This week has been much better than the previous weeks. I'm less sore, and the mind is finally less cloudy. Hey, I've even stuck to my normal hair hschedule. I've been lucky enough to spend a lot of time with Brian (when he was off) and different friends. Getting out of the house is huge, and thankfully, I've felt less like a freak show when in public. I'm quite a ways from 100%, but in these last couple of weeks I have had a few 9,000+ step days. Funny enough, pre-surgery, I thought I'd be hitting 10k steps a day in week 2. Ha…so naïve in so many ways… I've even had to adjust my thinking for when this brace comes off (hopefully Wednesday!). My body is forcing me to listen, and I am. I will say that I'm stoked to hike, though. They will be shorter hikes than I'm used to, and the thought of a challenging hike is overwhelming…but it is so close - I can smell it. Sitting at home, honestly sometimes my skin crawls…like I can actually feel it crawling. It makes me nuts. I have to remember that feeling when I'm 100% and want to be lazy.
I made a CD for a friend's birthday. Yes, this shows my age, and I could give a shit. I hadn't made a CD in quite some time. I wish it were as easy as it sounds - but son of a bitch if iTunes doesn't always throw some wrenches in there, and I had to do something to my computer just to make it work. From there, I was inspired. I made some CDs for another friend. It brings me happiness to make something that I know someone will enjoy, and she always does. While burning her CDs, iTunes again threw in a wrench, and it would burn the wrong playlists. Thank God for a new fangled thing called Google, so I could find a way around it (and for enough time on my hands that I had the patience to do so). I worked on finding the joy this past week. I was glad to be in a place where I could do so. I knew how important it was for my own mental wellness. Doing things that brought me peace and happiness, became my mission for the week. I'm grateful it has helped in a lot of ways.
I have the normal nerves I think most people would have about my appointment with the surgeon next week. I know the surgery has helped in a lot of ways, and I am stoked about that, knowing things will only continue to improve. The thing is…my neck still does not turn - less than before the surgery. I found this by accident while driving. Then, I tested it yesterday. I know I'm not supposed to yet, but I truly feel I'm at a point where it was okay to try that once. It may just be that the muscles are tight or weak from being in the brace 99% of the time for the past 5 weeks, and I pray that's it. It has to be.
I had a lot of anxiety about the posts I've done since the surgery. I know they have been raw, but that is the place I've been in. I especially second guessed the last post. Trust me in, nobody wants to write things like that. It's not an attention I seek. Yet, you have validated why I write like I do. I don't want anyone to feel like they are alone - because they/you are not. The honesty I've felt/heard from some of you this week, has truly touched me. Touched me, because you trust me with the things you had chosen to keep inside. It is so important to let those things out. That's what this blog does for me. I often write about the things I don't talk about with anyone. This is my way to let it out. We all need a way to let it out. It is critical for our self-care.
We all have our obstacles, our goals, and winding roads we are trying to navigate. I've been thinking a lot of about this and really, truly how lucky I am that my obstacles are so minor in the grand scheme of things. I honestly believe I will end up recovered from nearly all of these current issues. I'm blessed beyond measure. My Uncle Chris lived his whole life with cerebral palsy. He always gave life his all, and did things people never thought he'd be able to. Uncle Chris had a real spunk about him. He passed away, unexpectedly, at the end of last week. Since his passing, I have this video in my head, of him running, and talking with ease - of him laughing with my Grandma Mona and Aunt May. Uncle Chris is finally able to do the things we take for granted every day (I'm so very guilty of this). I can't wait to one day play Go Fish again with him, and I know, we will both still cheat and laugh our asses off about it. Please go out and live your life to the fullest today, no matter what that means for you. We owe it to ourselves, and the many people we love, who have lost the privileges we are so very blessed with.
I will leave you with a song by an artist that a friend recently insisted I listen to - and she was right - this gal is phenomenal. I love the lyrics to this song.