It has been quite the week leading up to today's weigh in. It has been the kind of week that could have gone a lot of directions. I knew this, and I kept a close eye on everything I ate. Anxiety has swallowed me whole this week. I have been unable to deal with something, and I have let it kick my ass. I can't remember the last time I had anxiety for this many days in a row. This time, it has gone between my chest and stomach. Having it in my stomach is definitely not my norm. I have always been someone who gains weight when dealing with emotional situations. I've found comfort from food for most of my adult life. It's a conscious thing. Food would soothe me, and I love the feeling of being full. People always talk about the guilt they would feel after emotional eating. I rarely had it. I was just glad trusty food was there to do its job. So, here I am...unable to use my trusted coping mechanism this time around. I've had my moments of hiding under the covers, getting lost in t.v., making myself unavailable, but for each of those moments-I've balanced myself out. When binge watching t.v., I would get up and work on projects during the commercials (paused t.v.). I worked on something in the basement that required me to make many trips up and down the stairs. I went to dinner with a friend, when all I wanted was to be alone. I was glad I did. When I felt like I could go to sleep as soon as I got home on Monday, I walked Jesse and hit 11,000 steps. I then went to my first aqua aerobics class (more on that later...). I thought about running to food many times this week, but I refuse to let food beat me. I can't control some of the feeling I'm going through right now, but I can control what I eat. I have eaten 3 meals everyday, but I have often forgotten my snack (which is nearly unimaginable to me). Sometimes the anxiety makes me feel sick to my stomach, and food sounds unappealing to me. Still, I had my meals. I made sure to have my smoothie (or if no time-banana) for breakfast. I've had a salad with each lunch, and I've gone high fiber at dinner. I haven't had any wine since my trip. I'm explaining all of this so you know that I'm aware of how my 5 lb 4 oz weight loss came about. It's about a pound higher than any of my other weigh-ins, since I started weighing in weekly, 17 weeks ago. I'm at 41 pounds lost in those 17 weeks. So, I was quite surprised by my loss this week, but I will gladly take it. I have gained weight due to emotional things for far too long. The cycle needed to break. It's been an intersting 17 weeks for a lot of reasons. The first week, things happened that I couldn't make up if I tried. True WTF stuff. Instead of giving up, I begrudgingly kept going. I didn't feel really ready to start at the time, either. I'm sharing this all with you, because I want you to know-you can start anytime. Even if you're shaken and dealing with anxiety-you can start. I'd rather be this way, losing weight, than gaining.
I went so far out of my comfort zone in doing the aqua aerobics class. First, I certainly don't want to be in a swimsuit in front of anyone. Secondly, I was nervous....I haven't done any sort of class in a very long time. I was super fortunate in that I met another gal there at the beginning of the class. It was her first one, too, and she was also feeling out of her element. She is in weight loss mode, and is down 40 pounds. I feel good about going through the class with her. Anyway, my plan was just to put on my sweatshirt and sweat capris over my suit when we were done, since I don't have a far drive home. My suit was awfully wet, so I decided to go without underwear or bra and just throw on my sweatshirt and sweats. The sweatshirt is probably 15 years old, but it's one of my favorites. One of my friend's even fixed the zipper for me a few years ago. Anyway, my new friend and I walked out together (she had also decided to go braless and we laughed about how silly we were). We passed one woman who kind of gave a weird look. We stopped and talked to another who had taken the class, on our way out. We were nearly to the doors to get out, when I looked down and noticed the zipper on the sweatshirt had split and was only zipped in one small area. Thankfully, it was in the boob area, but the sweatshirt was showing all of my stomach and upper area....yeah...that happened. The new friend couldn't quit laughing. Of all the luck! I text a pic of it to the bff when I got home and she died laughing. Anyway, tonight I'll wear a hoodie. No more zip ups!
I hope this night finds you well. If you're struggling right now, just know it will get better. I know it will. I know it will for myself, too. I'm off to take my mind off of things, and at the same time, get in a workout. Happy Hump Day!
Jen
I went so far out of my comfort zone in doing the aqua aerobics class. First, I certainly don't want to be in a swimsuit in front of anyone. Secondly, I was nervous....I haven't done any sort of class in a very long time. I was super fortunate in that I met another gal there at the beginning of the class. It was her first one, too, and she was also feeling out of her element. She is in weight loss mode, and is down 40 pounds. I feel good about going through the class with her. Anyway, my plan was just to put on my sweatshirt and sweat capris over my suit when we were done, since I don't have a far drive home. My suit was awfully wet, so I decided to go without underwear or bra and just throw on my sweatshirt and sweats. The sweatshirt is probably 15 years old, but it's one of my favorites. One of my friend's even fixed the zipper for me a few years ago. Anyway, my new friend and I walked out together (she had also decided to go braless and we laughed about how silly we were). We passed one woman who kind of gave a weird look. We stopped and talked to another who had taken the class, on our way out. We were nearly to the doors to get out, when I looked down and noticed the zipper on the sweatshirt had split and was only zipped in one small area. Thankfully, it was in the boob area, but the sweatshirt was showing all of my stomach and upper area....yeah...that happened. The new friend couldn't quit laughing. Of all the luck! I text a pic of it to the bff when I got home and she died laughing. Anyway, tonight I'll wear a hoodie. No more zip ups!
I hope this night finds you well. If you're struggling right now, just know it will get better. I know it will. I know it will for myself, too. I'm off to take my mind off of things, and at the same time, get in a workout. Happy Hump Day!
Jen
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