In the interest of full disclosure: I'm on my second glass of wine.
In the interest of full disclosure: I'm on my second glass of wine. Today has just been one of those days. I guess it all started when I woke up and looked in the mirror. Look, I'm far from vain. I've never been what you'd call a looker, and I've never done a lot to change that. I rarely wear makeup. I don't spend a lot of time on picking out my clothes. For whatever reason, I just didn't get that "girl" gene. It doesn't mean that 100% of the time, I don't give much thought to my appearance. Sometimes I actually try. That's the really disappointing part. It doesn't get much better when I do put the effort in. I remember Howard and Robin talking one day about this ex-coworker of theirs that had dropped a bunch of weight, and how there was really nothing that poor girl could do to be pretty. I feel the same way about myself. But a lot of the time, I don't give it much thought. But, this morning, when I was throwing on my sweatshirt and brushing my hair to go and wait for the bus with Cal, I caught a glimpse of myself. All those things, and there are many, that I don't like about myself just came flying off the mirror. It was like I was someone else. I know I have these horrible two bumps under my big, fat lower lip. But this morning, it looked as if I'd been stung by bees under my lip. And then came the realization. Holy Fuck! This must be what I look like every fucking day. Oh mofo.... Oh, and there are many other things, but we really don't have time to get those, except the big zits on my face. I don't break out in acne often. That's a good thing. The bad thing is I have rosacea, and I would gladly trade zits for the rosacea. Oh, but no...I have both today. One of those huge fuckers has been there since last week. I chalked it up to my period. The other, I got the day after my period! Well, maybe stress, maybe toxins leaving my body? Who the fuck knows. But anyway, I decided early this morning that mirror was not my friend. Instead, I just let the Mirrors song by JT go through my head all day. That's a much more pleasant thought.
The past two nights have been kind of anxiety ridden. It's literally felt like someone is trying to smother me with a pillow when I've tried to go to bed. So, sleep has been filled with terrible dreams (mostly to do with abandonment and rejection). But I've been a trooper. I mean it. I've been a mother fucking trooper. I'm not going to let anything get me down. Things are good... So, earlier than normal, this morning, I took Jesse out for a walk around the lake. This usually is so head clearing for me, but today, my shitting dog decided to be, well a dog. A bad dog. Yesterday, I was describing something she did to Brian, and he's all, "well, she's all dog". I wanted to scream, "I don't want a dog. I want a best friend!" Pathetic, I know.... But anyway, today she just wasn't listening. There's about a 2 mile section that I let her go off leash, and she has a blast going in and out of the brush, etc. She's always sure to stay within eyesight of me, though. Not today. She was all over the place. I finally tracked her down, and I put the leash on her. Well, once we got to the place I let her stop to drink and swim, I gave her a second chance. It was good for about 5 minutes until we saw two, beautiful, huge deer on the other side of the river. I've never seen deer here, and I was transfixed. It's in an area where the side we were walking on is divided by a lazier part of the river that flows in from the side. It's pretty muddy, but it's quite wide in size. And what do you know....Jesse saw those deer and actually swam across the river to find those deer! I was screaming for her all the while, but she didn't give a rats ass. Now, normally Jesse's swimming consists of about 10 doggy paddles and she's done. Well, today, she looked like Diana Torres out there. It was quite some time, and just before I was about to try to leave the area and find a way to the other side, that she came racing back down swam back across. Oh, was I pissed at her.
After said incident, I decided to forego the quick stop at Fred Meyers I'd planned on. I came home, so she and I could take a break from each other, while I took the time to watch Pink videos (haha) and shower while I had her outside in the backyard. I knew I needed a pick me up, so I decided to go shopping for myself, while grocery shopping. Fred Meyer: One Stop Shopping. My good friend Lynn, had put a prepaid debit card in my going away card. I still hadn't used it, and I had a Fred Meyer gift card, so I decided to treat myself to some workout gear. I found a great runners jacket, but it all went South when I decided to try on the pants. I somehow thought my 11 pound weight loss translated to 50 pounds in clothes sizing. Ah shit. I forgot. I'm still fat ;) While at the store, Ryne text me to say he was getting on the bus, and that he had thrown up at school. Instantly my stomach was in knots once again. That poor kid. He has an appointment at the Children's Hospital in Seattle next Thursday, but I called when I got home to put him on a wait list in case of cancellation. Man alive, I feel for this kid. I hope to God we get some answers next week....
