “The Amazing Adventures DietGirl” for Christmas. It’s about a girl that started blogging in order to inspire herself to lose weight. On the surface, it might seem awfully familiar…. Shauna Reid is the author and she went into is wanting to lose half of her weight. In the beginning she takes the Weight Watcher’s road and is super successful. Right off the bat she was losing tons of weight. At first I was like, GREAT…this book is making me feel like a huge douche bag. I’m such a loser. Is this book designed to make me feel worse about myself? I mean, a year and a half into it I’ve gained weight. But Shauna finds her own ways to map out her weight loss journey. In her story, although it’s so much different than mine, there started to be all sorts of similarities. I think those of us with addiction or weight issues all have some of the same core issues, albeit they are our own stories. Anyway, Shauna’s weight loss came over many years. It was so amazing to see her transformation as the weight came off. I’m not talking about seeing a physical
transformation. (There weren’t a lot of photos through the book), but her transformation as a person. She learned so much about herself and her triggers (which are pretty much the same as me=everything). It was wonderful to see her come out of her shell and actually start enjoying life. I hide so much, that I know I’m missing so many things. I really enjoyed the book, and if you follow this blog, it may be something you’d enjoy as well. And let me tell you: for the first time ever: I actually checked out a blog! It’s pretty cool, and there’s some great advice in there. For me, it was so nice to find someone I could identify with.
A couple of months ago, a really close friend was about to go on vacation to MX with her husband and two other couples. My friend was nervous for the bikini as the other girls are at least 10 years younger than her and in fantastic shape. My friend worked super hard to get herself ready for the trip and finally felt secure with herself (as much as she could). She text me bikini pics she’d taken for her husband. Let me tell you. She knocked it out of the park. She’s in fantastic shape! Anyway, I had to get rid of texts yesterday and deleted our conversation, thus deleting the bikini photos. Today I was thinking about how amazing that must have felt for her to send pictures like that. I can’t imagine feeling so comfortable with my body that I’d actually allow someone to see it. I have a million motivation factors that go through my head about why I need to lose weight. Today, that motivation factor is with me. I’d love that feeling of being secure with my own body. Right now, I cover my body up as much as I can. It disgusts me…. But today, I draw inspiration from my dear friend. I’ve got get this show on the road. I really, really, REALLY FUCKING do. I said, “FUCKING” just so you’d know how serious I am ; )
Until tomorrow, my friends. I hope tomorrow finds us all healthy and heading toward our goals, whatever that may be.
Love,
Jen
Oh today’s song is one that I identify with as this girl can’t seem to turn off her brain. She might also be a little crazy just like me.
"Little Talks" by Of Monsters and Men
Hey! Hey! Hey!
I don't like walking around this old and empty
house
So hold my hand, I'll walk with you, my dear
[Video version:]
The stairs creak as you sleep, it's keeping me awake
[Live version:]
The stairs creak as I sleep, it's keeping me awake
It's the house telling you
to close your eyes
Some days I can't even trust myself
It's killing me
to see you this way
'Cause though the truth may vary
This ship will
carry our bodies safe to shore
Hey! Hey! Hey!
There's an old voice
in my head that's holding me back
Well tell her that I miss our little
talks
Soon it will be over and buried with our past
We used to play
outside when we were young
And full of life and full of love.
[Video version:] Some days I don't know if I am wrong or right
[Live version:] Some days I feel like I'm wrong when I'm right
Your
mind is playing tricks on you, my dear
'Cause though the truth may
vary
This ship will carry our bodies safe to shore
Hey!
Don't
listen to a word I say
Hey!
The screams all sound the same
Hey!
Though the truth may vary
This ship will carry our bodies safe to shore
Hey!
Hey!
You're gone, gone, gone away
I watched you
disappear
All that's left is the ghost of you.
Now we're torn, torn, torn
apart,
There's nothing we can do
Just let me go we'll meet again soon
Now wait, wait, wait for me
Please hang around
I'll see you when I fall
asleep
Hey!
Don't listen to a word I say
Hey!
The screams all
sound the same
Hey!
Though the truth may vary
This ship will carry our
bodies safe to shore
Don't listen to a word I say
Hey!
The screams
all sound the same
Hey!
Though the truth may vary
This ship will
carry our bodies safe to shore
Though the truth may vary
This ship
will carry our bodies safe to shore
Though the truth may vary
This
ship will carry our bodies safe to shore
stuffing my face. I’m stuffing my face with just about anything that’s bad for me. I heard some radio d.j.’s talking about the death of the Twinkie yesterday.
