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Diariesofafatass.com

Beam Me Up is on now.  Perfect.

10/21/2012

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Oh, what a magnificent morning.  The sun is shining (although it's not bringing any warmth), and I got some wonderful sleep.  This is my favorite morning in a while.  By nature, I'm not a morning person, but I guess that's only when I have to get up and go to work.  haha.  I promise you this, though (and myself), one day mornings will not be so hard for me.  One day I'll work at a "job" that I'm excited about, a job that I have passion for.  If I were a better writer and not someone that writes at a 9th grade level, I'd dream of writing.  Well, actually in my wildest dreams I do dream of writing.  But I do have dreams that I feel could be within striking distance.  Dreams that are just beneath the surface of  my being.  But I need to get my fat ass in shape before those dreams can be a reality.  For now, I guess they are dreams in progress.  But dreams that I know will become a reality.

Back to my wonderful morning, I'm writing to you and to myself.  Sometimes I really do love doing this, love having this blog.  I have the unedited P!nk on, in the background, and it's the first time I've listened to this version.  Try is on now.  Everytime the music starts for this song, I see the video in my head.  I see how fit she is.  I see what an artist she is.  I'm not really artsy, but I can appreciate things like that.  I know I talk about Pink all the time, but it's really because I feel in some ways she can speak for me.  She speaks for so many of us.  What a talent.  The one thing I wish for her is that she weren't so angry.  You see it in the Try video, you hear it in some of her lyrics, you hear it in her.  But like everyone else, she's working on it, and she's getting "closer to fine" as you can hear with each album she puts out.  Yep, that's the way my brain works.  I want to make Pink happier.  I want to make everyone happier, inc. myself. 

Okay, back to my fantastic morning....  It all actually started yesterday.  We had a wonderful day as a familly.  I probably had the best meal I've had since living in the MW.  We had some excellent Thai food.  It was clean tasting and oh, so good.  We all loved it.  We got some errands done.  We dropped off a bunch of stuff to the Goodwill, and we picked up a huge bag of clothes for the boys (inc. like 6 pair of nice gym shorts for Ryne), for $14.  I even got myself this dumb little $2 Nativity Scene.  It's one of these that's just in one piece.  Anyway, I'm excited to put it on my desk for the month of December.  I have a great Nativity Scene for the house.  My mom bought it for me like 20 years ago.  It's simple.  It's beautiful.  And it is one of my most cherished possessions, no question.  The day all around was just really nice.  I made extra efforts to have better patience with the boys, and although it was a simple day, I know we all loved it.

Last night I was supposed to go a Haunted House with a friend.  I've never been to one before.  I was actually really excited.  Although, I must confess, I was scared to death that I'd piss my pants, so I already had planned to wear a pad.  Near the end of  day, I got super tired, though  When we got home from our day out, I went to lay down and totally fell asleep.  I slept through the text from my friend letting me know it was time to go.  I think I slept for about 3 hours.  Oh, beautiful, uninterupted sleep.  It's ashame that I missed the HH, but I'm so glad I got the sleep that I must've really needed.  A little bit after I woke up, it was time for the boys to go to bed.  Brian came up and we watched some Oregon State football (B was so excited.  It's never on out here), and we had some time to just chill and enjoy hanging out with each other.  We are friends before anything, and that has been the biggest key to what I consider a successful marriage (but don't confuse that with a perfect marriage ;), those don't exist, don't let anyone ever tell you otherwise).  I was also alseep again by 10:30 or so.  I had a great night's sleep.  A key to waking up to a wonderful morning.

Brian's now in the kitchen making his Sunday french toast.  I love that he does this for the kids every Sun.  It's such a nice bonding thing for them.  This is about the extent of  Brian and cooking, but if he's going to do anything, I'm glad it's this.  I can smell his pot of coffee.  I don't drink coffee, but I can appreciate the aroma it gives away.  About this same time, every single Sunday, I try to let my senses take over.  I try to take it all in.  Brian happy cooking, the boys jabbering with excitement, the smells....all of it.  It's one of the few times during the week, that I make myself stop and take in the moment.

Okay, I'm nealy done rambling on this morning.  Soon, the boys will come screaming down the stairs for breakfast, and I'll need to come out of my little bubble of peace and dive into the day.  But I'll leave you with this question that one of my fave authors posted on FB this morning.  Geneen Roth asked: Is what you are doing, being, eating bringing you closer to yourself or further away?  I love the question, but I don't love my internal answer.  I haven't been esp kind to myself lately, but my life is a work in progress.  Today is a step toward bringing myself closer....  I hope you love your own internal answer to this question.  If not, I hope the question helps you get where you want to go.

Much Love,
Jen





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    Jen

    Age 47
    Married 24 years
    2 boys, 18 & 15
    email: diariesofafatass@gmail.com


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