Never say never, right? Well, shit here I am. I did eventually purchase another site address with another co., but low and behold...I couldn't copy this to the new site. So...I knew I was going to have to go through the whole thing, save it to Word and export. Sounds like a nightmare, right? Exactly. I only did one entry on the other site. I've been thinking a lot about the blog, lately. I'm freaking blessed beyond measure with friends and Brian. I have outlets. I have a couple of friends that I talk to nearly every day. If I need to talk about something, I can do it. But I must confess, that having this blog is really something that's just for me. I hate that I sometimes let outside influences sensor what I want to say. It makes me crazy, but I had the opportunity to do it elsewhere, and I haven't. So, if I'm anything, I'm loyal. And I guess that even goes for this site.
I started writing a book a few months ago. It's coming along, slowly but surely. There are 6 main characters which are followed from the age of 17 leading up to 40. The book centers mostly on Sara and Molly, who have been best friends since they were kids. Sara (recycled my dog's name) is the main character, but it also follows things from Molly's points of view. I've had a good time writing the book, but I'm up against a bit of writers block. I started taking it in a different direction than I'd planned, and I think it was based on my mood. So, I've taken the past couple of weeks off while I figure out how to handle this pivotal moment. Writing this book has really had a powerful affect on me. Writing some scenes have made me laugh out loud, cry, and even get crazy horny. LOL... It's me, after all, so there are a few kinda heavy sex scenes. I swear, I'm a 42 year old woman, who has the mind of a 15 year old boy. Sex always seems to be on my brain. But you know what? I embrace it.
I took a job as a purchasing agent about 50 miles from my house. I've been there about 2 1/2 weeks now. The job situation is just so bad around this little college town we live in. Finding something in town, proved impossible... I was desperate, so I'm glad this came up. On the other hand, I don't care for it.... I really have to find something in town, before I waste too much of the co's time and my time. At least I've confirmed what I thought, when I was looking for a job: it's time for a change. I can say that I'm really glad to have an actual routine, though. When the kids are in school, unemployment, is not kind to me. I'm fat. Really fucking fat. It really hit home with a picture that someone took of me at a relatives birthday party. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. MOFO.... It's gotten way out of hand. I'm equal to my all-time heaviest. Shit. I was doing so good, and then Thanksgiving came and I never quit eating. I eat fucking everything. I drink so much pop, that I think that's what's flowing through my veins. In saying this, you know how hard I am on myself and my weight. This time is a bit different. My self-esteem is much higher than it normally is. I haven't let my weight stop me from seeing people I haven't seen in a while, when it normally would. I even base coached Cal's game last week. Yep, I put myself in the position, where people would see me, and think what is the fat fuck doing out there? But I didn't think about it too much. Also, one of my closest friends is getting married in our hometown over the 4th of July. I have flashes of thinking I won't go, because of my weight. But, most of the time, I'm okay with it. It's not ideal...but I'm trying not to let my weight keep me from living. Well, until a heart attack strikes me down, anyway. So, in a lot of ways, I'm in a really good place.
All of this being said, I have to get a hold on this diet of mine. I've never been this out of control. Food has its grips in my every fold. And I guess when it comes right down to it with this blog, I really, really have the vision of showing successful, inspiring weight loss on here. I'm hoping that because my head's in such a "healthy" place, that I'm ready... This week, Laura and I even started making plans for a Moab trip next year. I'm wanting to be in shape and ready, so I can really enjoy all of the athletic, fun things Moab has to offer.
Oh, a few months ago I went off the antidepressants. I completely acknowledge that I have depression issues, but I don't think the pills were the answer. In a lot of regards, I feel better not taking them. I've also stayed off the anti-anxiety meds. Every once in a great while, I'll take one, if it hits really hard. But, that's a far cry from the 4 I used to take every day. I feel really good about being free from the drugs. I've started seeing a therapist in town here, and she is really fucking good. I'm so glad I've found her. Therapy isn't easy, but I think it's a really healthy thing. I think it would be really healthy for just about everyone.
I hope this day finds you happy and healthy.
I'll leave you with words to my current fave song. Sara B. is a rock star.
