Happy Friday! I had a short work week, but it still felt incredibly long. We returned home from vacation at 1:45 A.M. on Tuesday morning. That same morning, I had an 8:15 A.M. Dr appointment with labs, work for a couple hours, MRI, appt with Spine Center, and then another appt to have a cervical steroid epidural on my neck (and yes, it hurt like a mother fucker – and is still sore). It certainly wasn’t the best planning, but when dealing with doctors, we are often at their mercy.
We had a quick weekend out to Colorado to spend it with the bff and her husband. It was Brian’s first trip out there, and we were always on the go. I was happy he finally got to see what I’ve been raving about (CO). As always, I loved spending time with the bff – and it was good for our husbands to get together.
The summer has been busy with lots of fun, summer type stuff. There has been some great concerts, a Broadway musical, and time with friends and family. As always, I feel spread too thin, but the bigger part of me always wants to live life for every second. I’ve always been that way, but getting sick has even added to that…it’s funny how much it has stayed with me…. A few weeks after I started at my job, a woman came back to work and immediately introduced herself. She had just returned from surgery on a herniated disc in her neck (of all things), and we instantly connected. She just opened up, and it was as if she were speaking for me (not knowing anything about me). She’s a bit older than me but spoke about what her injury did to her, menopause and how it’s affected her whole life, etc. It was so nice to hear someone just speak her truth without thought. She saw me the next day and apologized for what she considered ramblings of personal issues. Of course, I told her how much appreciated her and her openness. I don’t have any illusions of us being great, personal friends or anything (I am honestly not looking for something like that in my life right now), but it’s wonderful to know that someone, who understands, is there. When we see each other for our brief moments, they are meaningful.
Speaking of a plate that is overly full, I’m writing from my new laptop. The teenagers have thrashed my other one, and it is too big for me to carry around and work from. I bought this new one, so I could work on the blog more often and the book. The funny thing is, I bought it a few weeks ago, and this is the first time I’ve had time to use it. I’ve finished reading through the last professional edit on the book and have been making some adjustments. For the first time, in quite a while, I’m excited about the book – on some levels – really excited. A childhood friend asked to read it, and she did a lot to help give my confidence back. She couldn’t put it down and blamed me for keeping her up nights, reading. She had the same responses and some of my initial beta readers, and that made my soul happy to have written it.
So, I’ve briefly summed up my summer, but what is missing – is the most important part: good health. I have been off the rails in some really big ways. There are moments of healthy eating in there (a lot of smoothies, periods of no soda), but I have fallen off hard recently. I’m at a time in my life, where I should be doing everything to the tee. My body has and is going through some shit, and I need to treat it with the respect and love it deserves. Instead, I let my head get to me, and turn to food. A couple of weeks ago, I finally followed up with the spine Dr. on my neck MRI. I’ve got a good sized herniated disc, along with a lot of other crap (some that was there last year and some new). The professionals all seem to have different reasons for how the weakness started when I got sick or others with how it would have no relation to what happened. I do know, nothing was this bad before I ended up in the E.R. In addition, though, I really can’t be sure if some of it wasn’t happening before. I was so out of touch with my body, but I was so sick, I had no idea. I kept pushing and pushing….and pushing when there was nothing there. Anyway, the surgeon seems to think I need surgery, but for insurance reasons, physical therapy is required first. I am hoping that the p/t helps and pushes it off – but surgery does appear to be inevitable. I didn’t take any of it well…how weak I still am….and the outlook -and of course – when I needed to treat my body well, didn’t. Although, I’m limited on some of the things I can do or how long I can last or push, there’s no reason for me to do as little as I have been. I’ve been wallowing, and that’s not me….it’s bullshit, and I’m trying to turn it all around. I mean, really….I’m writing this on a Friday night…with no wine in hand…
Jesse and I are going hiking with a friend and her dog tomorrow morning. I’m stoked, but at the same time, quite sore from p/t tonight and worried about being the girl that holds them up. I worked hard to not be that girl, so it sucks to be back here. I also plan on going Sunday as well. I’m hoping the natural vitamin D, fresh air, and genuine love for the outdoors will catapult me into a great week. I really need it. I hate the weight gain, and it’s all on me….I did this to myself. I’m the only one that can undo it.
I plan on doing some real meal prep work on Sunday. I have to start making time for these things, that mean the most. I’m never going to succeed if I don’t put the time and energy into it all – walking and good food. I’ll never quite understand why we don’t always do this…..we are worth it, right? We should take care of ourselves in every way. A lot of people talk to me about their mental struggles or dietary issues. I always wish they could see what I see in them. I want them to see how they deserve the very best – and should give that to themselves. One of the people I love the most, reached out to me this week, about her struggles. This woman….she is one of a kind. When people know her, they remember her. She has the energy and glow about her. Everyone wants to be her friend. I wish I could capture that somehow, so I could show it to her. As you get ready to head into another over-filled week, I hope you stop and remember to take care of yourself first. I’ll promise to do it, if you do. After all, we are pretty bad ass and deserve great things.
Here’s to a great weekend and week. How blessed are we to be who and where we are? Cheers with my water bottle (party foul – I know).
I’m not crazy. I’m just a little unwell. I know, right now you can’t tell. But stay a while, and maybe then you’ll see – a different side of me.