Last night I was cleaning up my bedroom a bit, and I
came across a very sweet note that a close friend had sent me at my
birthday. And bam, light bulb goes
off in my head….yes; it still happens from time to time, that she sent me tulips
for my birthday this year. I made
a comment the other day that I hadn’t rec’d flowers in ages, but I’m a total
bonehead, with pretty much no memory.
So, I know you read this sometimes. I’m sorry I temporarily forget. But you know me, I can always blame it
on insanity ; )
Yesterday was quite the busy day.
Caleb had an appointment with his eye surgeon, just past Chicago. I’m really beginning to resent being in
a car so much. Anyway, as usual, it
was a very long appt., seeing two different Dr.’s.
And what do you know, it’s the same thing he’s told us now (after 4 trips
in the past 6-7 months): Caleb still has the strabismus in both eyes, but his
glasses do help a little. Let’s
wait on surgery. This time we will
go 6 mos. In between appt.’s (which is so much more reasonable), and then they
will dilate his eyes again and that whole 4 hour process.
So, the good news is, he doesn’t need surgery, the bad news is, we’re
just putting off the inevitable.
To me, I’d like him to have the surgery while he’s younger.
If his eyes don’t work right, it seems a bit counterproductive to his
o.t. now. But what the hell do I
know? So, Cal and I were out for
about 6 hours. When we got home,
it was a total rush to get Ryne’s birthday dinner started, run to the bank, and
then to the post office (to mail the Mother’s Day gifts I’d gotten Brian to send
to his family….but he never made it to the p.o., but that’s a different
issue). Then we were off to see
part of Ryne’s first baseball practice of the year.
Ryne really is excited to play.
Although, I totally could’ve crapped my pants, when they had the kids run
to the position they want to play, and Ryne ran out to Right Field?
WTF? He said later, that he
wanted to play 1st, but
there were already a few kids there.
He’s a lefty, so it’s really either first or the outfield.
But I told him, there’s no need to really “try out” for right field. Hopefully he tries for Center
tonight. It would be much
better (for
him action wise) 11 yo baseball, where kids can’t yet take it to the opposite
field.
Ryne really did have a nice birthday.
He enjoyed his birthday dinner (he wanted meatloaf, mashed potatoes,
Rhodes rolls, and pie). Thank God
for the “apple” pie, or he wouldn’t have consumed any fruits or veggies at
all. Haha.
He got calls from a lot of the family on both
sides.
The Brooker called last night.
It was so good to talk to her.
Our schedules are completely opposite, so it’s really hard for us to nail
down times to catch up. It’s
mostly phone tag. She called to
see if I’d heard from Mom (whom we couldn’t reach on Mother’s Day).
Mom works on the ferry, and we never know if she’s in town or not. But thankfully Mom called last night,
and was back in town. Gotta love
our family… I sure do miss my
sisters. It’s so very hard being
so far away from them. I didn’t
see them enough when we lived in Vancouver, but the option was always there, and
we made it work sometimes. Also,
being out here, we’re not on the “Mom” visit circuit.
Lol So, we missed her while
she was down south around my birthday.
I did my best to cover up my incredibly pissy mood last
night. I wanted Ryne to enjoy the
heck out of his day. He’d started
his birthday, after he’d gotten out of the shower.
I went downstairs to get him some baseball clothes, and I heard him
counting off jumping jacks. Yes,
I heard him do 30 naked jumping jacks.
That kid has energy like I’ve never seen. Funny, since he really is lazy in a lot
of ways :)
So, as I was trying to hold in all my pissy, grumpy thoughts last
night, I thought of a great SNL skit (well, at least I think it would be
funny). They should show a
wedding taking place, and when they’re going through the “do you take him in
sickness in health,” the preacher should just keep going with things like, will
you still love him, after you have to ask him to take out the garbage, which he
does, but then leaves the kitchen garbage lid on the floor, and doesn’t put a
new bag in? Will you promise to
love him, when his stinky ass towel has spent all day on the bed?
Etc. I would love to see
the look on Kristen Wiggs face, as you see her changing her mind. :) But hey, maybe that’s just me.
So, when I have these really stressful days, I like to
dream of my “going away” place. We
all have them. That place in our
minds that we like to dream about, as an escape. Mine, has always been a few days at a
nice hotel w/ blackout shades, a pool, hot tub, cont. breakfast (no cooking),
gym, and of course outdoor pool for laying out. I started to drift there last night,
but thought, what the hell, this is my fantasy. I’m going for a spa getaway. So, now when I start to dream of alone
time, it will be at one of those cool spas at Moab, or something like that. Where’s your alone
place?
Anyway, while Cal and I were driving (he was listening to his NOW
c.d.’s in the dvd player, with his headphones on, I was able to just get lost in
some music. For some reason, they
were playing a lot of Alanis yesterday.
You Learn is such a great
song. I love the way she doesn’t
talk about regret, it’s just, hey, what the hell, you live, you learn. I like that.
