It’s safe to say that PMS and hormones have completely taken over my mind and body. Today has to be the day…. Aunt Flow has to come today and begin to put an end to this misery. The physical pains it brings are one thing, and I can handle that, it’s the tricks it’s starts to play with my mind. What a mind fuck this whole thing is. So, I’ve resolved to keep myself super busy at work today. I won’t give my mind time to fuck with me. Yesterday was an exceptionally bad, hormone related day. Brian was so good, though. He let me just kind of “check out” when I got home, until bed. I had a few beers (first at home in a while), and just watched t.v. Believe it or not, first was the Kardashian’s (okay, I don’t watch a lot of t.v. these days, why do I always choose to watch this when I do?!), and then was an evening full of the always cheery 9/11 stuff. Every year on that date, I spend the evening reliving it through t.v. I’ll watch program after program. And last night, I was
especially pissed because the only channel I could find doing anything about it
was the History Channel. Really? WTF? Apparently lots of channels showed stuff on it this weekend, but that’s b.s. That’s not the day….and ppl don’t watch t.v. on the weekends. I’ve seen the coverage get lower and lower and lower every single year. It was only 11 years ago for crying out loud! I know it sounds
silly, but I feel like if I don’t relive it all via t.v. every year, I’m doing a disservice to this country. In my lifetime, it’s the biggest thing that’s ever happened. And I was at such a vulnerable place when it all went down. I’d just returned to work after having Ryne, so I was getting ready in the morning. Brian and I had a little argument before I got in the shower, and when I got out he was sitting in front of the t.v. He told me that a plane had just flown into one of the Twin Towers. I was shocked, but was of course thinking it was a little plane and not
on purpose. I sat down to nurse Ryne, and that’s when we saw the second jet go screaming into the other tower. It was all so surreal. My emotions were so high anyway, having this infant, which dramatically changed my life and the way I looked at things. And at the same time, having this bonding via breastfeeding while watching the most horrific thing I’d ever seen. I listened to Howard Stern on my drive to work, as they stayed broadcasting live, right there from N.Y. You could hear all of their concerns for those they knew that worked there, some had kids in a nearby school; many lived in Manhattan, etc. Just as I got into the lane to turn into my work, that’s when Robin screamed that one of the towers had fallen. That was the worst feeling in history. Of course, all of this is going on as you hear about the Pentagon, Flight 93, and various erroneous reports, which you believed to be true. It make me feel like vomiting just remembering it all again. I hope nobody ever forgets…ever, people jumping from buildings, firemen running up the stairs to their imminent deaths, while others tried to flee downward. Okay, I know that was really heavy…really, really heavy, but it is heavy stuff. I know 9/11 really had a big impact on how I lived my life for many months after the event. I remember
thinking how could I have ever watched Entertainment Tonight (pre 9/11) every night while there’s so much going on in the world. Who the fucks cares what Reese Witherspoon is wearing to some fucking party I’ve never heard of? I was so fearful for the life that I’d just brought into the world. I’d never known war, and of course I didn’t want Ryne to know it either. I remember sitting at the bar with Jody and Mikki, and Mikki was freaking out about the possibility of them bringing the draft back and Donnie was nearing that age. It was such a weird time. A time of uncertainty for sure. One thing that did come out of the 9/11 tragedy, is that it brought my friend H.P. and I closer. We were feeling all
of the same things surrounding the tragedy. We felt it with every fiber of our
being. I remember we went up to Cascade Tavern on 9/12 to have lunch, so we could watch coverage on the big screen. We were just praying they’d find survivors. H.P. and I also bonded through the Stern coverage which both of us had been glued to. It made a new, fun friendship: a bond. A bond that we still hold today. And we still think of each other every 9/11 and make an effort to reach out, no matter how crazy, busy our lives might be.
Okay, that all got much deeper than I intended. Anyway, I didn’t post
anything yesterday out of respect for the date. I didn’t think my whining was
appropriate for a day that brings so many so much sadness, and a day that
eventually brought us 2 wars....which for all intents and purposes are still
going. Watching the coverage last night and seeing what so many ppl have had to go through, certainly did make me reflect on my own health and wellbeing.
