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Diariesofafatass.com

Feel Again

12/4/2012

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Picture
I’m in a pretty great mood today, despite coming into work a little early.  Haha.  We are in “shut down,” so I’ll be working 10 hour days the next few days.  It’s a good thing I’m in a good mood, or this could really drag.  It’s funny how quickly a change in diet can affect your mindset.  I know I had that pizza yesterday, but today I feel good. I feel like I’ve been watching what I’m eating forever, instead of what’s really been going down.  I know I didn’t eat enough yesterday, but I know today I’ll eat a lot more.  It’s 9:30, and I already have.  I’m quite hungry this morning.


Locked out of Heaven just came on Pandora.  Damn, I love this song.  I’ve modified a new station on Pandora, and I’m really digging it.  I was listening to my Dr. Hook station for far too long.  I love it, but it’s time to mix it up a bit. 
Anyway, this song reminds me of 80’s music which wasn’t always great, far from it, but there really was some good stuff mixed in there.  Music will always be the gateway to my soul.  It’s also a direct reflection of my mood.  If I’m enjoying music and singing along in the car, or getting my crazy videos in my head: I know I’m in a good place. Nearly every song, will remind me of someone, as well.  It’ll be that it was their favorite song, or I’ve seen them do it
karaoke, or we’ve talked about, or I know they love the artist, etc.  It’s a good reminder to think of my friends.  80’s songs are especially great for reminding me of people from high school, even though it may have been forever since I’ve seen them. Right now Hoobastank is on, and it reminds me of a concert that Nurse Kristy and I went to.  It’s a great story, but one that I probably shouldn’t share on here.  Alecia Keys just came on, and it makes me think of a friend that just loves her. If I could marry music, I would. Haha.  If I were to be stranded on an island, and could bring one person or music (Brian is not in this scenario), I’d probably choose music.  Lol.

I plan on doing the recumbent bike at my house tonight.  I know it’s going to be a long day, given the hours, plus my commute.  But I’m wanting to do ½ hour.  For some, that’s a warm up, and hopefully I’ll feel the same way soon, but for now, it’s a big deal.  I’ve been entirely too sedentary lately.  Yesterday I did do a great job of running around between the buildings, and intentionally not using a hand truck, so that I would make several trips from front to back of the warehouse while putting stuff away.  This morning, I went right in and cleaned our disgusting kitchen.  It’s very obvious, I work with nearly all men.  None of them are neat, plus they are Maintenance guys, so they’re always covered in something or other that manages to get everywhere.  Anyway, I did it for me. 
They probably won’t even notice.  I did it to get me out of the office, and because it grosses me out so much, I never sit in there and eat with the guys. 
Today, maybe I will.  They are a good bunch.  I may go clean our yucky bathroom next.  The guys are always using it, which pisses me off to no end. 
Right now is the calm before the storm.  I’ll be very, very busy soon, so I may
as well take advantage.  Oh, and the frosted sugar cookies and cupcakes (ah, my favorite) in the kitchen, don’t feel like much of a temptation today.  Yay!

So, I’ve got this little nativity scene in my office.  It’s all in one, and I paid like $1.50 for it at Goodwill.  It’s totally cheesy, but I wanted one for my office.  My favorite Christmas decoration, is the nativity scene my Mom bought me 20 years ago, or so.  I also bought a friend one a few years ago, and it may be my favorite gift that I’ve ever bought for someone.  Everyone should have one :)  Don't tell me you don't have one, unless you're hoping one will show up on your doorstep.

Oooh, Sober just came on.  I will always associate this song with my struggles with depression. It’s like she wrote it for me.

Man, this day is just dragging on.  I’ve been much hungrier than I should be, too.  I’ve eaten quite a bit of filling foods.  My mind’s probably just trying to fuck with me, since I’m not loading it up w/ the food it craves.  They boys brought in lunch from a nice Mexican restaurant.  They have a wonderful avocado burrito.  Ooh, it was tempting, but I stayed with my plan and they lunch I’d brought.  You hear that?  It’s my willpower returning!  I’m now eating an apple.  Apples never were my favorite, but after eating crap for so long, they taste absolutely fantastic.  I should probably end this, or I’ll keep typing.  Today
has just drug on, and I still have 2 ½ more hours.  I did just get out and walk to another plant, to get me out of my office, though. 

Hope you’re all having a great day!

Jen

Food:
6:00 Smoothie (water, spinach, ground flax seed, banana, frozen blueberries and strawberries)
7:30  Pure Leaf Unsweetened iced tea
9:00  2 Cutie oranges
10:00  Some baby carrots
12:00  Big bowl of "super foods" greens w/ lite honey mustard dressing, and a large bowl of tomato bisque soup (see recipe)
2:30  Red apple
4:40  Cutie orange   Ugh....this is the longest day ever...
6:00  Left over potatoes from the crock pot and steamed broccoli w/ Mrs. Dash lemon pepper seasoning
8:00  Small handful of raw almonds

Exercise:
1/2 hour workout on recumbant bike

"Feel Again" by One Republic
I've been waiting to have some sense of normalcy, so I could put this one on here.  Love it.

It's
been a long time coming since I've seen your face
I've been everywhere and
back trying to replace everything that I've had till my feet went
numb
Praying like a fool that's been on a run
Heart's still beating but
it's not working
It's like a million dollar phone that you just can't
ring
I reach out trying to love but I feel nothing
Yeah, my heart is
numb

But with you
I feel again
Yeah with you
I can feel
again

Yeah

Woo-hoo [x4]

I'm feeling better ever
since you know me
I was a lonely soul but that's the old me

It's been
a long time coming since I've seen your face
I've been everywhere and back
trying to replace everything that I broke till my feet went numb
Praying like
a fool that just shot a gun
Heart still beating but it's not working
It's
like a hundred thousand voices that just can't sing
I reach out trying to
love but I feel nothing
Oh my heart is numb

But with you
I feel
again
Yeah with you
I can feel again

But with you
(I'm feeling
better ever since you know me)
I feel again
(I was a lonely soul but
that's the old me)
Yeah with you
(I'm feeling better ever since you know
me)
I can feel again
(I was a lonely soul)

Woo-hooo

Woo-hooo
[x4]

(I'm feeling better ever since you know me)
(I was a
lonely soul, but that's the old me)
(I'm feeling better ever since you know
me)
(I was a lonely soul, but that's the old me)
(I'm feeling better ever
since you know me)
(I was a lonely soul, but that's the old me)

I'm
feeling better ever since you know me
I was a lonely soul but that's the old
me
A little wiser now from what you show me
Yeah, I feel again
Feel
again...



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    Jen

    Age 47
    Married 24 years
    2 boys, 18 & 15
    email: [email protected]


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