They were asking when is the last time you actually had one? They were saying it’s been years. Like when our parents used to sometimes put those individual ones in our lunch pails. But sadly, I’d rediscovered the Susie Q about a year ago. I couldn’t get enough of those fucking things. Talk about a chemical shit
storm. I’m so adult in so many ways, but I eat like a child who solely thinks of taste. I literally don’t seem “satisfied” from eating until I feel sick. How fucked up is that? Of course, then I’m like why did I do that? Until the next time I do the EXACT same thing. The only thing I’ve had any sort of control over lately is Pepsi. I did have a Coke on Sat., but really it was because of an awful hangover…. But all I think about all day is Pepsi. I want one so bad, but I know it’s like the saying goes: One is one too many, one more is never enough…..
So, my friend Amy got me a book called, “The Amazing Adventures DietGirl” for Christmas. It’s about a girl that started blogging in order to inspire herself to lose weight. On the surface, it might seem awfully familiar…. Shauna Reid is the author and she went into is wanting to lose half of her weight. In the beginning she takes the Weight Watcher’s road and is super successful. Right off the bat she was losing tons of weight. At first I was like, GREAT…this book is making me feel like a huge douche bag. I’m such a loser. Is this book designed to make me feel worse about myself? I mean, a year and a half into it I’ve gained weight. But Shauna finds her own ways to map out her weight loss journey. In her story, although it’s so much different than mine, there started to be all sorts of similarities. I think those of us with addiction or weight issues all have some of the same core issues, albeit they are our own stories. Anyway, Shauna’s weight loss came over many years. It was so amazing to see her transformation as the weight came off. I’m not talking about seeing a physical
transformation. (There weren’t a lot of photos through the book), but her transformation as a person. She learned so much about herself and her triggers (which are pretty much the same as me=everything). It was wonderful to see her come out of her shell and actually start enjoying life. I hide so much, that I know I’m missing so many things. I really enjoyed the book, and if you follow this blog, it may be something you’d enjoy as well. And let me tell you: for the first time ever: I actually checked out a blog! It’s pretty cool, and there’s some great advice in there. For me, it was so nice to find someone I could identify with.
A couple of months ago, a really close friend was about to go on vacation to MX with her husband and two other couples. My friend was nervous for the bikini as the other girls are at least 10 years younger than her and in fantastic shape. My friend worked super hard to get herself ready for the trip and finally felt secure with herself (as much as she could). She text me bikini pics she’d taken for her husband. Let me tell you. She knocked it out of the park. She’s in fantastic shape! Anyway, I had to get rid of texts yesterday and deleted our conversation, thus deleting the bikini photos. Today I was thinking about how amazing that must have felt for her to send pictures like that. I can’t imagine feeling so comfortable with my body that I’d actually allow someone to see it. I have a million motivation factors that go through my head about why I need to lose weight. Today, that motivation factor is with me. I’d love that feeling of being secure with my own body. Right now, I cover my body up as much as I can. It disgusts me…. But today, I draw inspiration from my dear friend. I’ve got get this show on the road. I really, really, REALLY FUCKING do. I said, “FUCKING” just so you’d know how serious I am ; )
Until tomorrow, my friends. I hope tomorrow finds us all healthy and heading toward our goals, whatever that may be.
Love,
Jen
Oh today’s song is one that I identify with as this girl can’t seem to turn off her brain. She might also be a little crazy just like me.
"Little Talks" by Of Monsters and Men
Hey! Hey! Hey!
I don't like walking around this old and empty
house
So hold my hand, I'll walk with you, my dear
[Video version:]
The stairs creak as you sleep, it's keeping me awake
[Live version:]
The stairs creak as I sleep, it's keeping me awake
It's the house telling you
to close your eyes
Some days I can't even trust myself
It's killing me
to see you this way
'Cause though the truth may vary
This ship will
carry our bodies safe to shore
Hey! Hey! Hey!
There's an old voice
in my head that's holding me back
Well tell her that I miss our little
talks
Soon it will be over and buried with our past
We used to play
outside when we were young
And full of life and full of love.
[Video version:] Some days I don't know if I am wrong or right
[Live version:] Some days I feel like I'm wrong when I'm right
Your
mind is playing tricks on you, my dear
'Cause though the truth may
vary
This ship will carry our bodies safe to shore
Hey!
Don't
listen to a word I say
Hey!
The screams all sound the same
Hey!
Though the truth may vary
This ship will carry our bodies safe to shore
Hey!
Hey!
You're gone, gone, gone away
I watched you
disappear
All that's left is the ghost of you.
Now we're torn, torn, torn
apart,
There's nothing we can do
Just let me go we'll meet again soon
Now wait, wait, wait for me
Please hang around
I'll see you when I fall
asleep
Hey!
Don't listen to a word I say
Hey!
The screams all
sound the same
Hey!
Though the truth may vary
This ship will carry our
bodies safe to shore
Don't listen to a word I say
Hey!
The screams
all sound the same
Hey!
Though the truth may vary
This ship will
carry our bodies safe to shore
Though the truth may vary
This ship
will carry our bodies safe to shore
Though the truth may vary
This
ship will carry our bodies safe to shore
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