The writing itch is coming back with a vengeance. I was hoping like hell it would. I've got to get back to the book. I'm going to have to start scheduling time for it like I used to. As for the blog, writing here floats through my head every single day. It's just always a fine balance: the time, the way to put my crazy thoughts into sentences, the motivation, how much to tell. Really, just way too many things to think about for some silly little blog. But as silly as it is, it's still good for me, for my soul.
I've written many times about the hell of my hormones when it comes to my cycle (see, clearly there isn't much of a "how much to tell" barrier there). Three months ago, I started the pill. I hadn't been on the pill in years, and it was a hard decision to make. For a fatty, who puts any unhealthy food into her body, I'm weird about taking any sort of pill. As a whole, I honestly don't believe in most of them. As terrible as I am to my body, I still think that most things can be treated through diet. I need to listen to myself one of these days... But even when I've had great a diet, my hormones have totally fucked me, especially this last year or so. The pill I take, only has you menstruate every three months. I'm now 4 doses into the sugar pill, and my body has been a mess the past week. My hormones have been totally out of whack once again. Even though I've still had some issues over the past three months, it's nothing like pre-pill or now. My head has been spinning. Admittedly, it's been in a pretty dark place. I've worked hard on keeping it at bay, but I haven't been too successful. Yesterday, it all came crashing down. It started as soon as I woke up, the drive in, all day at work, and it caught up with me last night. When I'm going through it, I know where it's coming from. I know a lot of it isn't real, but it still grabs hold of me tight. Thank God for the bff. After years of being on this ride with me, she knows what to say, even knowing it won't stop it. It's oddly comforting, though. Today has been much better, although still a struggle. My body still isn't doing what it's supposed to do this week. It starts, then stops. One day, hopefully it will get acclimated to this pill, but it's not there yet. Even through it all, I have to say, it's better than when I started. If I can say this in the midst of it, you know it's the real deal.
Tonight, I'm treating myself to a nice glass of wine. I was able to open this bottle without incident. The bottle I opened a few days ago....well, it's the the stuff memes are made of. It was a gift, so I wasn't used to the bottle. The foil was exceptionally thick, so I looked to make sure it wasn't a twist off. It didn't appear to be, so I took the Rabbit to it (Ladies, not a vibrator...it's the name of the wine opener I have). The corkscrew couldn't penetrate it (again, get your mind out of the gutter), so I tried to twist it off. You guessed it, yours truly is a true moron. But the happy ending (again, geez...mind out of the gutter) is that it did open. But tonight, I went to something I knew, and am now enjoying a sweet glass of grapes. It was also nice to make dinner. I've actually been able to do it every night this week. The boys (and us) have a couple week reprieve from any sort of games. Ryne has had evening football camp, so I couldn't start the wine until after 8. I'm not always mother of the year, but I'm certainly not going to start it before I pick him up. The tragedy is, he has no idea the sacrifices I make for him. Haha! I've been spending the evening thinking just happy thoughts. This is an exercise that was down right impossible last night, but I'm thrilled it's an option tonight. My heart is happy as I think of someone I love very much, who is pregnant and I'm thrilled beyond anything. My heart is happy thinking of my friend who just had major surgery and is recovering well. Although I wish he would slow down...I really wish he would. My heart is happy thinking about the "favorite part of the day" conversation with my work friends today, and the nice things that have happened to each of them today. My heart is happy thinking about going to look at the stars tonight. They have been breathtaking all week. So, on a day, a week, that has kind of broken me...I have so many thing to be grateful for. I will tell you the one thing I am not super happy about though, the new Ghostbusters movie. I really wanted to love it, but holy shit was it bad. If you take anything away from this blog, I hope it's that movie review. I'd love my $12.50 back, that's fo' sho'.
Enjoy those stars tonight (although I now hear thunder...shit). Hopefully, it's clear wherever you are.
~Jen
I've written many times about the hell of my hormones when it comes to my cycle (see, clearly there isn't much of a "how much to tell" barrier there). Three months ago, I started the pill. I hadn't been on the pill in years, and it was a hard decision to make. For a fatty, who puts any unhealthy food into her body, I'm weird about taking any sort of pill. As a whole, I honestly don't believe in most of them. As terrible as I am to my body, I still think that most things can be treated through diet. I need to listen to myself one of these days... But even when I've had great a diet, my hormones have totally fucked me, especially this last year or so. The pill I take, only has you menstruate every three months. I'm now 4 doses into the sugar pill, and my body has been a mess the past week. My hormones have been totally out of whack once again. Even though I've still had some issues over the past three months, it's nothing like pre-pill or now. My head has been spinning. Admittedly, it's been in a pretty dark place. I've worked hard on keeping it at bay, but I haven't been too successful. Yesterday, it all came crashing down. It started as soon as I woke up, the drive in, all day at work, and it caught up with me last night. When I'm going through it, I know where it's coming from. I know a lot of it isn't real, but it still grabs hold of me tight. Thank God for the bff. After years of being on this ride with me, she knows what to say, even knowing it won't stop it. It's oddly comforting, though. Today has been much better, although still a struggle. My body still isn't doing what it's supposed to do this week. It starts, then stops. One day, hopefully it will get acclimated to this pill, but it's not there yet. Even through it all, I have to say, it's better than when I started. If I can say this in the midst of it, you know it's the real deal.
Tonight, I'm treating myself to a nice glass of wine. I was able to open this bottle without incident. The bottle I opened a few days ago....well, it's the the stuff memes are made of. It was a gift, so I wasn't used to the bottle. The foil was exceptionally thick, so I looked to make sure it wasn't a twist off. It didn't appear to be, so I took the Rabbit to it (Ladies, not a vibrator...it's the name of the wine opener I have). The corkscrew couldn't penetrate it (again, get your mind out of the gutter), so I tried to twist it off. You guessed it, yours truly is a true moron. But the happy ending (again, geez...mind out of the gutter) is that it did open. But tonight, I went to something I knew, and am now enjoying a sweet glass of grapes. It was also nice to make dinner. I've actually been able to do it every night this week. The boys (and us) have a couple week reprieve from any sort of games. Ryne has had evening football camp, so I couldn't start the wine until after 8. I'm not always mother of the year, but I'm certainly not going to start it before I pick him up. The tragedy is, he has no idea the sacrifices I make for him. Haha! I've been spending the evening thinking just happy thoughts. This is an exercise that was down right impossible last night, but I'm thrilled it's an option tonight. My heart is happy as I think of someone I love very much, who is pregnant and I'm thrilled beyond anything. My heart is happy thinking of my friend who just had major surgery and is recovering well. Although I wish he would slow down...I really wish he would. My heart is happy thinking about the "favorite part of the day" conversation with my work friends today, and the nice things that have happened to each of them today. My heart is happy thinking about going to look at the stars tonight. They have been breathtaking all week. So, on a day, a week, that has kind of broken me...I have so many thing to be grateful for. I will tell you the one thing I am not super happy about though, the new Ghostbusters movie. I really wanted to love it, but holy shit was it bad. If you take anything away from this blog, I hope it's that movie review. I'd love my $12.50 back, that's fo' sho'.
Enjoy those stars tonight (although I now hear thunder...shit). Hopefully, it's clear wherever you are.
~Jen
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