I’ve been fighting off this head cold thingy since Sunday or so. It finally
grabbed a good hold of me last night, and this morning. It’s been quite a while since I’ve been sick, so I really shouldn’t bitch. Plus, I know it could be a lot worse, so I’m just hoping it stays where it’s at.
Although I wasn’t feeling well, last night I was able to be in the moment and keep myself busy. After I picked up the boys, I helped with homework, made dinner, and then took Cal to swim practice. I must confess that I didn’t watch him too much, though. I started that Harry Potter book. It’s been surprisingly entertaining. It almost might be the easiest read I’ve ever had. It’s nice to not have to put any thought into it at all. I think I was able to get down 70 pgs. in the hour long practice. I’m definitely not a super-fast reader, so that says something about how it’s written. I think it’s definitely geared toward younger kids, and I do mean maybe Cal’s age. Lol My mind is so simple to be entertained by something like this. After I got home, though, I did start to think about how much I love to read. I think I should always have a book
going. I don’t know why I don’t. I guess I think I never have time for it, but trust me, I’m one lazy fuck. I’ve got the time.
So, I took another stab at therapy today. I found a place in town (where I work), so it makes it a lot easier to make time for. I went on my lunch today.
At first impression, the place is a shithole. Well, at every impression I guess.
There’s no getting around it. I wasn’t sure what I’d gotten myself into. But the gal was pretty good. It was mainly just an overview of what I want from therapy, what I’ve gotten from it, blah, blah, blah, but she made me feel comfortable. I’ll meet with her in another couple of weeks. She wants to work on my self worth, self-esteem, and not beating myself up so much. Go figure.
I had to pay to hear I have those issues? Lol Anyway, usually when I leave therapy I’m completely exhausted. Brian doesn’t think I should go, because he thinks it always leaves me sad for a few days afterward. The ppl that I know that go, usually feel better after going. I guess I just get so mad at myself that I still need it after all of these years, and that I don’t feel like I’m any better off than when I started. But if I really look myself in the mirror, I know it’s been a sort of savior for me. I’d never been to therapy until Caleb was diagnosed.
That’s what got me started. I do know it helped me through that time. For a long time, it was the only place I felt I could have any sort of emotion. Funny in light of what my hormones have done to me over the past year or so. Being emotional is no longer an issue. Keeping things bottled up sometimes still is, but at least I can let it out more often. So, I guess going to therapy today was a good thing. It’s given me a minute to reflect on how far I’ve come in some ways. I just hate that I get overwhelmed by how far I think I still need to go.
There are some things from my life that I don’t know that I’ll ever be able to get past. That’s so very frustrating to me, because ppl have most certainly had to overcome more than I’ve had in this life. It leaves me feeling weak….a feeling I’m used to, I guess.
I mixed a country c.d. for Brooker, the other night. I listened to it, and I’d put Everybody Knows by the Dixie Chicks on the c.d. Man, I love them. I sure miss them. Like a ton. If I could see any concert, it would be to see them again. I’ve already seen them a few times, but fucking A they’re good. I hadn’t listened to this song in a while, but just like nearly every DCX song, it takes you a bunch of places. This song certainly seems poignant today. Hope you like it.
Happy Hump Day,
Jen
"Everybody Knows"
Tell me now if you came sneaking up behind
Would you know me and
see behind the smile
I can change like colors on a wall
Hoping no one else
will find what lies beneath it all
I think I hide it all so well
Stepping out, everyone can see my face
All the things I can't erase from my
life
Everybody knows
Standing out so you won't forget my name
That's
the way we play this game of life
Everybody knows
Looking through the
crowd
I search for something else
But every time I turn around
I run
into myself
Here I stand
Consumed with my surroundings
Just another
day
Of everybody looking
I swore they'd never see me cry
You'll never
see me cry
Stepping out, everyone can see my face
All the things I
can't erase from my life
Everybody knows
Standing out so you won't forget
my name
That's the way we play this game of life
Everybody knows
You say I'll pay the price
That's the chance that I'll take
Though you may
think I'm telling lies
But I just call it getting by
Stepping out,
everyone can see my face
All the things I can't erase from my life
Everybody knows
Standing out so you won't forget my name
That's the
way we play this game of life
Everybody knows I am just barely getting
by
grabbed a good hold of me last night, and this morning. It’s been quite a while since I’ve been sick, so I really shouldn’t bitch. Plus, I know it could be a lot worse, so I’m just hoping it stays where it’s at.