So, tonight I thought...damn, I could go for a drink. I decided against beer, as I wanted less calories, although I'm sure if I googled red wine, I'd find I'm drinking more calories, but I love the buzz of wine. I rarely drink it, but I do love it. Even before I cracked the bottle, I did some heavy cleaning, trying to persuade myself away from alcohol, but the alcohol won tonight. Anyhow, I called L.P. (you know, my friend aka Life Partner, Kim :) It wasn't until today that I realized next weekend is our girls weekend w/ Le Ann. We had a fun talk, and were laughing about how it is our "Wine Wednesday" after all. What's funny, is it started as Pizza Wed. and a reason to get our boys together. We still had the play dates for the kids, but we also had some good grownup time. I miss those days. Anyway, we had some good laughs and afterward had some funny texts. It was just what the Dr. ordered. Well, that along with the wine, and the Waylon Jennings I have playing in the background. I must also confess, that I can't hold my wine. I think you've figured that out by now. Also, a "glass" to me, is probably like 3 glasses to a person who knows how much to put in a glass. I just fill it 3/4 of the way up :) Oh, this is a diet blog, so I guess I should mention my diet today. I ate healthy, but honestly I didn't eat enough. Which also is probably helping me ride the wine train.
I guess I should go before I get myself in more trouble than I probably already put myself in. I'll forget about this until the next time I got to update the blog, and then I'll be like... Oh Jen, you di-dn't.... Thanks for letting me vent. Actually, I really don't have much to complain about, even though I just did. Life if is good. Today just wasn't my favorite day.
Much Love,
Jen
I'll leave you with the song that's currently playing and ironic in a way. "Bruises" gave me something to talk about tonight.
Lyrics to Bruises [Feat. Ashley Monroe] :
Haven't seen you since high school
Good to
see you're still beautiful
Gravity hasn't started to pull
Quite yet I
bet you're rich as hell
One that's five and one that's three
Been two
years since he left me
Good to know that you got free
That town I know
was keeping you down on your knees
These bruises make for better
conversation
Loses the vibe that separates
It's good to let you in
again
You're not alone in how you've been
Everybody loses, we all got
bruises
We all got bruises
Have you seen him? Not in years
How
about her? No but I hear
She's in Queens with the man of her dreams
Funny back then she said that about you
Que sera you'll never guess who I
saw
Remember Johnny B remember him we were best friends practically
Let's do this soon again, ten years is that what it's been?
Can't believe
how time flies by
Leaving you makes me wanna cry
These bruises make
for better conversation
Loses the vibe that separates
It's good to let
you in again
You're not alone in how you've been
Everybody loses, we all
got bruises
We all got bruises
I would love to fix it all for you
I would love to fix you too
Please don't fix a thing whatever you
do
These bruises make for better conversation
Loses the vibe that
separates
It's good to know you've got a friend
That you remember now
and then
Everybody loses
These bruises make for better
conversation
Loses the vibe that separates
It's good to let you in
again
You're not alone in how you've been
Everybody loses,everybody
loses, everybody loses
We all got bruises, We all got bruises, We all got
bruises
Haven't seen you since high school
Good to see you're
still beautiful
Gravity hasn't started to pull
Quite yet I bet you're
rich as hell
One that's five and one that's three
Been two years
since he left me
Good to know that you got free
That town I know was
keeping you down on your knees
These bruises make for better
conversation
Loses the vibe that separates
It's good to let you in
again
You're not alone in how you've been
Everybody loses, we all got
bruises
We all got bruises
Have you seen him? Not in years
How
about her? No but I hear
She's in Queens with the man of her dreams
Funny back then she said that about you
Que sera you'll never guess who
I saw
Remember Johnny B remember him we were best friends practically
Let's do this soon again, ten years is that what it's been?
