Vancouver came and went all too quickly. We drove over on Sat., and came back the next day. We packed as much as possible into our short stay, though.
We were able to visit with Brian’s family, and also Brian and I were able to hang out with our friends. Brian saw an arena league football game with his best friend, and I met Nurse Kristy for dinner on the Columbia River. I’ll never get tired of that view. From there, we met friends out for a night of karaoke. I wanted a small group, and I think it was just right. I was able to visit with everyone, and even though I was dead tired, we made it to nearly closing. My
friend Cookie (nickname) and I sang Lady by the Little River Band. As I explained to Brian: it’s my signature tune. This is funny, because I can’t sing…AT ALL. I shouldn’t have a signature tune. Our group of 5 girls also sang, Lost in Love by Air Supply. Let me tell you, that was a hot mess! But it was lots of fun, and something we’ll all surely remember. The next morning Brian’s Grandma made us all French toast. On our way out of town, we went to visit my friend Jo and take a dip in her pool. Jo has been a very dear friend of mine for many, many years, and I’m so glad we were able to say goodbye. She’s a good egg, that one. The boys shed many tears, but I think they handled it better than the first go around. Not by much…but it breaks my heart to see them sad, so I’ll take it. So, other than getting to go in Jo’s pool, they were also spoiled rotten the rest of the day. I hate moving them… They both want this move, but it’s still hard for them knowing they won’t be seeing Brian’s family any time soon.
Saying goodbye to the few friends I saw over there, proved much harder than I thought it would be. I know I’ve been really distant in a lot of ways lately, but knowing there will be so much more space between us got to me. No, no…I didn’t cry, but dang it was close. I’ve been in such a funk for so long, that it’s hasn’t been easy for me to really enjoy the friendships I have. Going to Vancouver was a really nice reminder of how lucky I am.
I’m doubling up on therapy again this week. I figured I would, since I don’t plan on going once we get out to IL. My therapist is exceptional, and it’s so hard to start over again. Therapy has always been really hard for me. Last week I had it back-to-back days. Holy shit did it wipe me out! I go into tonight knowing I need it, but not wanting to do it, at the same time. I’m just wondering why in the hell I’m not fixed by now! This time around has been really eye opening, though. I’m going through something right now, that I’m handling better than I would have in the past. I do have therapy to thank for that… Just maybe, one of these days my self-esteem just won’t be so terrible…
I can only hope.
Speaking of self-esteem… As I’ve mentioned in previous posts, I’m at my heaviest weight. My recent trips have really brought that fact to my attention. I’m not mobile like I was….I LOOK like my weight….and I just don’t feel well. So, today I’ve made some baby steps. I won’t even repeat it, because you’ll be like, uh, that’s not really anything, but I’m happy that I came back from this 1 day in Vancouver, ready to make some changes. I realize that the move will likely keep me from tackling this thing 100%, but I feel better even making small changes right now. Once we get out to IL, I’m ready to make my commitment…. I have to. I honestly feel like I’m going to leave Brian a widower and my children motherless. The obesity will kill me, one way or another. I feel good, that I can actually say, right now, that I’m ready to fight
for my life. And my right to party. Haha….
I hope you all are having a wonderful day. I wish nothing but the best for
you.
Jen
Here’s my “signature tune.”
