Last week we had a weigh-in at work for this weight loss program several of us are doing. We did this not too long ago, as well, but it didn't have the outcome we were all hoping for. So, here I go again...hoping this time will be different. I think our first weigh-in was a few weeks or a month before. I went in, expecting to have gained, as usual. I've only seen the scale go one way for quite some time now. Anyway, I was down a pound and a half. Now, that could be the difference in clothing, blah, blah, blah...but it was a day and a half after I'd had my last regular soda. I like to credit that. Yes, I know that's crazy...but really there had been a shift in that week leading into the weigh-in. It came from a couple of things, but mostly I think it came from a conversation with Amy when she was out here. We were talking about my weight issues, and I couldn't explain it to her. I have so much shame and embarrassment, and I just kind of broke down. Let me tell you something...I hate breaking down in front of people. Of course, there was no judgment from her, only support. I don't know. I guess I just needed to get it out. I just needed to be around someone who gets me like that. After that visit, there was a shift. Actually, there's been a shift in a few ways for the better, and I think it shows in the way I'm starting to think about taking care of myself. I haven't been able to actually follow through with this in so very long...a very disappointing amount of time. It started with a promise of drinking one smoothie, which has now turned into drinking a smoothie 6/8 last days. It started with cutting out Pepsi...which I miss every single day, but I do feel better without it. I've been drinking a couple of diets every day, but I hope to throw that crutch away soon. It started with ordering salads as my side item a couple of times....it started with me seeing my body for the disaster it is. I weighed myself again on Monday (5 days after the one and a half pound weight loss-which I'm sure was more...as I'm sure I gained the first three weeks of that weight-loss competition and lost it plus that last week) and in those 5 days, I was down 5 pounds. Yes, there was the difference between wearing clothes and not with that second weigh-in, but for my own brain, I'm not thinking about that. I'm thinking about that 5 pounds. I'm thinking about these tiny baby steps that actually mean the world to me. I'm thinking about the short walk I took at lunch with coworkers today, instead of us going out to lunch. Yes, a shift is happening. It might not be huge for most, but for me...it's huge (that's what she said).
If it weren't for this tiny shift, I don't know that I would've bought my ticket to Maui yesterday. I've been talking myself out of going to my cousin's wedding for a while now...which is why I ended up buying my ticket at a much higher price less than two weeks before the wedding. The hotel everyone is staying out is also sold out, but my Aunt Fern and I got a room at another place not too far away. Maui has been on my bucket list for a long time. I always thought Brian and I would go together, so it's a bummer, I'll be going alone. I also thought I'd be thinner and able to run on the beach...but that thinking is what got me here. I'm thinking about the shift..the shift that lets me envision spending time with some of the people I love most in this world, the shift that sees me getting in long walks on the beach. The shift that allows me to feel the tranquility of the gentle roar of the waves. Oh, how I miss the ocean. I can't wait to watch my cousin get married. I love that kid so much. Anyway, I guess I just wanted to drive home the point that it all starts with baby steps... I've only made minor changes so far, but they've gone so far in terms of my psyche. It all comes down to our mental state, right? The brain controls everything. It's going to be a long journey, but I welcome it with open arms. It's so nice to actually care about myself. It's been such a long time.
I've been on a major Fleetwood Mac kick lately. There are so many songs I could add here, but I'll go with Big Love. It's what made me fall head over heels for Lindsey Buckingham so many years ago. Watch those fingers...you can also feel his passion for the guitar, for the lyrics. I love it.
Enjoy your night,
Jen
If it weren't for this tiny shift, I don't know that I would've bought my ticket to Maui yesterday. I've been talking myself out of going to my cousin's wedding for a while now...which is why I ended up buying my ticket at a much higher price less than two weeks before the wedding. The hotel everyone is staying out is also sold out, but my Aunt Fern and I got a room at another place not too far away. Maui has been on my bucket list for a long time. I always thought Brian and I would go together, so it's a bummer, I'll be going alone. I also thought I'd be thinner and able to run on the beach...but that thinking is what got me here. I'm thinking about the shift..the shift that lets me envision spending time with some of the people I love most in this world, the shift that sees me getting in long walks on the beach. The shift that allows me to feel the tranquility of the gentle roar of the waves. Oh, how I miss the ocean. I can't wait to watch my cousin get married. I love that kid so much. Anyway, I guess I just wanted to drive home the point that it all starts with baby steps... I've only made minor changes so far, but they've gone so far in terms of my psyche. It all comes down to our mental state, right? The brain controls everything. It's going to be a long journey, but I welcome it with open arms. It's so nice to actually care about myself. It's been such a long time.
I've been on a major Fleetwood Mac kick lately. There are so many songs I could add here, but I'll go with Big Love. It's what made me fall head over heels for Lindsey Buckingham so many years ago. Watch those fingers...you can also feel his passion for the guitar, for the lyrics. I love it.
Enjoy your night,
Jen
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