It's been a few days since I've been on here, but you know how crazy things have been lately.
First: the house situation. We made an offer on a house that we really like, although it's definitely overpriced for what it is. We offered $100 less a month, than they are listing it though the realtor for. I waited on pins and needles all day Friday, to finally hear back about 6 that night, that they would split the difference with us. Really, it's still too much money, but it's a house we could be very happy in, and it's close to the schools and a beautiful park. I accepted the price but then came back with, allowing us to move in mid-July, since we'd already commited through July in this house. The boys will still be in baseball, and it's an awful lot of cash to be coming up with at once. I thought it was very fair. I think we would be the type of ppl that somebody would want to rent to. But now, I haven't heard boo back from the realtor. It's now Sunday morning, and she has not gotten back to me since Friday night. F'ing pissed.... So, we will have to drive all the way out to Byron today, to look at some damn house on a working grain farm, because the realtor won't get back to me. BTW, ppl not getting back to me is a HUGE pet peeve for me. In my working life, I am very upfront in what I expect as far as communication and am successful, apparently, even though I'm treating this house deal as a work project, the realtor could give a shit. So, right now, I don't know if I have a house, don't have a house, am moving in 2 weeks, 4 weeks, or not at all. No fucking stress there.
Little League has been keeping us all very busy. It seems like there's something nearly every night of the week. Fri night Cal had a 5:30 game, when Ryne's game wasn't until 8. After Ryne's game I got ahold of Suzi (the bar manager that I used to do things with occasionally). She said she was working and that it was pretty dead. I figured since she didn't know that we were going to be moving that I would drop in and fill her in. I don't know why, but I hadn't seen her since our Christmas party. She's super nice, but I just quit meeting up with them, and stuff. I did that with everyone that I was friendly with. I'm not sure why. Maybe it's because my time feels spread so thin a lot of the time, or if it's because nothing was really as I was hoping for. None of the friendships were like my other friends, which is what I'm desperately craving. I haven't been going to church lately (I guess I got tired of hearing how those that didn't give themselves completely to Jesus were not going to heaven, or going to hell). In my mind, that's not the way I believe it to be. I think God loves us all, and really he just wants us to lead good lives. Brian is not a big believer, so I became resentful at hearing the threats against those who weren't dropping everything for Jesus. Brian will be in heaven with me. And I guess, I owe an explination to my friend that's married to the pastor. I really do like her. We have so much in common. We did things together outside of the church. I declined the past few times she's invited me to something and even still owe her a response to a "Are you okay?" text that she sent me a couple of months ago. I just didn't know how to answer. I'll tell you what, though. One of the members continues to send me her church program every week, complete with notes and all, though.....
So now having talked about the friendship situation here, I can tell you that work has really afforded me some awesome opportunities to meet cool ppl. There's only about 60 ppl that work there, mostly men, but most of the ppl are so genuinely cool. Although, I must say for the size of the co., there's way too much drama always going on. But anyway, there's this gal Stephanie that works in another building. She's in her late 20's and is very self sufficient. Everyone seems really intimidated by her, and I love a challenge, so when we were out one night after work, I told her she was going to be my work bff. And we've really kept the gig going. It's pretty funny. She already knows that I'm demanding of my bff's but that I'm worth it. lol We've had so much fun with it. Yesterday at the ball field, while she was eating a bratt, I told her she was going to need to give up meat. lmao. Then a co-workers wife got in on it and said she was jealous, because I should be her bff. We all had a lot of fun with it, and probably for the first time in my life someone was jealous (even if it was all only fun and games :) of my relationships. Brian is the least jealous person you could ever meet.
