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Diariesofafatass.com

Apparently no longer too tired....

7/18/2012

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Can you come out and play, huh, huh, huh?  I can’t hear you?  Can you…..huh, huh, huh?  I get so amped up at work sometimes that’s exactly what I feel like. 
That’s how I feel today.  I feel like the little kid wanting the neighborhood kids to come out and roam the creeks and tree houses with me.  (Yes, I was/still am a full on tomboy).  I guess that’s how I’ve always identified this feeling when I can’t keep still and need to be entertained.  But I guess it can also be likened to
how a dog feels, when he sees his owner and starts running around in circles in anticipation of getting to play. Unfortunately, I’m a 40 y/o professional (and I use that term loosely), that’s trapped in an office.  I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve gotten up today.  I’ve been on fb, I text my friend, talked to the guys, anything that keeps me from work. WTH.  It’s been a horrible couple of weeks here, and I finally have the opportunity to breathe.  I’m going to enjoy it a bit.  But unfortunately not as much as I like, all my PIC’s (those “neighborhood kids” that I usually chat with during the day are busy.  It’s killing me.  Maybe there is something to my cousin swearing that I have ADD?  Haha.  I really don’t feel like this all the time, but it’s enough that it doesn’t surprise me when it happens (at least once a week). 

I’m actually in a really good mood today.  Can you tell? I know, I mask my feelings so well! It’s really shocking since I woke up at 3:30 and couldn’t get back to sleep.  I actually came into work ½ hour early.  That rarely happens.  I stay late, but c’mon…not a morning person.  Yesterday, late afternoon, and evening must’ve rolled over into today. I’ll take it.  After the nightmare first 7 hours of my work day yesterday, I had a great chat w/ an awesome friend.  It’s
great, because she totally gets the whole “can you come out and play?” feeling. Plus, we grew up together so we can actually talk about those specific monkey bars, etc.  When I got home from work, the family wasn’t home, yet. 
Usually that’s “my time.”  I used to love it, but now I get awfully sad. It’s too quiet.  I miss my dogs in the worst way….  But H.P. called and totally turned me back around.  We do the same type of work and have worked together, so she was a great person to talk to about everything that’s going on around here.  Plus, she makes me laugh until I cry nearly every time we talk.  Literally.  That’s a rare thing for me, so I’m so appreciative to have her in my life.  Then, the moving “dry spell” was ended in lots of different ways.  Haha. That should actually be a sinister laugh.  Holy smokes I love that man of mine.

My plan for my diet this week has been to start to get myself off of the Pepsi.  I
only had one yesterday (but also 2 Diets).  It’s the way I get myself off the sugar
and then I’ll start to wean myself off the pop all together, once again, next week.  I’ve also had smoothies each day and watermelon. Today I’ll add a green drink.  I’m not eating real well, but I’m starting to add the good stuff to my shitty diet.  Hopefully come Monday I’ll be able to rock and roll.  I now only have 38 days to lose 20 lbs.  Now, I’m a realist…  It’s most likely not going to happen.  I really would rather not wear that bikini in the bar…plus, I have a surprise to go w/ it to make it extra hideous.  So, although I would do nearly anything, at my own expense to make my friends laugh, this is something I really don’t want to do…  So, for my health first, I’ve got to get my crap together.  And so that my friend can look at me without seeing my horrible thunder thighs for the rest of our lives, I’ve got to try.

Well, I guess I should get to work…begrudgingly.  Hopefully my friends will want to come out and play soon enough!

So, today’s song is by Pink. H.P. and I talked about her quite a bit last night.  I adore her. There are very few songs of hers I don’t like.  “Funhouse” is easily in my top 5 of all time c.d.’s. So, for no other reason, other than her brilliance, and that I love this song: Glitter in the Air, it is.  I love the line, “you called me sugar.”  It’s so simple, yet so beautiful.
p.s. 
I may be back later. 
Haha.



Have you ever fed a lover with just your hands?
Closed your eyes
and trusted, just trusted?
Have you ever thrown a fist full of glitter in the
air?
Have you ever looked fear in the face and said, "I just don't care"?


It's only half past the point of no return
The tip of the iceberg
The
sun before the burn
The thunder before the lightning
The breath before the
phrase
Have you ever felt this way?

Have you ever hated yourself for
staring at the phone?
You're whole life waiting on the ring to prove you're
not alone
Have you ever been touched so gently you had to cry?
Have you
ever invited a stranger to come inside?

It's only half past the point of
oblivion
The hourglass on the table
The walk before the run
The breath
before the kiss
And the fear before the flames
Have you ever felt this
way?

La La La La La La La La

There you are, sitting in the
garden
Clutching my coffee,
Calling me sugar
You called me sugar


Have you ever wished for an endless night?
Lassoed the moon and the stars
and pulled that rope tight?
Have you ever held your breath and asked yourself
will it ever get better than tonight?

Tonight

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    Jen

    Age 47
    Married 24 years
    2 boys, 18 & 15
    email: [email protected]


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