Although I wasn’t feeling well, last night I was able to be in the moment and keep myself busy. After I picked up the boys, I helped with homework, made dinner, and then took Cal to swim practice. I must confess that I didn’t watch him too much, though. I started that Harry Potter book. It’s been surprisingly entertaining. It almost might be the easiest read I’ve ever had. It’s nice to not have to put any thought into it at all. I think I was able to get down 70 pgs. in the hour long practice. I’m definitely not a super-fast reader, so that says something about how it’s written. I think it’s definitely geared toward younger kids, and I do mean maybe Cal’s age. Lol My mind is so simple to be entertained by something like this. After I got home, though, I did start to think about how much I love to read. I think I should always have a book
going. I don’t know why I don’t. I guess I think I never have time for it, but trust me, I’m one lazy fuck. I’ve got the time.
So, I took another stab at therapy today. I found a place in town (where I work), so it makes it a lot easier to make time for. I went on my lunch today.
At first impression, the place is a shithole. Well, at every impression I guess.
There’s no getting around it. I wasn’t sure what I’d gotten myself into. But the gal was pretty good. It was mainly just an overview of what I want from therapy, what I’ve gotten from it, blah, blah, blah, but she made me feel comfortable. I’ll meet with her in another couple of weeks. She wants to work on my self worth, self-esteem, and not beating myself up so much. Go figure.
I had to pay to hear I have those issues? Lol Anyway, usually when I leave therapy I’m completely exhausted. Brian doesn’t think I should go, because he thinks it always leaves me sad for a few days afterward. The ppl that I know that go, usually feel better after going. I guess I just get so mad at myself that I still need it after all of these years, and that I don’t feel like I’m any better off than when I started. But if I really look myself in the mirror, I know it’s been a sort of savior for me. I’d never been to therapy until Caleb was diagnosed.
That’s what got me started. I do know it helped me through that time. For a long time, it was the only place I felt I could have any sort of emotion. Funny in light of what my hormones have done to me over the past year or so. Being emotional is no longer an issue. Keeping things bottled up sometimes still is, but at least I can let it out more often. So, I guess going to therapy today was a good thing. It’s given me a minute to reflect on how far I’ve come in some ways. I just hate that I get overwhelmed by how far I think I still need to go.
There are some things from my life that I don’t know that I’ll ever be able to get past. That’s so very frustrating to me, because ppl have most certainly had to overcome more than I’ve had in this life. It leaves me feeling weak….a feeling I’m used to, I guess.
I mixed a country c.d. for Brooker, the other night. I listened to it, and I’d put Everybody Knows by the Dixie Chicks on the c.d. Man, I love them. I sure miss them. Like a ton. If I could see any concert, it would be to see them again. I’ve already seen them a few times, but fucking A they’re good. I hadn’t listened to this song in a while, but just like nearly every DCX song, it takes you a bunch of places. This song certainly seems poignant today. Hope you like it.
Happy Hump Day,
Jen
"Everybody Knows"
Tell me now if you came sneaking up behind
Would you know me and
see behind the smile
I can change like colors on a wall
Hoping no one else
will find what lies beneath it all
I think I hide it all so well
Stepping out, everyone can see my face
All the things I can't erase from my
life
Everybody knows
Standing out so you won't forget my name
That's
the way we play this game of life
Everybody knows
Looking through the
crowd
I search for something else
But every time I turn around
I run
into myself
Here I stand
Consumed with my surroundings
Just another
day
Of everybody looking
I swore they'd never see me cry
You'll never
see me cry
Stepping out, everyone can see my face
All the things I
can't erase from my life
Everybody knows
Standing out so you won't forget
my name
That's the way we play this game of life
Everybody knows
You say I'll pay the price
That's the chance that I'll take
Though you may
think I'm telling lies
But I just call it getting by
Stepping out,
everyone can see my face
All the things I can't erase from my life
Everybody knows
Standing out so you won't forget my name
That's the
way we play this game of life
Everybody knows I am just barely getting
by
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