
I remember the summer of my freshman year, when I lived in Ketchikan, and
we were at some party. There was this girl there that was quite dramatic, and trying to stir stuff up with me and some of my friends. I’ll never forget…(it was the only time I said the word for another 25 years or so), but I walked up to her, and she was talking with someone else. She said, hi to me, and asked how I was doing. I asked her why she was such a cunt? Oh yeah….I did it…. I mean, if you’re going to feel that way about someone, probably best to say it to their face and not behind their back? I did feel a little bad when I saw the look on her face. But I just walked away. We never had words again. But really, that’s my only good story of letting out what I’m feeling (other than the occasional blow up with Brian, and those are never pretty on either of our sides). Now, I know not everyone is a yeller. And thank God, because I probably couldn’t be friends with someone that yelled at me (well, actually I could if they were one of my closest friends). But I despise confrontation in the worst way. That’s part of what eats at me sometimes. With a mind that never stops, there’s
of course always something there that I really want to say, but I don’t. I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings, or I don’t want to make myself sound like the needy douche I am, or any number of feelings. Brian and I are trying to get better with the communication, though. We are finally growing up in that
way. I think our last fight, where we brought up years’ worth of stuff was a wakeup call for us. We work harder on it. My friend Amy and I also work harder on communication, too. We are so similar in that we never want confrontation that we will sometimes let things build, too. But we work on it, as if we’re an old married couple, too. So, hopefully I won’t go “Carrie” on either Brian or Amy today. Maybe I should do it to H.P. or Tammi. That would probably be fun. They’d probably tell me to shut the fuck up and change my tampon. Lol And they’d be right in telling me so!
I know this changes direction a bit, but all morning here at works it’s been all talk about football. How about those amaze balls Seahawks! Whoot Whoot!
Of course, I was the only one out here to pick them to win. Everyone in the Midwest just thinks of them as a shitty team. But you and I know, if anyone plays their ass off at home, it’s those Seahawks and the 12th Man. I love seeing all of the pictures from my friends that go to the home games. Anyway, I need Denver to win tonight, so I can win the pool. My man Peyton needs to have a helluva a game. And BTW, there is nothing sexier to me than a quarterback walking the field before the game. You know when they’re just in their shorts and usually sleeveless shirts (except for Tebow, looks too gay for me).
On my way into work, of course I was listening to the new Pink c.d., because I’m so obsessed (btw, still only listened to the No Doubt c.d. once. Really need to let it grow on me). Today’s song is, Beam Me Up. Even in my cranky mood driving in, this song was able to soften me a bit. I know it’s about her love for Carey, as she’s saying she can see his babies. I love that part. Ever since I met Brian, that’s how I always felt about him. I thought, and still do think, that it was God’s plan for me to have his children. Anyway, when I hear the song, I think of it as getting beamed to Heaven. It makes me think of the people that I miss most. I picture holding my Grandmother’s younger face in my hands and looking into her beautiful eyes. I picture seeing Pat Colton and hugging him so hard that he knows exactly how much I miss him. I also think about Pat when I
hear that part about the babies. He died too young. It kills me that he died before he was able to marry and have his own family. He would’ve been such a good husband and dad. He sure was an awesome friend. I know there are many of us who think about him all the time. Anyway, I think it’s a beautiful song. Oh….haha. Just read the lyrics and it’s “baby blues.” Haha. Not babies. I had the lyric wrong, but I’ll stick with mine.
Well, I’d better go change my tampon, along with my bed mattress (also sporting an overnight pad, because I’m going right through those damn tampons….
~Jen
There's a
whole n'other conversation going on
In a parallel universe
Where nothing
breaks and nothing hurts
There's a waltz playing frozen in time
Blades of
grass on tiny bare feet
I look at you and you're looking at me
Could
you beam me up,
Give me a minute, I don't know what I'd say in it
Probably just stare, happy just to be there holding your face
Beam me up,
Let me be lighter, tired of being a fighter,
I think, a minutes enough,
Just beam me up.
Some black birds soaring in the sky,
Barely a
breath like our one last say
Tell me that was you, saying goodbye,
There
are times I feel the shiver and cold,
It only happens when I'm on my own,
I tell ya, tell me, I'm not alone
[ Lyrics from:
http://www.lyricsfreak.com/p/pink/beam+me+up_21030547.html
]
Could you beam me up,
Give me a minute, I don't know what I'd
say in it
I'd Probably just stare, happy just to be there, holding your
face
Beam me up,
Let me be lighter, tired of being a fighter,
I
think, a minutes enough,
Just beam me up.
In my head, I see your baby
blues
I hear your voice and I, I break in two and now there's
One of me,
with you
So when I need you can I send you a sign
I'll burn a candle
and turn off the lights
I'll pick a star and watch you shine
Just beam
me up,
Give me a minute, I don't know what I'd say in it
Probably just
stare, happy just to be there, holding your face
Beam me up,
Let me be
lighter, tired of being a fighter,
I think, a minutes enough,
Beam me
up
Beam me up
Beam me up
Could you beam me up