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Diariesofafatass.com

21 years later

6/19/2013

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Life continues to move at a super hectic pace.  The weekend was really a nice break, though.  We didn't have any games and just one baseball practice.  We spent the weekend around the house just hanging out together. For Father's Day, we made Brian a nice breakfast.  It was simple, but it was as nice as can be.  The weather also worked out for us.  The sun makes all the difference!

It's only "hump day," but this week has been insane.  Monday was Brian and my 18th wedding anniversary (21 years together). We weren't able to do
anything, as Ryne had a double header.  We were at the ball fields for over 5 hours.  Boy, was Caleb happy....not.  Last night Cal had a double header, but thankfully his games don't last as long. You couldn't tell by how put our Ryne was by being there, though.  haha. That kid.

Work has continued to kick my ass.  The anxiety the job can give me is tremendous.  I can't wait to look back on this time and think, gee, how was it ever that bad.  That may come via me getting more comfortable, or by moving on.  Either way, there has to be light at the end of the tunnel.  I had so much anxiety before work on Monday morning that I actually puked a little before
the drive.  Sucks...

As I said, our anniversary was a couple of weeks ago.  Having a milestone such as an event like this one, really makes me think about the marriage as a whole. 
I've also thought a lot about my wedding and the time leading up to it, too.  I know I'm not the easiest person to live with. Good God do I know this, but Brian has done an awesome job of standing by me whatever storm might be passing in this stupid head of mine.  There's nobody on this earth that loves
me more unconditionally, that's for certain. 21 years later, I still can freak myself out by thinking about "forever."  But on the other hand, I never see a future without him. He is my future.  He is the biggest part of my life.  The best
thing I've ever done, is marry the guy.  For real.  Brian is a great guy, friend, husband, and father.  I'm lucky to have the whole package with him.

We are still waiting on our "news."....  Dear God, we better have an answer this
week.  On another note, it does appear that the house actually did sell this time. Supposedly the bank the accepted the offer, but we are still waiting on
the acceptance letter from the bank.  I have some really mixed emotions about it all. It's way beyond time.  I'm  certainly ready to put this chapter behind us. On the other hand, the timing may totally suck....  If you live in the Vancouver area, don't be surprised if we have to call and ask for help
moving....  I'm not good at asking for help, but we may have to.

When I powered up the laptop to write this, I saw that James Gandolfini
died at age 51.  Crazy, but not so crazy.  I know what the bad eating does to your heart.  I swear, I'm worried it's going to happen to me.  Very worried...  I have got to get this under control.

I hope this over the hump day, finds you all well.

I'll leave you with the song from our wedding, 18 years ago.


Much Love,


Jen



I like the feel of your name on my lips
And I like
the sound of your sweet gentle kiss
The way that your fingers run through my
hair
And how your scent lingers even when you're not there

And I
like the way your eyes dance when you laugh
And how you enjoy your two hour
bath
And how you convinced me to dance in the rain
With everyone
watching like we were insane

But I love the way you love me
Strong
and wild
Slow and easy
Heart and soul
So completely
I love the
way you love me

I like to imitate old Jerry Lee
And watch you roll
your eyes when I'm slightly off key
And I like the innocent way that you
cry
At sappy old movies you've seen hundreds of times

But I love the
way you love me
Strong and wild
Slow and easy
Heart and soul
So
completely
I love the way you love me

And I could list a million
things
I love to like about you
But they all come down to one reason

  I could never live without you

I love the way you love me
Strong
and wild
Slow and easy
Heart and soul
So completely
I love the
way you love me
Oh baby I love the way you love me

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    Jen

    Age 47
    Married 24 years
    2 boys, 18 & 15
    email: diariesofafatass@gmail.com


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