(This of course, as I’m drinking in my darkened bedroom). I hate that I take my own life for granted. A huge pet peeve of mine is when I feel as if I’m being taken for granted. Well, why wouldn’t anyone take me for granted? I can’t even
value my own life. Pathetic. Lots of work to do….lots of work to do….
Weighed myself this morning, and I was down 4 oz. I’ve done everything I can
possibly do to reverse my efforts these past couple of days. I’ll get back to it. I have to….
So, I’m sure many won’t remember hearing Where Were You When The World Stopped Turning? By Alan Jackson a few days later on some music awards show. He just sat there and sang it with a guitar. He’d just written it and it was so raw. I remember thinking it was the most honest, poignant song I’d ever heard. So very powerful. Anyway, here are the lyrics.
Hope all is well for everyone,
Jen
"Where Were You (When The World Stopped Turning)"
Where were you when the world stopped turning on that September
day?
Were you in the yard with your wife and children
Or working on some
stage in L.A.?
Did you stand there in shock at the sight of that black
smoke
Risin' against that blue sky?
Did you shout out in anger, in fear
for your neighbor
Or did you just sit down and cry?
Did you weep for
the children who lost their dear loved ones
And pray for the ones who don't
know?
Did you rejoice for the people who walked from the rubble
And sob
for the ones left below?
Did you burst out with pride for the red, white and
blue
And the heroes who died just doin' what they do?
Did you look up to
heaven for some kind of answer
And look at yourself and what really
matters?
[Chorus:]
I'm just a singer of simple songs
I'm not
a real political man
I watch CNN but I'm not sure I can tell
You the
difference in Iraq and Iran
But I know Jesus and I talk to God
And I
remember this from when I was young
Faith, hope and love are some good things
He gave us
And the greatest is love
Where were you when the world
stopped turning on that September day?
Were you teaching a class full of
innocent children
Or driving down some cold interstate?
Did you feel
guilty 'cause you're a survivor
In a crowded room did you feel alone?
Did
you call up your mother and tell her you loved her?
Did you dust off that
Bible at home?
Did you open your eyes, hope it never happened
Close
your eyes and not go to sleep?
Did you notice the sunset the first time in
ages
Or speak to some stranger on the street?
Did you lay down at night
and think of tomorrow
Or go out and buy you a gun?
Did you turn off that
violent old movie you're watchin'
And turn on "I Love Lucy" reruns?
Did you go to a church and hold hands with some strangers
Did you stand in
line and give your own blood?
Did you just stay home and cling tight to your
family
Thank God you had somebody to love?
[Chorus x2]
And the greatest is love.
And the greatest is love.
Where were you
when the world stopped turning on that September day?
especially pissed because the only channel I could find doing anything about it
was the History Channel. Really? WTF? Apparently lots of channels showed stuff on it this weekend, but that’s b.s. That’s not the day….and ppl don’t watch t.v. on the weekends. I’ve seen the coverage get lower and lower and lower every single year. It was only 11 years ago for crying out loud! I know it sounds
silly, but I feel like if I don’t relive it all via t.v. every year, I’m doing a disservice to this country. In my lifetime, it’s the biggest thing that’s ever happened. And I was at such a vulnerable place when it all went down. I’d just returned to work after having Ryne, so I was getting ready in the morning. Brian and I had a little argument before I got in the shower, and when I got out he was sitting in front of the t.v. He told me that a plane had just flown into one of the Twin Towers. I was shocked, but was of course thinking it was a little plane and not
on purpose. I sat down to nurse Ryne, and that’s when we saw the second jet go screaming into the other tower. It was all so surreal. My emotions were so high anyway, having this infant, which dramatically changed my life and the way I looked at things. And at the same time, having this bonding via breastfeeding while watching the most horrific thing I’d ever seen. I listened to Howard Stern on my drive to work, as they stayed broadcasting live, right there from N.Y. You could hear all of their concerns for those they knew that worked there, some had kids in a nearby school; many lived in Manhattan, etc. Just as I got into the lane to turn into my work, that’s when Robin screamed that one of the towers had fallen. That was the worst feeling in history. Of course, all of this is going on as you hear about the Pentagon, Flight 93, and various erroneous reports, which you believed to be true. It make me feel like vomiting just remembering it all again. I hope nobody ever forgets…ever, people jumping from buildings, firemen running up the stairs to their imminent deaths, while others tried to flee downward. Okay, I know that was really heavy…really, really heavy, but it is heavy stuff. I know 9/11 really had a big impact on how I lived my life for many months after the event. I remember
thinking how could I have ever watched Entertainment Tonight (pre 9/11) every night while there’s so much going on in the world. Who the fucks cares what Reese Witherspoon is wearing to some fucking party I’ve never heard of? I was so fearful for the life that I’d just brought into the world. I’d never known war, and of course I didn’t want Ryne to know it either. I remember sitting at the bar with Jody and Mikki, and Mikki was freaking out about the possibility of them bringing the draft back and Donnie was nearing that age. It was such a weird time. A time of uncertainty for sure. One thing that did come out of the 9/11 tragedy, is that it brought my friend H.P. and I closer. We were feeling all
of the same things surrounding the tragedy. We felt it with every fiber of our
being. I remember we went up to Cascade Tavern on 9/12 to have lunch, so we could watch coverage on the big screen. We were just praying they’d find survivors. H.P. and I also bonded through the Stern coverage which both of us had been glued to. It made a new, fun friendship: a bond. A bond that we still hold today. And we still think of each other every 9/11 and make an effort to reach out, no matter how crazy, busy our lives might be.