"Lady"
Look
around you, look up here
Take time to make time, make time to be there
Look around, be a part
Feel for the winter, but don't have a cold
heart
And I love you best
You're not like the rest
You're there
when I need you
You're there when I need
I'm gonna need you
A
long time ago I had a lady to love
She made me think of things I never
thought of
Now she's gone and I'm on my own
A love song has come into my
mind
A love song, it was there all the time
So, lady, let me take a
look at you now
You're there on the dance floor making me want you
somehow
Oh, lady, I think it's only fair I should say to you
Don't be
thinking that I don't want you, 'cause maybe I do
Look around, come to
me
I have no answers, but know where I wanna be
I look around, play a
part
I was born in the winter and cooled by a warm heart
And I love
you best
You're not like the rest
You're there when I need you
You're there when I need
I'm gonna need you
So, lady, let me take a
look at you now
You're there on the dance floor making me want you
somehow
Oh, lady, I think it's only fair I should say to you
Don't be
thinking that I don't want you, 'cause maybe I do
Don't be thinking that I
don't want you, lady, I do
We were able to visit with Brian’s family, and also Brian and I were able to hang out with our friends. Brian saw an arena league football game with his best friend, and I met Nurse Kristy for dinner on the Columbia River. I’ll never get tired of that view. From there, we met friends out for a night of karaoke. I wanted a small group, and I think it was just right. I was able to visit with everyone, and even though I was dead tired, we made it to nearly closing. My
friend Cookie (nickname) and I sang Lady by the Little River Band. As I explained to Brian: it’s my signature tune. This is funny, because I can’t sing…AT ALL. I shouldn’t have a signature tune. Our group of 5 girls also sang, Lost in Love by Air Supply. Let me tell you, that was a hot mess! But it was lots of fun, and something we’ll all surely remember. The next morning Brian’s Grandma made us all French toast. On our way out of town, we went to visit my friend Jo and take a dip in her pool. Jo has been a very dear friend of mine for many, many years, and I’m so glad we were able to say goodbye. She’s a good egg, that one. The boys shed many tears, but I think they handled it better than the first go around. Not by much…but it breaks my heart to see them sad, so I’ll take it. So, other than getting to go in Jo’s pool, they were also spoiled rotten the rest of the day. I hate moving them… They both want this move, but it’s still hard for them knowing they won’t be seeing Brian’s family any time soon.
Saying goodbye to the few friends I saw over there, proved much harder than I thought it would be. I know I’ve been really distant in a lot of ways lately, but knowing there will be so much more space between us got to me. No, no…I didn’t cry, but dang it was close. I’ve been in such a funk for so long, that it’s hasn’t been easy for me to really enjoy the friendships I have. Going to Vancouver was a really nice reminder of how lucky I am.
I’m doubling up on therapy again this week. I figured I would, since I don’t plan on going once we get out to IL. My therapist is exceptional, and it’s so hard to start over again. Therapy has always been really hard for me. Last week I had it back-to-back days. Holy shit did it wipe me out! I go into tonight knowing I need it, but not wanting to do it, at the same time. I’m just wondering why in the hell I’m not fixed by now! This time around has been really eye opening, though. I’m going through something right now, that I’m handling better than I would have in the past. I do have therapy to thank for that… Just maybe, one of these days my self-esteem just won’t be so terrible…
I can only hope.
Speaking of self-esteem… As I’ve mentioned in previous posts, I’m at my heaviest weight. My recent trips have really brought that fact to my attention. I’m not mobile like I was….I LOOK like my weight….and I just don’t feel well. So, today I’ve made some baby steps. I won’t even repeat it, because you’ll be like, uh, that’s not really anything, but I’m happy that I came back from this 1 day in Vancouver, ready to make some changes. I realize that the move will likely keep me from tackling this thing 100%, but I feel better even making small changes right now. Once we get out to IL, I’m ready to make my commitment…. I have to. I honestly feel like I’m going to leave Brian a widower and my children motherless. The obesity will kill me, one way or another. I feel good, that I can actually say, right now, that I’m ready to fight
for my life. And my right to party. Haha….
I hope you all are having a wonderful day. I wish nothing but the best for
you.
Jen
Here’s my “signature tune.”
"Lady"
Look
around you, look up here
Take time to make time, make time to be there
Look around, be a part
Feel for the winter, but don't have a cold
heart
And I love you best
You're not like the rest
You're there
when I need you
You're there when I need
I'm gonna need you
A
long time ago I had a lady to love
She made me think of things I never
thought of
Now she's gone and I'm on my own
A love song has come into my
mind
A love song, it was there all the time
So, lady, let me take a
look at you now
You're there on the dance floor making me want you
somehow
Oh, lady, I think it's only fair I should say to you
Don't be
thinking that I don't want you, 'cause maybe I do
Look around, come to
me
I have no answers, but know where I wanna be
I look around, play a
part
I was born in the winter and cooled by a warm heart
And I love
you best
You're not like the rest
You're there when I need you
You're there when I need
I'm gonna need you
So, lady, let me take a
look at you now
You're there on the dance floor making me want you
somehow
Oh, lady, I think it's only fair I should say to you
Don't be
thinking that I don't want you, 'cause maybe I do
Don't be thinking that I
don't want you, lady, I do
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