was dreaming about having some relaxing morning time. Sleep still has been a struggle, and I just wanted to snuggle up back in my warm bed for a while. I was walking through the downstairs hall, when I felt a drip on my head. "Oh shiiiittttt," I thought. I looked up, and the ceiling was soaked with a large crack in it. I figured it was the shower, given how much damage had been done without us noticing anything. I came upstairs to find that it was wet behind the toilet. It wasn't real wet, but wet enough to know that it was more than just any
of the three boys missing the toilet (which is standard practice around here). Yes, I had toilet water....(hopefully only water drip on my head). From there, I started putting some towels down, tightened it up, and got to cleaning the bathroom, since I knew someone would be working in there. The bathrooms are Brian's job, but he worked a lot of hours this week, so I didn't jump his shit for not doing them this weekend. Yep, I can be a kind wife at times. I just don't feel that the only woman in the house, should clean the disgusting toilets.
So, when we moved into this house, Brian agreed to the duties. I also did some other cleaning, before soaking myself in the tub. I knew I needed to be good and clean. I'd had kind of a stressful Sunday, so I needed to treat myself to a little quiet time. I got my legs shaved and everything. That always seems to
make me feel good. Of course, from there we were rushed. I got Ryno to the Dr. to look at these big skin tag looking things that he's got on his neck, arm, and stomach. It turns out to be a virus. Cal actually had it, also when we lived in Walnut. His got infected and needed to be removed by the dermatologist.
Anyway, Ryne has several, and he's had them for a while. We honestly thought it was weird acne, until they got on his arm. Freezing them off, or taking them off with a razor are both options, as well as possibly some type of topical
ointment. The only problem is, these things can come back. So, getting rid of them, doesn't really "cure" the virus. The Dr. wants us to wait 3-4 weeks, and if we see no improvement, then the Dr. will freeze them off himself or refer us to a local Sports Dr. (whatever they're called). The wait list for a dermatologist is simply insane. I remember that with Cal.
I dropped Ryne off at school, and then headed off to work. My immediate reaction was to grab a soda, or something to eat, but I thought, crap, I can't run to food over every little stress. I mean really, I did just rip the ass out of my pajamas yesterday. By lunch time I was getting pretty hungry. I'd forgotten to bring some fruit to work, and all I'd had was a smoothie at 6:30 a.m. My boss asked if I wanted to run to Subway with her, and I felt like she wanted to talk, and really, it's hard to pass up Subway. So, I got myself a veggie sub, but I knew that I wouldn't be able to have any starch during my dinner. After
work, I had to run an errand, and I ended up next to a Little Caesar's Pizza
place. There was a sign that said, "Hot and Ready $5.50." I thought, what the hell, and grabbed some pizza for the boys. Just about that time, Brian called in a panic that the Maintenance guy from our rental agency was at the house, but he didn't have a key. Crap! I was 45 mins. away. I tried calling Ryne on that
fancy ass phone of his, that's for calling us when they get home from school,
but of course it went right to v/m. I was a bit panicked. I didn't think they'd let him in, but I wasn't sure. I hauled ass home to find the guy waiting in our driveway. I didn't feel too bad about it, as they never bothered to call and tell
when they were going to be there. I got the guy started on the toilet (insert joke here), and then fed the boys. I chilled for minute and was just about to heat up my soup (I made 3 batches yesterday) and make a salad, when my phone went off w/an emergency tornado warning in my area. Crap. I went up and told the
Maintenance guy what was going on, and then the town siren went off. The boys got totally panicked. We've only been though this one other time since moving here. I didn't know how long we were going to be camped out in the basement, so I grabbed 2 pieces of cheese pizza. I was so damn hungry. Ugh!!!!! Day 1, and I shit the bed. I did, however have an apple later tonight. So, day 1 didn't go quite as well as I hoped, but I think I can forgive myself given the fact that we were in a tornado warning. Look, it's got to be the best "excuse" ever for cheating on a diet. We ended up down in the basement for
about an hour. Ryne would go through crying freak outs, even though I kept ensuring him that everything was okay. Get this...Ryne took a blanket down to the basement, and Sara's ashes. I don't know if I think that's incredibly sweet, or part of me thinks WTF? Creepy. I know he loves her, though. He does keep her ashes in his room. Anyway, I thought that was pretty funny.
Our time in the basement (other than the occasional hysterics courtesy my 11 year old), was actually quite nice. I tried teaching Cal how to hold a pool cue.
It's so cute with that short stick. They both look really awkward, though, being left handed. It was a fun time.
Oh yes, my eye was still a little swollen today and a little irritated, so the Dr. took me off the med. she'd prescribed a week ago. She wants me off of it for a
week, and then try another one then. I'm feeling pretty good, but I honestly have no idea if it's because I was already heading there, or if the medicine did work that quickly. I really don't want to take anything....but I guess I have to remind myself that I let myself get to a really bad place (on what I do take), and I really should try something else even for just precautionary measures. I'm really, really hopeful that the clean, whole foods eating is going to encourage good mental health, as well as good physical health. Today is the best I've felt in quite some time. I'm excited to try to take back some of the control that I've slowly been losing on my own life. I have to keep remembering that this is MY life... I need to live it for me, not for anyone else. I need to quit caring so deeply about what other people think of me. I fucking hate that about myself. There's no winning in that little game.
I'd like to leave you with a testimonial (and there are a bunch of them) from the Eat to Live book: "In 5 months I've lost so much more than the 43 pounds! I've lost my self-disappointment, my sad reflection, my depression, medication, acne, migraines, and best of all....I lost my fat jeans. Eat to Live rocks!" (43
lbs., 5 mos). This wasn't the one I wanted to use, but the one that I'm thinking of must be in the body of the book. A guy talked about going to the buffet and sitting down at the table with his plate of food, when the butt ripped out of his jeans and the button went flying off the front. That was his wake up call. I love that he used that experience to turn his life around. I'm hoping I can do the same.
Wishing you all good health and lots of love,
(terrible first day)
6:30 Smoothie (banana, ground flax seed, spinach, water, and frozen blueberries)
Footlong Veggie sandwich on wheat, with honey mustard
5:30 2 slices of cheese pizza