emotionally it hasn’t been my easiest 10 day period of time. But I’ve kept my focus on what matters most: my health. Yesterday was kind of a crappy day, and I knew that I’d had that egg white sandwich (on flatbread none-the-less) for lunch, so I drank a green juice for dinner. When I got hungry later in the evening, I had a 100 cal. Hummus pack with carrots. Also, instead of opening a bottle of wine, like I wanted to in the worst way…I let my aggression out via a
1 ½ hour walk. For me, these were big changes. Feels good to know that I’m able to establish some control in my life.
This morning I had Caleb’s I.E.P. Man, I hate those things with a passion…. They can be so draining. Especially in a new school, since you’re starting from pregnancy to now. I had to go through every type of therapy he’s been through, what ages, etc. Caleb is doing so well in so many ways. I’m so proud of him.
Learning doesn’t come easily to him, but he works hard. I’m sure much harder than I’ll ever realize in order for him to do what so many of us all take for granted. Cal’s cognitive scores were of great concern to me, 4th percentile, etc. in different areas. When he learns things, it takes him a while for it to register.
He probably has to go over it in his head a bunch of different times. So, his short term learning abilities aren’t strong, but his long term are. Even though some of his scores were so off base, Cal still didn’t qualify in some areas that he needs an extra set of eyes. He doesn’t need a one to one. I don’t want that for
him. But I want him to have someone making sure he isn’t falling through the cracks. It would be easy for this kid to do. So, the school asked if they could
change his I.E.P. from “Autism Diagnosis” to social work and speech services
only. I wouldn’t let them do it. Caleb has come so far, because of the services, because there are extra sets of eyes on him. Why would I take that away from him? I told them I didn’t move to their school district, so that my son would lose services. Being an advocate is not an easy thing for me. I hate confrontation in the worst way (although confrontation is really a strong word, but I mean having to be firm about what best for him). In a perfect world, I wouldn’t have to do that, but it’s just the way it is. I’ve been through this song
and dance for 6 years now. Caleb will be in the gen ed classroom 97% of the time, which is what we want. The more he’s in the regular classroom, the better. Just like anyone else that has a kid with special needs, you just want them to have a regular childhood. Anyway, after a draining night, and now draining morning, I’m left feeling a little spent. But things could always be worse. And we are so fortunate for Cal to have come as far as he has. He really
is a likeable kid and special in a million different ways. I’m so proud to be his
Mom.
Oh, so today’s song is “Stupid Girl” by Garbage. While the lyrics don’t really fit with how I’m feeling. Yesterday, I was left feeling stupid…very stupid. So, this is for me.
I hope this day is finding you all well (and feeling healthy). Miss you guys,
Jen
Food:
7:00 Smoothie (water, flax seed, banana, spinach, frozen strawberries)
8:30 Iced Tea
10:45 Hot tea
12:15
Tomato Bisque (see recipe) and a kale, romaine, and baby romaine mix salad w/ lite honey mustard dressing (lunch, is the picture at the top of this post), Sparkling Water
2:45 Fruit salad (strawberries, banana, grapes)
4:00 Small handfull of raw almonds
5:15 Glass of green juice
7:00 Bowl of SW Bean soup (see recipe)
Exercise:
1 hour and 5 mins walk
Lots of cleaning and laundry
"Stupid Girl"
You pretend you're high
You pretend you're bored
You pretend
you're anything
Just to be adored
And what you need
Is what you get
Don't believe in fear
Don't believe in faith
Don't believe in
anything
That you can't break
You stupid girl
You stupid girl
All you had you wasted
All you had you wasted
What drives you on
(What drives you on)
Can drive you mad (Can drive you mad)
A million
lies to sell yourself
Is all you ever had
Don't believe in love
Don't believe in hate
Don't believe in anything
That you can't waste
You stupid girl
You stupid girl
Can't believe you fake it
Can't believe you fake it
Don't believe in fear
Don't believe in
pain
Don't believe in anyone
That you can't tame
You stupid girl
You stupid girl
All you had you wasted
All you had you wasted
You stupid girl
You stupid girl
Can't believe you fake it
Can't
believe you fake it
You stupid girl
You stupid girl
Can't
believe you fake it
Can't believe you fake it
You stupid
girl.