I went through last Friday without really knowing what had happened in the school shooting. My boss said something to me early about it, but at that time all that had been reported was a gunman had killed himself. I was busy all day long, and once 3:30 came around we were right out the door to meet co-workers and my friend for a drink. It was at our table that someone brought up the shooting and the carnage that was unleashed. I was physically sick to my stomach. I was in shock…. I really just sat there feeling stunned and sick for a while, until the mood was lifted with a game of “I’ve Never” and F/M/K. btw.
In nearly every instance of playing “I’ve Never,” I really have never…what many people have done. I always feel so inexperienced. Lol. Only that game can
make me feel like that, because I feel more fulfilled in that way than nearly
anyone I’ve ever spoken about it with. But I do love F/M/K, because there, I can create these scenarios in which I seem very experienced, or at least an experienced porn writer. Think porn writers are allowed in the screen writer’s guild? Anyway, I could only stay out just shy of 2 hours. I had a blast, though.
Laura and I left at the same time, and left the rest to party the night away. Once I got in my car, I was overcome with emotion over the shooting. At that time, I hadn’t seen any news coverage, I only knew what had been reported at our table. I absolutely lost it on the way home. Just like every other American, or human being the pain was just unbearable. I literally found myself YELLING at God. I swear I yelled at him half the drive home. I don’t understand these things, and I never will. I don’t think these things “happen for a reason,” and I doubt I’ll ever find myself believing in that theory. It wasn’t my first time yelling at God. I’ve done it with other catastrophic events. I pray and pray for an end to pain and sufferance, but it will never come. I’ve since made my peace with God, but he knows where I stand. Once I got home, I, like many people, made sure to keep my kids close that night. I forced them to watch Christmas movies with me. Ryne was not very happy. Haha. After they went to bed, I watched the news and continued my mourning. A friend and I were texting about it. It’s like Pink sings, I sometimes feel things more
than I should. I really wish I could change this about myself. It’s hard to let these things go. Seeing suffering in other people, or thinking about what those kids went through, for example, will never leave me. It’s like it bites off a piece of my soul each time.
Saturday came along, which I’d been looking forward to all week. We had a day planned, as a family. We were all going to Rockford to have lunch at Red Robin, do some shopping, and then go see Christmas lights. Ryne proved to be quite the challenge before we even left the house. That boy must be going through some stage. A quite shitty one, I might add. But once we got out and about we had a really nice time.
Sunday went really well until Brian and I had words about this issue that we’ll always have. He doesn’t like to go do things w/ my friends or my co. functions, etc. We were supposed to go to a party at my boss’, boss house. Brian got really pissy about it, so we weren’t going. Then he figured out he’d really pissed me off, and last min. said he wanted to go. I hate that stuff…. Why can’t it be
easier? I went to his party, he should go to mine… blah, blah, blah, we went and had a nice time. Or at least I did, but he did a much better job of faking enjoying himself than he normally does. I’ll give him kudos for that, I guess.
Yesterday brought me much relief, as I got the last of my holiday packages mailed off. I swear it’s the best I feel all year. It’s such a sense of relief. Anyway, while at the post office, there were only 2 people working and there was a pretty big line. There was an old lady at one of the registers and she was there forever it was making me nuts! Finally I heard him tell her to go fill some stuff out and then get back in line. When she turned around, I saw that she was really old, probably in her nineties. He hands were shaking and she was holding these 3 little boxes. She went back to one of those tables to get her stuff together. Once I was done sending all of my stuff. I went to where she was (surrounded by all of these people in line), and asked she would let me help her. I started helping her get her boxes in order and put together. Then a lady came up and gave me a pen. I started filling them out, and soon enough another lady walked up and asked if she could help, too. It was too cute, the packages were from “Mom.” I just imagined her 70 something kids getting their little packages. When I was done, the lady took me by the arm and thanked me profusely and genuinely. I couldn’t believe that I’d started my time at the post office being irritated by her. I felt so good about being able to help
that, which will undoubtedly be my favorite part of the holiday season. I have something to learn from experience, for sure.