Well, I'm picking up where I left off yesterday. The day got crazy and couldn't get back to it. Yesterday was Brian and my 20th anniversary of being together (and 17 yr wedding anniversary). It's so crazy to think 20 years... I don't feel like I'm old enough to have been with someone that long. It's now been half my life, and my whole adult life. I'll be the first to admit that marriage isn't easy. In fact, there are many times it can be very, very hard. There have been a couple of times during our time together that I wasn't sure that we'd make it through. But I'm so very glad we have. He'll be my one and only husband. I sitll get overwhelmed by the "'til death do you part," sometimes, but I know it's just me and how I am beyond a commitment phobe. I overthink everything in my life. But the one thing that can be easier than anything in the world, is when it's just Brian and I by ourselves for any amount of time. He's the one person I want to spend my time with. (Although there are a couple I wouldn't mind going on an 8 day, 7 night cruise with-LMAO....sorry, inside joke). He tells me several times a week, that he loves me more today, then when he married me. I'm the shit that doesn't say it a lot, but I feel exactly the same way. There's no doubt that I love him more than when I met him, moved in with him, married him, had our 10 year anniversary, had our kids, etc. Our love has always been there and its done a great job of maturing, as we have, well "mature," might be a poor choice of words :)
So, we spent our anniversary by going out to Byron and just driving around. We also looked at another house, but it was beyond a piece of shit. It was a beautiful day, so we took it in, and then stopped in at some neat looking saloon. The vibe was so cool in there, and the food was excellent. Even though it was only a few hours, it was nice to have some time to ourselves.
It was also Father's Day and the boys made him a neat picture arrangement. Brian is a great day. He's most certainly the "fun" parent." But for the most part, we made the day about our anniversary. Brian's dad left when he was little and he hasn't seen him since he was 10 or so. I haven't spoken to the man I called "Dad" in 6 years. It was a decision that had to be made. It was when I was going through all of Caleb's testing, etc., and I just had to give in to the fact, that having him in my life caused me too much stress. I came to that conclusion about a year after Nealy had. I've never met my biological father. In fact, I think it was only about a year and a half ago that I learned his name. I've made a couple of half hearted attemps to find him, but I don't know if he got the email, or if was even the right guy. I would be curious to see a picture of him and his, I believe 3 kids. I really don't think I'd want more than that. Everyone has their reasons for why they handle things the way they do, but when it comes to kids, I'll never, ever understand how a parent can walk away without a fight. When I was much younger, I used to think it was because I was so ugly.... That's me, blaming myself. Of course I know better now. It just would've been cool to have a father growing up. I guess he was quite the athlete. We surely could've bonded over sports. Like I said, I'm just really curious to see what he looks like, as I hear I look just like him. But I also really want to know the medical history from that side. Maybe it could help put some of Cal's pieces together.
Alright, I'll get back to my p.m.s. It's been my constant companion the past couple of days.
Hope you're all well.
p.s. My diet sucks.
First: the house situation. We made an offer on a house that we really like, although it's definitely overpriced for what it is. We offered $100 less a month, than they are listing it though the realtor for. I waited on pins and needles all day Friday, to finally hear back about 6 that night, that they would split the difference with us. Really, it's still too much money, but it's a house we could be very happy in, and it's close to the schools and a beautiful park. I accepted the price but then came back with, allowing us to move in mid-July, since we'd already commited through July in this house. The boys will still be in baseball, and it's an awful lot of cash to be coming up with at once. I thought it was very fair. I think we would be the type of ppl that somebody would want to rent to. But now, I haven't heard boo back from the realtor. It's now Sunday morning, and she has not gotten back to me since Friday night. F'ing pissed.... So, we will have to drive all the way out to Byron today, to look at some damn house on a working grain farm, because the realtor won't get back to me. BTW, ppl not getting back to me is a HUGE pet peeve for me. In my working life, I am very upfront in what I expect as far as communication and am successful, apparently, even though I'm treating this house deal as a work project, the realtor could give a shit. So, right now, I don't know if I have a house, don't have a house, am moving in 2 weeks, 4 weeks, or not at all. No fucking stress there.
Little League has been keeping us all very busy. It seems like there's something nearly every night of the week. Fri night Cal had a 5:30 game, when Ryne's game wasn't until 8. After Ryne's game I got ahold of Suzi (the bar manager that I used to do things with occasionally). She said she was working and that it was pretty dead. I figured since she didn't know that we were going to be moving that I would drop in and fill her in. I don't know why, but I hadn't seen her since our Christmas party. She's super nice, but I just quit meeting up with them, and stuff. I did that with everyone that I was friendly with. I'm not sure why. Maybe it's because my time feels spread so thin a lot of the time, or if it's because nothing was really as I was hoping for. None of the friendships were like my other friends, which is what I'm desperately craving. I haven't been going to church lately (I guess I got tired of hearing how those that didn't give themselves completely to Jesus were not going to heaven, or going to hell). In my mind, that's not the way I believe it to be. I think God loves us all, and really he just wants us to lead good lives. Brian is not a big believer, so I became resentful at hearing the threats against those who weren't dropping everything for Jesus. Brian will be in heaven with me. And I guess, I owe an explination to my friend that's married to the pastor. I really do like her. We have so much in common. We did things together outside of the church. I declined the past few times she's invited me to something and even still owe her a response to a "Are you okay?" text that she sent me a couple of months ago. I just didn't know how to answer. I'll tell you what, though. One of the members continues to send me her church program every week, complete with notes and all, though.....
