So, I'm not a great sleeper. I don't know if I ever really have been. I've been having more problems the past several years, though. Usually, it's just that I can't turn my mind off. I lay there forever before falling asleep, and then I proceed to get up a few times during the night to pee. For the past month or so, I've been having a whole different sleeping issue. I don't remember having this issue before, but who knows, my memory is so bad, maybe I have. Anyway, getting to sleep hasn't been too tough, but I keep having these very clear, vivid, reoccurring dreams night after night. I wake up, and then I think about them forever. Now, get your mind out of the gutter....not the good kind of dreams, you know, when you feel like you need to take a shower in the morning. One of the dreams is that Brian tells me that we're moving to: insert city here (last time it was Memphis). He tells me he got hired somewhere else, etc. In the dream, I'm thinking...really? You took a job without talking to me first? I think this dream is just b/c I feel so unsettled, knowing that IL is just a temporary place to live. Also, I feel like I have no control. I've never, not worked, before. I feel like I don't contribute enough to the family, etc. Times are tight, and I'm looking for a job, but there's not much out here in BFE. The other "dream" is about a "friend" that recently screwed me over. Here's the real life back story: This "good friend" offered to help me out after we moved, with selling some of our stuff on Craigslist, that I hadn't gotten rid of, and selling other stuff in a garage sale that she'd have at our house. (They were also in the process of moving, and needed a place to have their moving sale). My father-in-law had offered to do this for me, but he hasn't been feeling well, so I wasn't comfortable on taking him up on it. With the "friend," I thought it was a win/win. Her and her hubby could stay at my house, etc. for a while before they left, and I was just glad to help them, and was very appreciative of them helping me. I used to hear from this "friend" everyday. Even after the move I'd hear from her all the time, she was going to send me my $ (nearly $700), and some stuff of mine, inc. printer, Vita-Mix (which is why I was so pissed I had to buy another one...), some other stuff of mine, and something she'd promised to Ryne. Ryne checked the mail every single day for 2 months looking for it. Anyway, almost nightly I dream that her and I have a conversation, and she tells me why she hasn't been able to send it, and I believe her, and she gets me my money and stuff. I feel like such an asshole (real life here). I should've seen this coming... I don't know if it was their intention to steal from us all along, or if they ran into trouble and "borrowed" my money. They won't get back to me. So, once again I wake up early this morning from this dream. This time I have an epiphany, though. This is keeping me up at night, while they are probably sleeping like babies... This money is a HUGE deal to me, but I'm not going to let them steal my sleep, too. So, hopefully with this realization, I'll sleep much more sound tonight. Wish me luck :)
So, on to good dreams! I'm going to work on a collage today of the things I'd love in life, that I don't yet have. Goals, so to speak. I'd heard Oprah talk about it, and Jillian Michaels in her Unlimited book. This doesn't mean I do everything that Oprah tell me to, well...actually I do. This collage will be on a cork board, and I'll hang it in my room. It'll be a nice thing to look at in the morning to remember why I'm watching my food and drink, and things that I hope to have the money for someday. At the end of each night, I'll have to look at it, and hopefully have the answer that I made the right choices that day to get me closer to those goals. I'll post it on here, when I'm done.
MOFO!!!! I CAN'T QUIT EATING TODAY!!!!
7:30 Smoothie (soy milk, spinach, apple, frozen peaches) This wasn't my favorite, but I'm not a big fan of apples, so I thought I'd make myself have one by throwing it in my breakfast.
8:15 Caffeine free Diet Coke
9:10 Morning Star Farms breakfast sandwich
11:00 Bowl of Raisin Bran w/ soy milk
12:30 1/2 whole wheat pb sandwich w/ honey
2:00 Bowl of
So, on to good dreams! I'm going to work on a collage today of the things I'd love in life, that I don't yet have. Goals, so to speak. I'd heard Oprah talk about it, and Jillian Michaels in her Unlimited book. This doesn't mean I do everything that Oprah tell me to, well...actually I do. This collage will be on a cork board, and I'll hang it in my room. It'll be a nice thing to look at in the morning to remember why I'm watching my food and drink, and things that I hope to have the money for someday. At the end of each night, I'll have to look at it, and hopefully have the answer that I made the right choices that day to get me closer to those goals. I'll post it on here, when I'm done.
MOFO!!!! I CAN'T QUIT EATING TODAY!!!!
7:30 Smoothie (soy milk, spinach, apple, frozen peaches) This wasn't my favorite, but I'm not a big fan of apples, so I thought I'd make myself have one by throwing it in my breakfast.
8:15 Caffeine free Diet Coke
9:10 Morning Star Farms breakfast sandwich
11:00 Bowl of Raisin Bran w/ soy milk
12:30 1/2 whole wheat pb sandwich w/ honey
2:00 Bowl of
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