gross. I’ve mentioned before how there’s always fresh baked goods around here. Of course this morning, I came in to find cupcakes in the break room, just a few feet from my office. Oh, how I wanted them. But I don’t even know that I want to taste them. I just want in inhale them! So, I did the smartest thing I could think of to make the cravings go away. I ate a bowl of veggie
chili. Yes, at 8:30 a.m. I ate chili…. And you know what, it made my mouth taste like shit, like I knew it would. Now, the sweets aren’t calling out my
name. So, despite my mini breakdown, I’m happy with the decision I made. Nothing wrong w/ chili, at all. Well, except that my office now probably stinks, and the guys were looking at me like I was crazy. But I’ll tell you what, if those guys can eat CUPCAKES that early in the morning, I can eat some fucking chili.
Well, I’m doing my best to work through my mood :) Ladies, you know how it is though…it’s all encompassing. But I’m listening to some good music, and thinking about an awesome phone convo I had w/ a great friend yesterday. Some people are so freaking easy to talk to. I know that whatever I say to Jo will not be shocking, sound crazy, or make her think differently of me, no matter what our topic of conversation is. She’s always right there 100% with me. As we’ve always said, we’re soul sisters. She fucking rocks. I just wish she knew how great she is.
I didn’t get near the sleep I wanted last night. I’m fine with the time zone
change out here, except when it comes to football. Growing up, I woke up to football at 9 a.m. (in AK), and then the rest of my adult life it started at 10 (in WA). Here it starts at noon, which is fine, but the night games start so late. I was so excited to watch my man Peyton play last night. The game didn’t start until 7:30, and I was still finishing up with changing everyone’s bedding, so I couldn’t sit down until 7:45. I was so excited to have a couple of cold beers while watching the game, but by that time, I’m like….geesh, it’s too late. I can’t start drinking now. What a bummer. My favorite saying: sucks to be a grown up. Anyway, what an awesome, awesome game. Peyton’s back on the list baby! One of my co-workers came in this morning, and I told him Peyton was back on, and he said did he fall off when his neck was hurt. I said, yes, because I’m a hair puller. Lmao. Is that crossing the line? Trust me, if there’s a line to cross, I’ll cross it (of course only in innocent ways)!
So, now Billie Jean is playing, and helping my mood shift. I’ve always loved M.J.’s music, even when it was incredibly uncool to love it. He was the man. It’s a shame, I’ll never get the chance to see him in concert.
Oh, so this blog is about weight…. I must tell you, while I’ve been doing fairly well on the eating, I’ve been having lots of mental battles. I’m seeing it…I’m seeing the fat…I’m feeling the fat…. As a fatty, we go through long periods of time without acknowledging it’s there. It’s easy to pretend it’s not that bad, or to tell ourselves that we look good one day or feel good, when in all actuality…I’m fat. Not just fat. Obese…. I’m getting overwhelmed by how far I have to go. So, I’m just trying to focus on this first 10 lbs. I guess that’s all I can do.
I’m struggling w/ that fine line between not beating myself up over little slips, and knowing that I can’t afford to slip. That I have a serious weight issue, and I need to treat it with the dose of seriousness that it needs. The other day, my friend came to watch Ryno’s football game with us. I was so excited that she cared enough about me and my kid to come out and watch the game. We were
sitting next to each other and I looked down at my legs as I was sitting on the
bleachers and then looked at hers. I got it…. I saw it…. I saw my huge legs, and her great legs. I’ve never been one to compare my weight w/ others, but it was heart breaking to me. It was such a reality. Long way to go. And the relality, that this is what other see, too. No fooling anyone.... Long road ahead. Lots of keeping my head on straight. But here I am, once again, taking one day at a time. I’m so determined to get there one day…..
So, we’ve all heard Escape (Pina Colada song), and we can probably all agree that it rocks. Although, we certainly don’t hear it every day. But it’s fun, and I
thought I’d add the lyrics. Hopefully it takes you to a happy place. (Oh yeah!
Air Supply is on!) Whoot whoot.
Have a great day (hopefully no P.M.S. for you)
7:00 Smoothie (water, flax seed, spinach, frozen blueberries, banana)
8:30 Can of veggie chili and a 20 oz. Diet Dr. Pepper
I was tired of my lady, we'd been together too long.
Like a worn-out
recording, of a favorite song.
So while she lay there sleeping, I read the
paper in bed.
And in the personals column, there was this letter I read:
"If you like Pina Coladas, and getting caught in the rain.
If you're not
into yoga, if you have half-a-brain.
If you like making love at midnight, in
the dunes of the cape.
I'm the lady you've looked for, write to me, and
I didn't think about my lady, I know that sounds kind of
But me and my old lady, had fallen into the same old dull routine.
So I wrote to the paper, took out a personal ad.
And though I'm nobody's
poet, I thought it wasn't half-bad.
"Yes, I like Pina Coladas, and
getting caught in the rain.
I'm not much into health food, I am into
I've got to meet you by tomorrow noon, and cut through all this
At a bar called O'Malley's, where we'll plan our escape."
I waited with high hopes, then she walked in the place.
I knew her smile in
an instant, I knew the curve of her face.
It was my own lovely lady, and she
said, "Oh, it's you."
And we laughed for a moment, and I said, "I never
"That you liked Pina Coladas, and getting caught in the rain.
And the feel of the ocean, and the taste of champagne.
If you like making
love at midnight, in the dunes of the cape.
You're the love that I've looked
for, come with me, and escape."
"If you like Pina Coladas, and getting
caught in the rain.
If you're not into yoga, if you have half-a-brain.
you like making love at midnight, in the dunes of the cape.
You're the love
that I've looked for, come with me, and