I spent Thursday-Saturday in Chicago with Amy. We did our dual birthday celebration/March Madness trip, that is now two years into being an annual event. As always, it was a total blast. I don't know that you could pick two people who are more alike but at the same time, more different than one another than the two of us. It just works.
I came home Saturday night pretty damn pooped. Brian has been working, so the house we kind of a disaster. I got up bright and early yesterday to tackle housework and laundry. It was a clean the appliances kind of day. It felt so good to see such a difference. I did some grocery shopping, and then my friend Jackie came over to watch the season finale of How to Get Away with Murder. Holy shit...that show is so damn good. After she left, I made two meatloaves, mashed potatoes, and a bunch of sides. By the time the night wound down, I was worn out. I came into today feeling the effects of the past several days. But you know what, I've felt alive. I'll take that over simply existing any day of the week. After work I ran by Wal-Mart. We always joke about that store after work hours, because once you leave work, you just run into everyone at the store all over again. Today was different, though. I ran into Jackie's husband. It was nice to catch up with him. I really do like him. We chatted and got in line together. I pulled out the flowers, and he made a comment about me buying my own flowers. "Hell yeah, I'm buying these for myself. I don't get them as often as I once did." He joked that Jackie has to buy her own, too. What he didn't know was the internal dialogue that went along with deciding to buy myself flowers. I love flowers. I can't keep them alive for shit (but somehow both of my poinsettias are still alive), but I love taking the time to appreciate everything about the flowers. I'll just smell them several times a day. So, as I sat there wondering if I wanted to spend the $10 on myself for the flowers, I thought, fuck yeah I do. I'll appreciate the fuck out of these things. I'll be the first to admit, I don't do enough of these types of things for myself. I'm sure you don't either. But I will tell you, I'm so happy I bought these mother fucking flowers. As cheesy as it sounds, it was telling myself I'm worth it. You are, too, so whatever brings you those simple pleasures, please do them for yourself. Maybe it's taking a walk, getting a workout in, meditating, or disappearing for a few minutes away from the kids, while you enjoy eating the shit out of a cookie....do something that you enjoy, simply for the shear joy of how it makes you feel in that moment. As adults we don't do that near enough. (But a word to the wise, sometimes there is such thing as too much self indulgence, as praying to the porcelain Gods taught me on Friday night ;)
So, the flowers are right up there with my favorite thing of the day. And I must admit, cleaning my bathroom tonight was also right up there. (I know...I'm pathetic) It's been bugging me since I got back Saturday night, and I ran out of town yesterday. But I have a sense of peace that goes along with writing this in my bedroom, with the door to the spotless bathroom wide open and staring right at me.
I write often about life being about choices from moment to moment. Tonight I was thankful for Amy being the inspiration for me having a smoothie for dinner (it was my end of the bargain as she did something that she'd been avoiding, too) I'll say that I shit the bed earlier today with my diet, but I ended the day doing something for me....even if I didn't realize it until I got that great feeling that comes along with doing something healthy for yourself, in drinking that thing. I was left full and satisfied. As someone with an extraordinary amount of weight to lose, that aren't many meals that leave you feeling satisfied-when you're eating like shit all the time.
I can't believe I'm adding yet another Kenny Rogers song (okay that's a lie-I do love me some Kenny), but this song has been going though my head, since the thought process began about buying my own flowers. Hope you like it.