Today has been a tough, tough day.... It's so surreal that this is the end of my thirties. Really, the end of my "youth." I've had so much anxiety today. More than I've had in a while. I know it's just a number....it doesn't really mean anything, but I've always had an obsession with age. To be honest, I never thought I'd make it to h.s. graduation, then thought I'd never live to 21, and then that something would happen to me before I got married. I know it all ties back to losing a good friend at a very young age. It was all too close. Too close to thinking I could've been there....too close to knowing what death was when I should've been way too young to have any idea what it was. So, I guess with each year, also comes a little guilt. There's nothing I could've done to save her, but I feel like because I could've been there, and wasn't, and that I should've done more with my life. I know, it sounds dumb. But it's something that I've tried to let go of (Lord knows through enough time in therapy), but it'll always be with me. I guess, moving forward, I'll just continue to be the best person I can be. I need to take care of my body, and not take this great life for granted. Hopefully 40...will be a wake up call for me, because I know, in a way, that I'm still asleep.
I was really, really wanting to get to the gym today, but it's not going to happen. It's 7 now, and Brian has no idea when he'll be home. A bad day to work late (the kids were off from school today, b/c of President's Day). I'll force my fat ass to get on the treadmill here, soon. At least make myself do something.... Hopefully put me in a better frame of mind. btw. I've been way fucking hungry all day. It's not going away. I think it's the stress, but I want to eat everything....and by that I mean everything bad for me. So far, so good, though.
Hope you all have a good night.
Jen
Food:
8:15 Smoothie (water, kale, flax seed, banana, blueberries) I don't know if I put too much kale in there, or what...I usually do use quite a bit, but today's smoothie had a very strong kale taste. Not good.
12:30 Small bowl of cauliflower soup (see recipe), and a butt load of roasted cauliflower and brussel sprouts
1:00 Herbal Mint tea
3:00 Some pistachios
4:00 Square of dark chocolate
6:00 Salad (spinach, spring mix, lite honey mustard), edamame, and a baked potato, w/ 1 tsp of Smart Balance Light, soda water
Exercise:
2 miles on the treadmill (300 cals)
I was really, really wanting to get to the gym today, but it's not going to happen. It's 7 now, and Brian has no idea when he'll be home. A bad day to work late (the kids were off from school today, b/c of President's Day). I'll force my fat ass to get on the treadmill here, soon. At least make myself do something.... Hopefully put me in a better frame of mind. btw. I've been way fucking hungry all day. It's not going away. I think it's the stress, but I want to eat everything....and by that I mean everything bad for me. So far, so good, though.
Hope you all have a good night.
Jen
Food:
8:15 Smoothie (water, kale, flax seed, banana, blueberries) I don't know if I put too much kale in there, or what...I usually do use quite a bit, but today's smoothie had a very strong kale taste. Not good.
12:30 Small bowl of cauliflower soup (see recipe), and a butt load of roasted cauliflower and brussel sprouts
1:00 Herbal Mint tea
3:00 Some pistachios
4:00 Square of dark chocolate
6:00 Salad (spinach, spring mix, lite honey mustard), edamame, and a baked potato, w/ 1 tsp of Smart Balance Light, soda water
Exercise:
2 miles on the treadmill (300 cals)
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