So, I'm seeing myself (physically) in a horrible, horrible light today... I'm taking my boys swimming (since I think that will be easiest on my knee, and it's their fave thing to do), and I got a good look at myself in my one piece. Shit.... I want to totally break down. I don't know how Brian can be attracted to me. I'm so disgusted with myself. How did I let this happen.....? I really need to pull my fat ass out of my three chins and get going, seriously.....
The boys and I went swimming for about an hour. I drug the kids around a lot, and just tried to keep moving. At times, I could really feel it in my knee? Really? In the pool? Fuck.
Tonight a group from church met, and we are trying to start a weekly weight loss meeting. It's a little weird for me, since I don't know most of them. There seems to be a lot of different opinions on what this should be, etc. Hopefully, we'll get it all worked out last week. We ended by weighing ourselves. I'm the one that took everyones weights, and will keep them on record. I had my friend Lisa verify my weight w/ me. 217.2 lbs..... How, how, how???? That's about 5 lbs. more than my scale at home. I really feel like I've been losing lately. Am I crazy, or was I in the fucking 20's? MOFO... I'm really having a tough time today. It was the wrong day for a weigh in. My weight's upsetting me, which just leads into everything else. You know how freaking all or nothing I am. I miss my friends. I miss talking to my friends every day. I miss my house. I miss my family. I miss Vancouver. I miss having an idea of what the future holds. Today is overwhelming me, and I just want to eat. I haven't eaten since 5, so I am legitimately hungry, but it's too late to eat now. Just a tough day. If all goes well, I'll cry myself to sleep soon. A girl can wish, can't she? Enough of this cry me a river crap. BTW. When did I turn into such a pussy? It's disgusting. Even I don't like myself.
Hope you're having a much better day than me.
Much love,
Jen
Food:
8:15 Banana
10:00 Bowl of oatmeal (made w/ water and added a little brown sugar)
11:30 1/2 pb and honey on whole wheat w/ an apple, Caffeine free diet Coke
5:00 2 tacos (soft corn shell, Morning Star "meat", homemade guac, salsa), big salad (spinach, spring mix, pinto beans, honey mustard dressing), Caffeine free Diet Coke.
Exercise:
1 hour in the pool w/ the boys. I tried to stay active. Even the pool bothered my knee....
Weights (minus leg exercises)
The boys and I went swimming for about an hour. I drug the kids around a lot, and just tried to keep moving. At times, I could really feel it in my knee? Really? In the pool? Fuck.
Tonight a group from church met, and we are trying to start a weekly weight loss meeting. It's a little weird for me, since I don't know most of them. There seems to be a lot of different opinions on what this should be, etc. Hopefully, we'll get it all worked out last week. We ended by weighing ourselves. I'm the one that took everyones weights, and will keep them on record. I had my friend Lisa verify my weight w/ me. 217.2 lbs..... How, how, how???? That's about 5 lbs. more than my scale at home. I really feel like I've been losing lately. Am I crazy, or was I in the fucking 20's? MOFO... I'm really having a tough time today. It was the wrong day for a weigh in. My weight's upsetting me, which just leads into everything else. You know how freaking all or nothing I am. I miss my friends. I miss talking to my friends every day. I miss my house. I miss my family. I miss Vancouver. I miss having an idea of what the future holds. Today is overwhelming me, and I just want to eat. I haven't eaten since 5, so I am legitimately hungry, but it's too late to eat now. Just a tough day. If all goes well, I'll cry myself to sleep soon. A girl can wish, can't she? Enough of this cry me a river crap. BTW. When did I turn into such a pussy? It's disgusting. Even I don't like myself.
Hope you're having a much better day than me.
Much love,
Jen
Food:
8:15 Banana
10:00 Bowl of oatmeal (made w/ water and added a little brown sugar)
11:30 1/2 pb and honey on whole wheat w/ an apple, Caffeine free diet Coke
5:00 2 tacos (soft corn shell, Morning Star "meat", homemade guac, salsa), big salad (spinach, spring mix, pinto beans, honey mustard dressing), Caffeine free Diet Coke.
Exercise:
1 hour in the pool w/ the boys. I tried to stay active. Even the pool bothered my knee....
Weights (minus leg exercises)
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