Much Love,
Jen
Let the bough break, let it come down crashing
Let the sun fade out to a dark sky
I can't say I'd even notice it was absent
'Cause I could live by the light in your eyes
I'll unfold before you
Would have strung together
The very first words of a lifelong love letter
Tell the world that we finally got it all right
I choose
you
I will become yours and you will become mine
I choose
you
I choose
You, yeah
There was a time when I would have believed them
If they told me that you could not come true
Just love's illusion
But then you found me
And everything changed
And I believe in something again
My whole heart
Will be yours forever
This is a beautiful start
To a lifelong love letter
Tell the world that we finally got it all right
I choose
You
I will become yours and you will become mine
I choose
You
I choose
You
We are not perfect we'll learn from our mistakes
And as long as it takes I will prove my love to you
I am not scared of the elements I am underprepared,
But I am willing
And even better
I get to be the other half of you
Tell the world that we finally got it all right
I choose
You, yeah
I will become yours and you will become mine
I choose
You
I choose
You
I choose
You
Read more: Sara Bareilles - I Choose You Lyrics | MetroLyrics
I started writing a book a few months ago. It's coming along, slowly but surely. There are 6 main characters which are followed from the age of 17 leading up to 40. The book centers mostly on Sara and Molly, who have been best friends since they were kids. Sara (recycled my dog's name) is the main character, but it also follows things from Molly's points of view. I've had a good time writing the book, but I'm up against a bit of writers block. I started taking it in a different direction than I'd planned, and I think it was based on my mood. So, I've taken the past couple of weeks off while I figure out how to handle this pivotal moment. Writing this book has really had a powerful affect on me. Writing some scenes have made me laugh out loud, cry, and even get crazy horny. LOL... It's me, after all, so there are a few kinda heavy sex scenes. I swear, I'm a 42 year old woman, who has the mind of a 15 year old boy. Sex always seems to be on my brain. But you know what? I embrace it.
I took a job as a purchasing agent about 50 miles from my house. I've been there about 2 1/2 weeks now. The job situation is just so bad around this little college town we live in. Finding something in town, proved impossible... I was desperate, so I'm glad this came up. On the other hand, I don't care for it.... I really have to find something in town, before I waste too much of the co's time and my time. At least I've confirmed what I thought, when I was looking for a job: it's time for a change. I can say that I'm really glad to have an actual routine, though. When the kids are in school, unemployment, is not kind to me. I'm fat. Really fucking fat. It really hit home with a picture that someone took of me at a relatives birthday party. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. MOFO.... It's gotten way out of hand. I'm equal to my all-time heaviest. Shit. I was doing so good, and then Thanksgiving came and I never quit eating. I eat fucking everything. I drink so much pop, that I think that's what's flowing through my veins. In saying this, you know how hard I am on myself and my weight. This time is a bit different. My self-esteem is much higher than it normally is. I haven't let my weight stop me from seeing people I haven't seen in a while, when it normally would. I even base coached Cal's game last week. Yep, I put myself in the position, where people would see me, and think what is the fat fuck doing out there? But I didn't think about it too much. Also, one of my closest friends is getting married in our hometown over the 4th of July. I have flashes of thinking I won't go, because of my weight. But, most of the time, I'm okay with it. It's not ideal...but I'm trying not to let my weight keep me from living. Well, until a heart attack strikes me down, anyway. So, in a lot of ways, I'm in a really good place.
All of this being said, I have to get a hold on this diet of mine. I've never been this out of control. Food has its grips in my every fold. And I guess when it comes right down to it with this blog, I really, really have the vision of showing successful, inspiring weight loss on here. I'm hoping that because my head's in such a "healthy" place, that I'm ready... This week, Laura and I even started making plans for a Moab trip next year. I'm wanting to be in shape and ready, so I can really enjoy all of the athletic, fun things Moab has to offer.
Oh, a few months ago I went off the antidepressants. I completely acknowledge that I have depression issues, but I don't think the pills were the answer. In a lot of regards, I feel better not taking them. I've also stayed off the anti-anxiety meds. Every once in a great while, I'll take one, if it hits really hard. But, that's a far cry from the 4 I used to take every day. I feel really good about being free from the drugs. I've started seeing a therapist in town here, and she is really fucking good. I'm so glad I've found her. Therapy isn't easy, but I think it's a really healthy thing. I think it would be really healthy for just about everyone.
I hope this day finds you happy and healthy.
I'll leave you with words to my current fave song. Sara B. is a rock star.
Much Love,
Jen
Let the bough break, let it come down crashing
Let the sun fade out to a dark sky
I can't say I'd even notice it was absent
'Cause I could live by the light in your eyes
I'll unfold before you
Would have strung together
The very first words of a lifelong love letter
Tell the world that we finally got it all right
I choose
you
I will become yours and you will become mine
I choose
you
I choose
You, yeah
There was a time when I would have believed them
If they told me that you could not come true
Just love's illusion
But then you found me
And everything changed
And I believe in something again
My whole heart
Will be yours forever
This is a beautiful start
To a lifelong love letter
Tell the world that we finally got it all right
I choose
You
I will become yours and you will become mine
I choose
You
I choose
You
We are not perfect we'll learn from our mistakes
And as long as it takes I will prove my love to you
I am not scared of the elements I am underprepared,
But I am willing
And even better
I get to be the other half of you
Tell the world that we finally got it all right
I choose
You, yeah
I will become yours and you will become mine
I choose
You
I choose
You
I choose
You
Read more: Sara Bareilles - I Choose You Lyrics | MetroLyrics
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