With that, I’ll let you go for today. I know this is supposed to be a weight loss blog, but if I told you what I’ve been eating, it would just be a lesson in weight
gain.
Hope you all are being healthier than I am.
Much love,
Jen
In nearly every instance of playing “I’ve Never,” I really have never…what many people have done. I always feel so inexperienced. Lol. Only that game can
make me feel like that, because I feel more fulfilled in that way than nearly
anyone I’ve ever spoken about it with. But I do love F/M/K, because there, I can create these scenarios in which I seem very experienced, or at least an experienced porn writer. Think porn writers are allowed in the screen writer’s guild? Anyway, I could only stay out just shy of 2 hours. I had a blast, though.
Laura and I left at the same time, and left the rest to party the night away. Once I got in my car, I was overcome with emotion over the shooting. At that time, I hadn’t seen any news coverage, I only knew what had been reported at our table. I absolutely lost it on the way home. Just like every other American, or human being the pain was just unbearable. I literally found myself YELLING at God. I swear I yelled at him half the drive home. I don’t understand these things, and I never will. I don’t think these things “happen for a reason,” and I doubt I’ll ever find myself believing in that theory. It wasn’t my first time yelling at God. I’ve done it with other catastrophic events. I pray and pray for an end to pain and sufferance, but it will never come. I’ve since made my peace with God, but he knows where I stand. Once I got home, I, like many people, made sure to keep my kids close that night. I forced them to watch Christmas movies with me. Ryne was not very happy. Haha. After they went to bed, I watched the news and continued my mourning. A friend and I were texting about it. It’s like Pink sings, I sometimes feel things more
than I should. I really wish I could change this about myself. It’s hard to let these things go. Seeing suffering in other people, or thinking about what those kids went through, for example, will never leave me. It’s like it bites off a piece of my soul each time.
Saturday came along, which I’d been looking forward to all week. We had a day planned, as a family. We were all going to Rockford to have lunch at Red Robin, do some shopping, and then go see Christmas lights. Ryne proved to be quite the challenge before we even left the house. That boy must be going through some stage. A quite shitty one, I might add. But once we got out and about we had a really nice time.
Sunday went really well until Brian and I had words about this issue that we’ll always have. He doesn’t like to go do things w/ my friends or my co. functions, etc. We were supposed to go to a party at my boss’, boss house. Brian got really pissy about it, so we weren’t going. Then he figured out he’d really pissed me off, and last min. said he wanted to go. I hate that stuff…. Why can’t it be
easier? I went to his party, he should go to mine… blah, blah, blah, we went and had a nice time. Or at least I did, but he did a much better job of faking enjoying himself than he normally does. I’ll give him kudos for that, I guess.
Yesterday brought me much relief, as I got the last of my holiday packages mailed off. I swear it’s the best I feel all year. It’s such a sense of relief. Anyway, while at the post office, there were only 2 people working and there was a pretty big line. There was an old lady at one of the registers and she was there forever it was making me nuts! Finally I heard him tell her to go fill some stuff out and then get back in line. When she turned around, I saw that she was really old, probably in her nineties. He hands were shaking and she was holding these 3 little boxes. She went back to one of those tables to get her stuff together. Once I was done sending all of my stuff. I went to where she was (surrounded by all of these people in line), and asked she would let me help her. I started helping her get her boxes in order and put together. Then a lady came up and gave me a pen. I started filling them out, and soon enough another lady walked up and asked if she could help, too. It was too cute, the packages were from “Mom.” I just imagined her 70 something kids getting their little packages. When I was done, the lady took me by the arm and thanked me profusely and genuinely. I couldn’t believe that I’d started my time at the post office being irritated by her. I felt so good about being able to help
that, which will undoubtedly be my favorite part of the holiday season. I have something to learn from experience, for sure.
With that, I’ll let you go for today. I know this is supposed to be a weight loss blog, but if I told you what I’ve been eating, it would just be a lesson in weight
gain.
Hope you all are being healthier than I am.
Much love,
Jen
RSS Feed