41

So, I’m 41 today. Yep.  41.  I’m not really sure how that can be.  When talking to my friends around here (all seems to be early thirties and late twenties), I often refer to people being “our age.”  And when I say it, I really mean it.  When I
watch, How I Met Your Mother, I always think we are the same age, even when they refer to themselves as being in their early thirties.  Yet, I have my Pandora totally cranked in my office right now…started with Air Supply, and then it was Lionel Ritchie, and now Jackson Browne.  If I brought any of these people up, my “same age” friends would have no idea who they are, I’m sure.  And yes, the music is so loud; I know people can hear it outside my office.  But it’s my birthday, and I’ll cry (I mean celebrate) any way that I like.  Actually, it’s been pretty nice.  My Mom called yesterday, as she wouldn’t be in cell range today. 
She decided last minute to go visit my sisters in WA.  Not gonna lie…that stung a bit.  But, I am a long ways away.  It was nice to hear from her.  She sent me some NYC $ and a Josh Groban c.d./dvd.  WTF?  But, that was super kind of her.  My morning started as it has for years, with an early morning text from Amy.  I came in, and Marie had put a Happy Birthday sign on my office door.  And so on. It’s nice to feel the love.  I’m working hard on feeling the love.  I have an issue with my birthday, where nothing ever seems to be enough.  Pathetic, really.  I usually end up getting depressed.  But…I’m fighting it.  I really am!

I had to get my IL driver’s license yesterday.  Ouch. Did not want to do that, but my WA license expired today.  I guess the only good thing about that, is I said my weight was 195.  And just how PATHETIC is that.  That I was happy I pulled that over on the DMV lady.  195.  Something all little girls want to grow up and aspire to….  I can’t even talk about it.  So fucking disgusted with myself.

Okay, fighting off the bday bad mood…  Pandora got crappy, so now have iTunes cranked.  Ah shit…it’s 11:19 A.M.  I’ve got to start working hard on this mood.  I wonder if they would notice if I left work for the rest of the day?  Just like with most of us drones, I’m sure it’d only be when somebody needed something done for them.  But that's what a job is.

Alright, Miss Sunshine is done here.  I’m happy to have made it 41 years.  I’m going to NYC in a month.  I’ve got a fantastic family, and my friends are the best on the planet.  And that’s no fucking lie.

Have a wonderful day!

The 41 year old, 5’9, 195 pounder…..(yeah, right).

Oh, I’ll leave you with some P!nk, as usual.  I know I’ve done this song before.  But I’m so obsessed with her right now.  A good friend and I were recently talking about our love for her, and she referred to P!nk as so “angry.”  Made me think….  I identify so much with what she has to
say, but I don’t consider myself angry. 
Huh….


Screw fear it's contagious
Infecting everything
It makes me do
such stupid,stupid stuff
I say things I never mean
What exactly do I
think
Who am I protecting
If I fall and I blow up in my face
That's
just crazy

I'm delicate, I'm sensitive
Please try to be more
careful
You're mean , you're a lunatic
Let's try to make this fun
again

It's only love giving it away
(It's only love)
You probably
get it back again
(It's only love)
It's simple as a silly thing
You're
away like a boomerang
I wish we all could lie in love
It's only love not a
timebomb
Bomb x6

I'm tired from last night's fight
I wish I haven't
started it
I hate when my fear speaks for me
It makes me nasty
I
thought we could start again
Go back to the days when we felt like
friends
It's all too serious for me
And I know I'm guilty

Mistakes
are poison that's what I have to define
My dear I'm frozen turned from a
saint to a liar

It's only love giving it away
(It's only love)
You
probably get it back again
(It's only love)
It's simple as a silly
thing
You're away like a boomerang
I wish we all could lie in love
It's
only love not a timebomb
Bomb x6