Okay, that all got much deeper than I intended. Anyway, I didn’t post
anything yesterday out of respect for the date. I didn’t think my whining was
appropriate for a day that brings so many so much sadness, and a day that
eventually brought us 2 wars....which for all intents and purposes are still
going. Watching the coverage last night and seeing what so many ppl have had to go through, certainly did make me reflect on my own health and wellbeing.
(This of course, as I’m drinking in my darkened bedroom). I hate that I take my own life for granted. A huge pet peeve of mine is when I feel as if I’m being taken for granted. Well, why wouldn’t anyone take me for granted? I can’t even
value my own life. Pathetic. Lots of work to do….lots of work to do….
Weighed myself this morning, and I was down 4 oz. I’ve done everything I can
possibly do to reverse my efforts these past couple of days. I’ll get back to it. I have to….
So, I’m sure many won’t remember hearing Where Were You When The World Stopped Turning? By Alan Jackson a few days later on some music awards show. He just sat there and sang it with a guitar. He’d just written it and it was so raw. I remember thinking it was the most honest, poignant song I’d ever heard. So very powerful. Anyway, here are the lyrics.
Hope all is well for everyone,
Jen
"Where Were You (When The World Stopped Turning)"
Where were you when the world stopped turning on that September
day?
Were you in the yard with your wife and children
Or working on some
stage in L.A.?
Did you stand there in shock at the sight of that black
smoke
Risin' against that blue sky?
Did you shout out in anger, in fear
for your neighbor
Or did you just sit down and cry?
Did you weep for
the children who lost their dear loved ones
And pray for the ones who don't
know?
Did you rejoice for the people who walked from the rubble
And sob
for the ones left below?
Did you burst out with pride for the red, white and
blue
And the heroes who died just doin' what they do?
Did you look up to
heaven for some kind of answer
And look at yourself and what really
matters?
[Chorus:]
I'm just a singer of simple songs
I'm not
a real political man
I watch CNN but I'm not sure I can tell
You the
difference in Iraq and Iran
But I know Jesus and I talk to God
And I
remember this from when I was young
Faith, hope and love are some good things
He gave us
And the greatest is love
Where were you when the world
stopped turning on that September day?
Were you teaching a class full of
innocent children
Or driving down some cold interstate?
Did you feel
guilty 'cause you're a survivor
In a crowded room did you feel alone?
Did
you call up your mother and tell her you loved her?
Did you dust off that
Bible at home?
Did you open your eyes, hope it never happened
Close
your eyes and not go to sleep?
Did you notice the sunset the first time in
ages
Or speak to some stranger on the street?
Did you lay down at night
and think of tomorrow
Or go out and buy you a gun?
Did you turn off that
violent old movie you're watchin'
And turn on "I Love Lucy" reruns?
Did you go to a church and hold hands with some strangers
Did you stand in
line and give your own blood?
Did you just stay home and cling tight to your
family
Thank God you had somebody to love?
[Chorus x2]
And the greatest is love.
And the greatest is love.
Where were you
when the world stopped turning on that September day?
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