Today is already shaping up to be a really fantastic day. Our neice Taylor just had her water break. Hopefully there will be a baby today! I can't tell you how much I wish I could be there. I'm tearing up as I'm writing this. The holidays are always an exceptionally tough time to be so far away from family. It helped a lot that Mom was here, though. The visit has been so nice. I'm sorry it's coming to an end so soon. It was also tough yesterday, as I really wish we were in Washinton for Jeff's service.
I guess my resolutions have basically been the same since I can remember. I always want to get healthier and lose weight. This year I'm looking at it a little bit differently, as I just want to continue what I've been doing (last 11 days excluded). I think eating the way I have this last couple of weeks isn't the worst thing in the world. I really feel like shit. I crave getting back on track. I wish I would've been stronger during this stretch, but man...Mom's cooking. I just keep thinking she's not here much longer and to enjoy it. I love everything about it until I have to take a Tums (which I didn't have to do for the previous 2 1/2 months). I am ready to start getting my shit back together tomorrow.
This morning has been different than New Years past. I think about even last year and all of the texts from the night before and that I woke up to. It was a lot different this year. It's all on me.... I've fallen off the face of the earth in so many ways. I wish I could say my resolution would be to get myself back out there-to be in better touch with people. In this moment, I'm not there, though. I woke up wishing I could just have a week by myself. A week where I could write (book) and sleep. I know that's selfish as all get out, but I've spent a lifetime putting everyone else first. I really just crave alone time these days. Despite the tinge of sadness, I also woke up grateful for such a new New Year. The night was spent with Mom and also with Caleb at a friend's house. I'd also been invited out with another friend but wasn't able to go. It feels good to be so far from so many people I love but also know that I have people here that love me.
I cleaned out my cubbies at work on Thursday. I shred all my paystubs (since they are available online), and I took a bunch of stuff home. Just that act, felt so good. It felt good because I'd really been wanting to clean the area for a while, but mostly it felt freeing. I feel less tied to the place now, and I needed that. I'm certainly not making any huge decisions right now, but I've been thinking a ton lately about quality of life. We have just this one life, and it feels so wrong to me that I spend the bulk of my time working at a career that doesn't feed my soul. I spend so much time in the car. Idk. Work is a necessary evil, and I'm a firm believer that the grass isn't always greener. I just know for me, I long for more. I long to feel good about what I did, at the end of the day. We'll see what 2017 has in store.
I should get going. We are making a big breakfast this morning and Mom is now ready. I just wanted to wish you a wonderful New Year. If your hungover, I've heard amazing things about drinking pickle juice. Good luck to you.