I weighed in today at the clinic for the first time in 5 weeks. There were scheduling conflicts with my every other week weigh-in, and before I knew it: 5 weeks had passed. I won't say I'm sorry about it. There were some real struggles over those weeks. I hit the biggest wall, I had seen since October. I have had a tough time finding that inner motivation that has fueled me for so many months. Anxiety swallowed me whole for a short time. It's hard to care about what you're eating, when you feel completely out of control. Still, I never lost absolute sight of where I want to be. The weekdays continue to be the most difficult for me. My drive for 10k steps a day has been inconsistent during the week. Thankfully, I have been killing it, as far as physical activity on the weekends. Even though my activity level hasn't been on par all of the time, it's really my food choices that have been my biggest setback. I have made some really lazy choices. I used to really plan where I would use my calories. I would often use them for dinner and wine with a friend. Now, I spread them around, making excuses in my head over and over again. I'm glad to say, I have started to get some of that control back. Even though five weeks had passed, I was only down 3 pounds. I am disappointed in myself. I could've used that time to take 10 off and be that much closer to my goal. As it is, I have still have 23 to go....
A couple of weeks ago, I hiked 5 miles in the morning (I normally do 5-7 every Sat and Sun), and then Brian and I kayaked 12 miles in the afternoon. Let me tell you....I had nothing left in me by the time we got home. As drained as I was, I was ecstatic at the realization that it was the most exercise I had done in one day in 24 years. As banged up as my body is, I do believe I am in better shape than I have been in a very long time. It's a different kind of shape....though. I feel like a complete failure during the workout class I take, compared to others. At the same time, I have a stamina and energy that has been lost for a very long time.
As great as I feel about pushing my body lately, I understand I'm not as far along as I could be....again, due to my diet choices. The sad thing is, you really can't outwork a bad diet. I think of how many calories I burned that day hiking and kayaking, but that can easily be undone by one really bad meal. I remember seeing Jillian Michaels post about spending an hour and a half on a treadmill to burn off the ice cream cone she had eaten. Seriously....an ice cream cone takes like five minutes to eat but an hour and a half to work off. They say weight loss is 80-90% diet, and I totally believe it. I'm grateful for the working out and how it helps to keep me on the straight and narrow. I don't want it all to be wasted. Anyway, I just wanted to put that bug in your ear. People often think they can't go on a weight loss journey, because they don't have time for exercise. Nonsense. It all starts with the choices we make when it comes to what we put in our mouth. I need to remember this all the time as well. Is this worth it? should always enter our minds when considering eating something we know isn't good for us. You know what? Sometimes it is worth it :) We just need to be aware. Alright, I'm off my soap box (to myself). Feel free to roll your eyes at me.
Driving into work this morning, I heard Glycerine for like the millionth time. It's funny how it can take that many listens before we actually hear a lyric. I'm never alone. I'm alone all the time jumped out at me. I hate to promote the guy that cheated on Gwen, but damn Gavin can sing a song.
Happy Hump Day all. Make the most of your night.