For someone who has such a guilty conscience, I really started to think,
I don’t have much guilt in this life.
Most of my guilt is related to Caleb having Autism (I could’ve done
things differently in my pregnancy, I’m sure), my miscarriages (esp. my first
one, still haunts me….even at the Cub game, I looked over at Ryne, and thought,
we could have a 19 year old standing here with us also, and I can almost
picture him). And I thought about
the guilt and regret over these things, and thought, there’s nothing I can do
about it now. Maybe one of these
days, I can honestly say I’ve forgiven myself for anything I may have had to do
with them. One of my closest
friends, very recently had a miscarriage at 10 weeks.
I think about her, and I pray that she’s not like
me (as we are similar ppl), and she doesn’t beat herself up like I do. She’s a good person, who did nothing to
cause it. It happens.
It happens in ¼ of pregnancies.
So, I know the rational to it all.
Hopefully it’ll help me on my own journey of forgiveness.
I’ve added the lyrics below.
It has one of my all-time favorite lines: Wear
it out, the way a 3 year old would do.
Oh, I almost forgot the best part.
I’m doing great on my eating today. I’m really bound and determined to get
this right.
6:30 Smoothie (water, flax seed, spinach, banana, blueberries),
can of Diet Coke (weaning myself off…esp. the Pepsi)
8:15 Banana (so I could take my meds, even this still eat at my
stomach)
11:30 Bowl of Cauliflower soup (see recipe), can of caffeine free Diet
Coke
12:15 Orange.
I recommend getting your heart trampled on to anyone
I recommend
walking around naked in your living room
Swallow it down (what a jagged
little pill)
It feels so good (swimming in your stomach)
Wait until the
dust settles
You live you learn
You love you learn
You cry you
learn
You lose you learn
You bleed you learn
You scream you learn
I recommend biting off more then you can chew to anyone
I certainly
do
I recommend sticking your foot in your mouth at any time
Feel free
Throw it down (the caution blocks you from the wind)
Hold it up (to the
rays)
You wait and see when the smoke clears
You live you learn
You
love you learn
You cry you learn
You lose you learn
You bleed you
learn
You scream you learn
Wear it out (the way a three-year-old would
do)
Melt it down (you're gonna have to eventually anyway)
The fire trucks
are coming up around the bend
You live you learn
You love you
learn
You cry you learn
You lose you learn
You bleed you learn
You
scream you learn
You grieve you learn
You choke you learn
You laugh
you learn
You choose you learn
You pray you learn
You ask you learn
You live you learn
came across a very sweet note that a close friend had sent me at my
birthday. And bam, light bulb goes
off in my head….yes; it still happens from time to time, that she sent me tulips
for my birthday this year. I made
a comment the other day that I hadn’t rec’d flowers in ages, but I’m a total
bonehead, with pretty much no memory.
So, I know you read this sometimes. I’m sorry I temporarily forget. But you know me, I can always blame it
on insanity ; )
Yesterday was quite the busy day.
Caleb had an appointment with his eye surgeon, just past Chicago. I’m really beginning to resent being in
a car so much. Anyway, as usual, it
was a very long appt., seeing two different Dr.’s.
And what do you know, it’s the same thing he’s told us now (after 4 trips
in the past 6-7 months): Caleb still has the strabismus in both eyes, but his
glasses do help a little. Let’s
wait on surgery. This time we will
go 6 mos. In between appt.’s (which is so much more reasonable), and then they
will dilate his eyes again and that whole 4 hour process.
So, the good news is, he doesn’t need surgery, the bad news is, we’re
just putting off the inevitable.
To me, I’d like him to have the surgery while he’s younger.
If his eyes don’t work right, it seems a bit counterproductive to his
o.t. now. But what the hell do I
know? So, Cal and I were out for
about 6 hours. When we got home,
it was a total rush to get Ryne’s birthday dinner started, run to the bank, and
then to the post office (to mail the Mother’s Day gifts I’d gotten Brian to send
to his family….but he never made it to the p.o., but that’s a different
issue). Then we were off to see
part of Ryne’s first baseball practice of the year.
Ryne really is excited to play.
Although, I totally could’ve crapped my pants, when they had the kids run
to the position they want to play, and Ryne ran out to Right Field?
WTF? He said later, that he
wanted to play 1st, but
there were already a few kids there.
He’s a lefty, so it’s really either first or the outfield.
But I told him, there’s no need to really “try out” for right field. Hopefully he tries for Center
tonight. It would be much
better (for
him action wise) 11 yo baseball, where kids can’t yet take it to the opposite
field.
Ryne really did have a nice birthday.
He enjoyed his birthday dinner (he wanted meatloaf, mashed potatoes,
Rhodes rolls, and pie). Thank God
for the “apple” pie, or he wouldn’t have consumed any fruits or veggies at
all. Haha.
He got calls from a lot of the family on both
sides.
The Brooker called last night.
It was so good to talk to her.