Can't believe
how time flies by
Leaving you makes me wanna cry
These bruises make
for better conversation
Loses the vibe that separates
It's good to let
you in again
You're not alone in how you've been
Everybody loses, we all
got bruises
We all got bruises
I would love to fix it all for
you
I would love to fix you too
Please don't fix a thing whatever you
do
These bruises make for better conversation
Loses the vibe that
separates
It's good to know you've got a friend
That you remember now
and then
Everybody loses
These bruises make for better
conversation
Loses the vibe that separates
It's good to let you in
again
You're not alone in how you've been
Everybody loses,everybody
loses, everybody loses
We all got bruises, We all got bruises, We all got
bruises
The past two nights have been kind of anxiety ridden. It's literally felt like someone is trying to smother me with a pillow when I've tried to go to bed. So, sleep has been filled with terrible dreams (mostly to do with abandonment and rejection). But I've been a trooper. I mean it. I've been a mother fucking trooper. I'm not going to let anything get me down. Things are good... So, earlier than normal, this morning, I took Jesse out for a walk around the lake. This usually is so head clearing for me, but today, my shitting dog decided to be, well a dog. A bad dog. Yesterday, I was describing something she did to Brian, and he's all, "well, she's all dog". I wanted to scream, "I don't want a dog. I want a best friend!" Pathetic, I know.... But anyway, today she just wasn't listening. There's about a 2 mile section that I let her go off leash, and she has a blast going in and out of the brush, etc. She's always sure to stay within eyesight of me, though. Not today. She was all over the place. I finally tracked her down, and I put the leash on her. Well, once we got to the place I let her stop to drink and swim, I gave her a second chance. It was good for about 5 minutes until we saw two, beautiful, huge deer on the other side of the river. I've never seen deer here, and I was transfixed. It's in an area where the side we were walking on is divided by a lazier part of the river that flows in from the side. It's pretty muddy, but it's quite wide in size. And what do you know....Jesse saw those deer and actually swam across the river to find those deer! I was screaming for her all the while, but she didn't give a rats ass. Now, normally Jesse's swimming consists of about 10 doggy paddles and she's done. Well, today, she looked like Diana Torres out there. It was quite some time, and just before I was about to try to leave the area and find a way to the other side, that she came racing back down swam back across. Oh, was I pissed at her.
After said incident, I decided to forego the quick stop at Fred Meyers I'd planned on. I came home, so she and I could take a break from each other, while I took the time to watch Pink videos (haha) and shower while I had her outside in the backyard. I knew I needed a pick me up, so I decided to go shopping for myself, while grocery shopping. Fred Meyer: One Stop Shopping. My good friend Lynn, had put a prepaid debit card in my going away card. I still hadn't used it, and I had a Fred Meyer gift card, so I decided to treat myself to some workout gear. I found a great runners jacket, but it all went South when I decided to try on the pants. I somehow thought my 11 pound weight loss translated to 50 pounds in clothes sizing. Ah shit. I forgot. I'm still fat ;) While at the store, Ryne text me to say he was getting on the bus, and that he had thrown up at school. Instantly my stomach was in knots once again. That poor kid. He has an appointment at the Children's Hospital in Seattle next Thursday, but I called when I got home to put him on a wait list in case of cancellation. Man alive, I feel for this kid. I hope to God we get some answers next week....