So now having talked about the friendship situation here, I can tell you that work has really afforded me some awesome opportunities to meet cool ppl. There's only about 60 ppl that work there, mostly men, but most of the ppl are so genuinely cool. Although, I must say for the size of the co., there's way too much drama always going on. But anyway, there's this gal Stephanie that works in another building. She's in her late 20's and is very self sufficient. Everyone seems really intimidated by her, and I love a challenge, so when we were out one night after work, I told her she was going to be my work bff. And we've really kept the gig going. It's pretty funny. She already knows that I'm demanding of my bff's but that I'm worth it. lol We've had so much fun with it. Yesterday at the ball field, while she was eating a bratt, I told her she was going to need to give up meat. lmao. Then a co-workers wife got in on it and said she was jealous, because I should be her bff. We all had a lot of fun with it, and probably for the first time in my life someone was jealous (even if it was all only fun and games :) of my relationships. Brian is the least jealous person you could ever meet.
Well, I'm picking up where I left off yesterday. The day got crazy and couldn't get back to it. Yesterday was Brian and my 20th anniversary of being together (and 17 yr wedding anniversary). It's so crazy to think 20 years... I don't feel like I'm old enough to have been with someone that long. It's now been half my life, and my whole adult life. I'll be the first to admit that marriage isn't easy. In fact, there are many times it can be very, very hard. There have been a couple of times during our time together that I wasn't sure that we'd make it through. But I'm so very glad we have. He'll be my one and only husband. I sitll get overwhelmed by the "'til death do you part," sometimes, but I know it's just me and how I am beyond a commitment phobe. I overthink everything in my life. But the one thing that can be easier than anything in the world, is when it's just Brian and I by ourselves for any amount of time. He's the one person I want to spend my time with. (Although there are a couple I wouldn't mind going on an 8 day, 7 night cruise with-LMAO....sorry, inside joke). He tells me several times a week, that he loves me more today, then when he married me. I'm the shit that doesn't say it a lot, but I feel exactly the same way. There's no doubt that I love him more than when I met him, moved in with him, married him, had our 10 year anniversary, had our kids, etc. Our love has always been there and its done a great job of maturing, as we have, well "mature," might be a poor choice of words :)
So, we spent our anniversary by going out to Byron and just driving around. We also looked at another house, but it was beyond a piece of shit. It was a beautiful day, so we took it in, and then stopped in at some neat looking saloon. The vibe was so cool in there, and the food was excellent. Even though it was only a few hours, it was nice to have some time to ourselves.
It was also Father's Day and the boys made him a neat picture arrangement. Brian is a great day. He's most certainly the "fun" parent." But for the most part, we made the day about our anniversary. Brian's dad left when he was little and he hasn't seen him since he was 10 or so. I haven't spoken to the man I called "Dad" in 6 years. It was a decision that had to be made. It was when I was going through all of Caleb's testing, etc., and I just had to give in to the fact, that having him in my life caused me too much stress. I came to that conclusion about a year after Nealy had. I've never met my biological father. In fact, I think it was only about a year and a half ago that I learned his name. I've made a couple of half hearted attemps to find him, but I don't know if he got the email, or if was even the right guy. I would be curious to see a picture of him and his, I believe 3 kids. I really don't think I'd want more than that. Everyone has their reasons for why they handle things the way they do, but when it comes to kids, I'll never, ever understand how a parent can walk away without a fight. When I was much younger, I used to think it was because I was so ugly.... That's me, blaming myself. Of course I know better now. It just would've been cool to have a father growing up. I guess he was quite the athlete. We surely could've bonded over sports. Like I said, I'm just really curious to see what he looks like, as I hear I look just like him. But I also really want to know the medical history from that side. Maybe it could help put some of Cal's pieces together.
Alright, I'll get back to my p.m.s. It's been my constant companion the past couple of days.
Hope you're all well.
p.s. My diet sucks.
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