Better Day

Thank God yesterday is gone.  What a horrible day.  I haven't had a day like that in forever.  It's one of those days when I just couldn't quit crying.  That's really unusual for me.  But fuck, it was tough.  Everything kinda came toppling down on me.  There was an issue with Brian, Ryne problems, stress about job situation, hurt feelings, problems with this house, landlord, etc.  It all caught up to me.  But I woke up feeling much better today.  My period is just around the corner, so I'm sure that fucking thing has something to do with it.   The horribleness of the day did give me time to think and perspective.  Without revealing what was upsetting me, I did reach out to a friend, and boy was she there.  I'm not going to say who it was, but Asha you rock!  haha.  Anyway, I finally drugged myself as we had to go to a friend's house for dinner.  I didn't want to be crying at the dinner table.  When we were there, a good friend text me, and I didn't want to be rude so didn't respond.  A while later she text again, and ended with, "I love you more than family."  Trust me, it was just what I needed to hear in my depths of sadness.  I do thank God for the people in my life.  I really wish I would allow myself to be closer to people.  But as time goes on, I definitely find myself pulling away from people.  I know this, but I can't seem to make it stop...  I guess it's self protection.  I just hope I can find a way not to let the tiny bit of negative in my life outweigh the many, many great things.

So, again, today is a new day.  I got my walk in this morning.  I've had a smoothie.  I'm not crying.  It's already WAY better than yesterday.  I do have errands to run and cleaning to do.  And I'll wear a smile where I can ;)

I know it's Monday, but hopefully you all are having a fantastic day.  May you find yourself smiling, even without knowing why.

~Jen

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