Our schedules are completely opposite, so it’s really hard for us to nail
down times to catch up. It’s
mostly phone tag. She called to
see if I’d heard from Mom (whom we couldn’t reach on Mother’s Day).
Mom works on the ferry, and we never know if she’s in town or not. But thankfully Mom called last night,
and was back in town. Gotta love
our family… I sure do miss my
sisters. It’s so very hard being
so far away from them. I didn’t
see them enough when we lived in Vancouver, but the option was always there, and
we made it work sometimes. Also,
being out here, we’re not on the “Mom” visit circuit.
Lol So, we missed her while
she was down south around my birthday.
I did my best to cover up my incredibly pissy mood last
night. I wanted Ryne to enjoy the
heck out of his day. He’d started
his birthday, after he’d gotten out of the shower.
I went downstairs to get him some baseball clothes, and I heard him
counting off jumping jacks. Yes,
I heard him do 30 naked jumping jacks.
That kid has energy like I’ve never seen. Funny, since he really is lazy in a lot
of ways :)
So, as I was trying to hold in all my pissy, grumpy thoughts last
night, I thought of a great SNL skit (well, at least I think it would be
funny). They should show a
wedding taking place, and when they’re going through the “do you take him in
sickness in health,” the preacher should just keep going with things like, will
you still love him, after you have to ask him to take out the garbage, which he
does, but then leaves the kitchen garbage lid on the floor, and doesn’t put a
new bag in? Will you promise to
love him, when his stinky ass towel has spent all day on the bed?
Etc. I would love to see
the look on Kristen Wiggs face, as you see her changing her mind. :) But hey, maybe that’s just me.
So, when I have these really stressful days, I like to
dream of my “going away” place. We
all have them. That place in our
minds that we like to dream about, as an escape. Mine, has always been a few days at a
nice hotel w/ blackout shades, a pool, hot tub, cont. breakfast (no cooking),
gym, and of course outdoor pool for laying out. I started to drift there last night,
but thought, what the hell, this is my fantasy. I’m going for a spa getaway. So, now when I start to dream of alone
time, it will be at one of those cool spas at Moab, or something like that. Where’s your alone
place?
Anyway, while Cal and I were driving (he was listening to his NOW
c.d.’s in the dvd player, with his headphones on, I was able to just get lost in
some music. For some reason, they
were playing a lot of Alanis yesterday.
You Learn is such a great
song. I love the way she doesn’t
talk about regret, it’s just, hey, what the hell, you live, you learn. I like that.
For someone who has such a guilty conscience, I really started to think,
I don’t have much guilt in this life.
Most of my guilt is related to Caleb having Autism (I could’ve done
things differently in my pregnancy, I’m sure), my miscarriages (esp. my first
one, still haunts me….even at the Cub game, I looked over at Ryne, and thought,
we could have a 19 year old standing here with us also, and I can almost
picture him). And I thought about
the guilt and regret over these things, and thought, there’s nothing I can do
about it now. Maybe one of these
days, I can honestly say I’ve forgiven myself for anything I may have had to do
with them. One of my closest
friends, very recently had a miscarriage at 10 weeks.
I think about her, and I pray that she’s not like
me (as we are similar ppl), and she doesn’t beat herself up like I do. She’s a good person, who did nothing to
cause it. It happens.
It happens in ¼ of pregnancies.
So, I know the rational to it all.
Hopefully it’ll help me on my own journey of forgiveness.
I’ve added the lyrics below.
It has one of my all-time favorite lines: Wear
it out, the way a 3 year old would do.
Oh, I almost forgot the best part.
I’m doing great on my eating today. I’m really bound and determined to get
this right.
6:30 Smoothie (water, flax seed, spinach, banana, blueberries),
can of Diet Coke (weaning myself off…esp. the Pepsi)
8:15 Banana (so I could take my meds, even this still eat at my
stomach)
11:30 Bowl of Cauliflower soup (see recipe), can of caffeine free Diet
Coke
12:15 Orange.
I recommend getting your heart trampled on to anyone
I recommend
walking around naked in your living room
Swallow it down (what a jagged
little pill)
It feels so good (swimming in your stomach)
Wait until the
dust settles
You live you learn
You love you learn
You cry you
learn
You lose you learn
You bleed you learn
You scream you learn
I recommend biting off more then you can chew to anyone
I certainly
do
I recommend sticking your foot in your mouth at any time
Feel free
Throw it down (the caution blocks you from the wind)
Hold it up (to the
rays)
You wait and see when the smoke clears
You live you learn
You
love you learn
You cry you learn
You lose you learn
You bleed you
learn
You scream you learn
Wear it out (the way a three-year-old would
do)
Melt it down (you're gonna have to eventually anyway)
The fire trucks
are coming up around the bend
You live you learn
You love you
learn
You cry you learn
You lose you learn
You bleed you learn
You
scream you learn
You grieve you learn
You choke you learn
You laugh
you learn
You choose you learn
You pray you learn
You ask you learn
You live you learn
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