Short timers? No, not me! Well, okay, you caught me. I’m at work, and I’m doing this blog. But hey, I’ve put in a lot of an honest day’s work, went to Chinese with 2 coworkers (btw, we now have a fortune cookie competition going until I’m gone), and I leave in an hour for a mammogram. Sounds like a good day’s work to me ;) It’s funny…I’m leaving just as my job is becoming more manageable. But I do know the fact that I’m leaving allows me to sweat the big stuff a lot less than before. I’ve felt so beaten down in my position, for so long, it’s really nice to see the genuine concern about my leaving. Today
they talked to me about the possibility of a contract position for a bit after
I’m gone. I’ve heard some great words of praise, and it’s helping with my complete lack of confidence as far as being a professional is concerned. I only wish things could have been this positive long ago.
I’ve got to tell you, I really do love our dog, Jesse. She is the sweetest thing.
As far as being puppyish, she isn’t completely crazed. She rarely barks, and now just sits there with her tail a thumping while she waits for me to put the leash on her. I don’t think she’d ever been on a leash, before we got her.
She’s come a long way. So far, in fact, I let Cal hold the leash sometimes.
Last week, Cal and I took Jesse out for an early morning stroll. We were at the very end of our walk, when Jesse broke free of the leash and killed a bird in our neighbor’s yard. I’ve never been so horrified in my life. I was completely
freaking out. Once Cal figured out, he wasn’t to blame for letting her get away; he was completely fine with it all… Autism or a boy thing? Who knows? It still haunts me. We’ve also found a dead bird in our back yard, and I doubt it died of natural causes. So, she’s a hunter. I guess she is a beagle/lab mix. Anyway, she’s also still a big time chewer. It’s gotten better, but you’re screwed if you leave your shoes out or anything. Yesterday, while Brian was home, Jesse got into something (went right through it), and ended up w/ a valium prescription bottle. Brian could only find 3 pills, which means she could’ve very well eaten
10 or so. We were freaking out. We got advice by the pet poison control line, to induce vomiting. Oh, she was not happy, I guess. But it worked, and Brian couldn’t find the pills in there. So, who knows… Maybe we got them out of her quick enough, and they are so small he couldn’t find them, or she never ate the pills (my guess). Scared the absolute shit out of us, though. I love the heck out of that dog, but there is still a lot of work to be done!
Well, the nerves of the move have finally caught up with me. I mean…REALLY caught up with me. I’m officially in freak out mode. I can’t let Brian know how bad I’m second guessing, etc. right now, because he’ll just say, let’s stay. I know he wants this job out there. In the end, it’s probably the right move. I just keep telling myself that, anyway. H.P. tried to help talk me off the ledge last night, but ugh…I just want to jump. Haha. Too much all at once. We
still need to find a place to live out there, set up the move, finish packing, finish up appts for the kids, keep the dog alive, etc. You know, real live grown up stuff. The one thing I keep thinking is, that once we get out there, my JOB will be to take care of myself. I need to take it seriously, and tackle it like I’m getting paid for it. Which of course, I would be, in the best way possible…my health. I feel crappy all the time, and my knees are killing me. I’ve never had my weight affect me this badly before. It’s horrible. I really do feel like one of those BL contestants. I find myself thinking about them a lot lately….
I’m back on P!nk kick! So, in lieu of all my self-induced chaos these days, I’ll leave you with the lyrics to Chaos & Piss, again.
Hope you all are having a fantastic day.
Much Love,
Jen
"Chaos & Piss"
I
thought that you were driving, but you've given me the wheel
There's rain
clouds out there, that you don't wanna feel
Your anger's like a razor blade,
it's just too bloody real
I thought that you would be here, no I just don't
get it
Hey I also feel things more than I should
I don't relax very
often, as often as I could
I worry how the whole thing looks, it doesn't
look good
But I thought that you would be here, no I just don't get it
And being clear gets too much for me, just like it does for you
Even though
I want to, I want to, I don't
I don't feel like calming down, no I
don't
I don't feel like hiding out, so I won't
I can't turn the volume
down, so I sit here in this
Chaos and piss, watching the storm passing
Storms are beautiful, right here it's beautiful
I came all this way to
be with you, and you're already gone
If I was a good friend, I could write
this wrong
I'd kick away your crutches, make you walk on your own
I
really thought you'd be here, I just don't get it
Though it looks warm in
the rabbit hole, I could go down with you
Even though I want to, I want to,
I won't
I don't feel like calming down, no I don't
I don't feel like
hiding out, so I won't
I can't turn the volume down, so I sit here in
this
Chaos and piss, watching the storm passing
It's beautiful
I'm a willow tree, you can't blow me over
And my roots go deep in anger
I wanna feel the wind as it whips me like a prisoner
I wanna be here
I wanna be here
No I don't feel like calming down, no I don't
I don't
feel like hiding out, so I won't
I can't turn the volume down, so I sit here
in this
Chaos and piss, watching the storm passing
Storms are beautiful,
this life is beautiful
It is
they talked to me about the possibility of a contract position for a bit after
I’m gone. I’ve heard some great words of praise, and it’s helping with my complete lack of confidence as far as being a professional is concerned. I only wish things could have been this positive long ago.