So, tonight I thought...damn, I could go for a drink. I decided against beer, as I wanted less calories, although I'm sure if I googled red wine, I'd find I'm drinking more calories, but I love the buzz of wine. I rarely drink it, but I do love it. Even before I cracked the bottle, I did some heavy cleaning, trying to persuade myself away from alcohol, but the alcohol won tonight. Anyhow, I called L.P. (you know, my friend aka Life Partner, Kim :) It wasn't until today that I realized next weekend is our girls weekend w/ Le Ann. We had a fun talk, and were laughing about how it is our "Wine Wednesday" after all. What's funny, is it started as Pizza Wed. and a reason to get our boys together. We still had the play dates for the kids, but we also had some good grownup time. I miss those days. Anyway, we had some good laughs and afterward had some funny texts. It was just what the Dr. ordered. Well, that along with the wine, and the Waylon Jennings I have playing in the background. I must also confess, that I can't hold my wine. I think you've figured that out by now. Also, a "glass" to me, is probably like 3 glasses to a person who knows how much to put in a glass. I just fill it 3/4 of the way up :) Oh, this is a diet blog, so I guess I should mention my diet today. I ate healthy, but honestly I didn't eat enough. Which also is probably helping me ride the wine train.
I guess I should go before I get myself in more trouble than I probably already put myself in. I'll forget about this until the next time I got to update the blog, and then I'll be like... Oh Jen, you di-dn't.... Thanks for letting me vent. Actually, I really don't have much to complain about, even though I just did. Life if is good. Today just wasn't my favorite day.
Much Love,
Jen
I'll leave you with the song that's currently playing and ironic in a way. "Bruises" gave me something to talk about tonight.
Lyrics to Bruises [Feat. Ashley Monroe] :
Haven't seen you since high school
Good to
see you're still beautiful
Gravity hasn't started to pull
Quite yet I
bet you're rich as hell
One that's five and one that's three
Been two
years since he left me
Good to know that you got free
That town I know
was keeping you down on your knees
These bruises make for better
conversation
Loses the vibe that separates
It's good to let you in
again
You're not alone in how you've been
Everybody loses, we all got
bruises
We all got bruises
Have you seen him? Not in years
How
about her? No but I hear
She's in Queens with the man of her dreams
Funny back then she said that about you
Que sera you'll never guess who I
saw
Remember Johnny B remember him we were best friends practically
Let's do this soon again, ten years is that what it's been?
Can't believe
how time flies by
Leaving you makes me wanna cry
These bruises make
for better conversation
Loses the vibe that separates
It's good to let
you in again
You're not alone in how you've been
Everybody loses, we all
got bruises
We all got bruises
I would love to fix it all for you
I would love to fix you too
Please don't fix a thing whatever you
do
These bruises make for better conversation
Loses the vibe that
separates
It's good to know you've got a friend
That you remember now
and then
Everybody loses
These bruises make for better
conversation
Loses the vibe that separates
It's good to let you in
again
You're not alone in how you've been
Everybody loses,everybody
loses, everybody loses
We all got bruises, We all got bruises, We all got
bruises
Haven't seen you since high school
Good to see you're
still beautiful
Gravity hasn't started to pull
Quite yet I bet you're
rich as hell
One that's five and one that's three
Been two years
since he left me
Good to know that you got free
That town I know was
keeping you down on your knees
These bruises make for better
conversation
Loses the vibe that separates
It's good to let you in
again
You're not alone in how you've been
Everybody loses, we all got
bruises
We all got bruises
Have you seen him? Not in years
How
about her? No but I hear
She's in Queens with the man of her dreams
Funny back then she said that about you
Que sera you'll never guess who
I saw
Remember Johnny B remember him we were best friends practically
Let's do this soon again, ten years is that what it's been?
Can't believe
how time flies by
Leaving you makes me wanna cry
These bruises make
for better conversation
Loses the vibe that separates
It's good to let
you in again
You're not alone in how you've been
Everybody loses, we all
got bruises
We all got bruises
I would love to fix it all for
you
I would love to fix you too
Please don't fix a thing whatever you
do
These bruises make for better conversation
Loses the vibe that
separates
It's good to know you've got a friend
That you remember now
and then
Everybody loses
These bruises make for better
conversation
Loses the vibe that separates
It's good to let you in
again
You're not alone in how you've been
Everybody loses,everybody
loses, everybody loses
We all got bruises, We all got bruises, We all got
bruises
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