I’ve got to tell you, I really do love our dog, Jesse. She is the sweetest thing.
As far as being puppyish, she isn’t completely crazed. She rarely barks, and now just sits there with her tail a thumping while she waits for me to put the leash on her. I don’t think she’d ever been on a leash, before we got her.
She’s come a long way. So far, in fact, I let Cal hold the leash sometimes.
Last week, Cal and I took Jesse out for an early morning stroll. We were at the very end of our walk, when Jesse broke free of the leash and killed a bird in our neighbor’s yard. I’ve never been so horrified in my life. I was completely
freaking out. Once Cal figured out, he wasn’t to blame for letting her get away; he was completely fine with it all… Autism or a boy thing? Who knows? It still haunts me. We’ve also found a dead bird in our back yard, and I doubt it died of natural causes. So, she’s a hunter. I guess she is a beagle/lab mix. Anyway, she’s also still a big time chewer. It’s gotten better, but you’re screwed if you leave your shoes out or anything. Yesterday, while Brian was home, Jesse got into something (went right through it), and ended up w/ a valium prescription bottle. Brian could only find 3 pills, which means she could’ve very well eaten
10 or so. We were freaking out. We got advice by the pet poison control line, to induce vomiting. Oh, she was not happy, I guess. But it worked, and Brian couldn’t find the pills in there. So, who knows… Maybe we got them out of her quick enough, and they are so small he couldn’t find them, or she never ate the pills (my guess). Scared the absolute shit out of us, though. I love the heck out of that dog, but there is still a lot of work to be done!
Well, the nerves of the move have finally caught up with me. I mean…REALLY caught up with me. I’m officially in freak out mode. I can’t let Brian know how bad I’m second guessing, etc. right now, because he’ll just say, let’s stay. I know he wants this job out there. In the end, it’s probably the right move. I just keep telling myself that, anyway. H.P. tried to help talk me off the ledge last night, but ugh…I just want to jump. Haha. Too much all at once. We
still need to find a place to live out there, set up the move, finish packing, finish up appts for the kids, keep the dog alive, etc. You know, real live grown up stuff. The one thing I keep thinking is, that once we get out there, my JOB will be to take care of myself. I need to take it seriously, and tackle it like I’m getting paid for it. Which of course, I would be, in the best way possible…my health. I feel crappy all the time, and my knees are killing me. I’ve never had my weight affect me this badly before. It’s horrible. I really do feel like one of those BL contestants. I find myself thinking about them a lot lately….
I’m back on P!nk kick! So, in lieu of all my self-induced chaos these days, I’ll leave you with the lyrics to Chaos & Piss, again.
Hope you all are having a fantastic day.
Much Love,
Jen
"Chaos & Piss"
I
thought that you were driving, but you've given me the wheel
There's rain
clouds out there, that you don't wanna feel
Your anger's like a razor blade,
it's just too bloody real
I thought that you would be here, no I just don't
get it
Hey I also feel things more than I should
I don't relax very
often, as often as I could
I worry how the whole thing looks, it doesn't
look good
But I thought that you would be here, no I just don't get it
And being clear gets too much for me, just like it does for you
Even though
I want to, I want to, I don't
I don't feel like calming down, no I
don't
I don't feel like hiding out, so I won't
I can't turn the volume
down, so I sit here in this
Chaos and piss, watching the storm passing
Storms are beautiful, right here it's beautiful
I came all this way to
be with you, and you're already gone
If I was a good friend, I could write
this wrong
I'd kick away your crutches, make you walk on your own
I
really thought you'd be here, I just don't get it
Though it looks warm in
the rabbit hole, I could go down with you
Even though I want to, I want to,
I won't
I don't feel like calming down, no I don't
I don't feel like
hiding out, so I won't
I can't turn the volume down, so I sit here in
this
Chaos and piss, watching the storm passing
It's beautiful
I'm a willow tree, you can't blow me over
And my roots go deep in anger
I wanna feel the wind as it whips me like a prisoner
I wanna be here
I wanna be here
No I don't feel like calming down, no I don't
I don't
feel like hiding out, so I won't
I can't turn the volume down, so I sit here
in this
Chaos and piss, watching the storm passing
Storms are beautiful,
this life is beautiful
It is
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